[TGRF]

Originally Posted by TheAverageFan

I'm wondering if this is a result of (again with the exception of Thomas) opening mid-hook for everyone else a.k.a. character establishment having to wait until later. I guess we'll see if that strategy pays off or not depending on if you warm to any of the characters over time or remain disinterested as things go along.

That is a huge chunk of how I tend to characterize so that may be an issue.

Well there's lots of ways to show character through action, and especially interaction. In fact, it's something I'm trying to get better at. It just matters what you show. Like for instance, I was thinking the other night that with a few minor tweaks, you could have generated massive sympathy for Brooke when she played the guitar, if you focused on why she was doing it. If she was doing it specifically to cheer the others up, that would go a long way towards making her more heroic. Even if she was just playing to cheer/calm herself, that's something, as she's resisting the effects of the apocalypse in her own way. But as it stands, I can only guess at why she did that. There are hints, yes, but nothing super solid.

Side note: When operating with a group like this, you've got to be careful to keep sympathy more or less balanced between them. If one character has far more sympathy than others, the reader starts to tire of the less-sympathetic characters and hold every little thing against them.

You can totally open mid-hook; I do it all the time. It's a great way to suck the reader into the action. But making sure we care about the characters ASAP is critical. I like to open mid-hook, with the character doing something sure to gain them sympathy. Dan opens as the victim of an injustice. So does Dilmir. Raelin opens conflicted between a selfish desire and a selfless one. Utgar opens with discipline, strength, and soon afterwards, resourcefulness.

Originally Posted by TAF

I think both of these are misunderstandings so I will explain because you're not going to get answers to either of them in the text moving forward. Firstly any references to everyone being dead already is referring to the previously-mentioned comets that are expected to hit the Earth. Secondly the soldiers did not know who Nazar was, mistaking him for a civilian at first until he flashed an ID card that was a sufficient identifier of some sort of military rank. So just for reference they do not know who he is, only that he outranks them and as such they do what he says.

Spoiler Alert!

Nazar glanced at two of the soldiers moving across the street and flagged them down.
____ “You there!” He shouted, “Come here!”
____ The men approached, guns at the ready for the first sign of zombies.
____ “Identify yourselves.” Nazar instructed.
____ “Excuse me?” The older military man asked at the tone, “Citizen, you need to—”
____ “I am Nazar, from the VACC administration.” Nazar withdrew an ID and briefly held it forth, “And I outrank you, Sergeant.”
____ The man read the ID and straightened up a bit, “Oh. Sorry sir. I’m Sergeant Brysen Header, and this is Corporal Christian Thorn.”
____ “Current assignment, Sergeant?”
____ “Operation Urban Retrieve, sir. Evacuation of citizens and extermination of infected.”
____ Nazar nodded, “Good. Take this young lady to one of the helicopters. You’re dismissed.”
____ Header nodded to Brooke, lowering his rifle “Yessir. Right this way, ma’am.”

Ah, okay. I didn't know the comets were sure to hit the earth, it sounded like they were moving too fast to tell. My immediate question though is... what happened to them in that case? Four months have gone by... are they still there?

~TGRF, off to read some more.