[wriggz]

I consider this site and its members a valuable support. network even if it always doesn't seem that way. Two weeks ago I found out my father took his own life. it hit me hard and I wasn't sure how I would deal. having this community kept a sense of normalcy to my life.

While all the thanks in the world are warranted, that is not what this post is about. I want to share what I learnt so others can avoid the same pitfalls.

1. Reach out to those around you even if the wronged you. I wasn't close to my father, he was neglectful all my life and was kinder to strangers than his sons. My door was always open to him but i could have reached out a little more. I regret not being the bigger man, and though I doubt there was anything i could have done to change the outcome i could have been better.

My father was just about my least favorite person, and I still feel like I let myself down, I can't imagine what it would be like with someone I was closer too.

2. Tell people you are hurting. I didn't know how bad my father was until I found out he was gone. He seemed to have friends, a steady pension and access to his grand kids, he was far more broken than he let on. I checked his phone and nothing about his texts betrayed how bad he was.

3. Get your affairs in order. they say suicide is a selfish act. it is that much worse to burden your family with chaotic paperwork, and unclear wills.

Above all be kind and forgiving. Death makes people weird when it should make us better. I know I am a better man than I was two weeks ago, but it is a sorrow that it had to take such a shock to the system.