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Old February 24th, 2021, 05:21 PM
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Re: Valkyrie - A HeroScape Fan Fiction

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheAverageFan View Post
Usually what makes the POV shift more smooth for me is if that particular chapter opens with said character being the focus. Since ch 9 started with Utgar that's what made it stick out to me. It's not bad per se, just a little jarring. It's like this one French show I was watching in my language class in college where suddenly gratuitous nudity was introduced a dozen episodes in. It's not a major turn off, I just wasn't expecting it because usually content is established consistently throughout a TV show. Or how literally anything I write always becomes extremely violent out of nowhere towards the end

Of course it may also be because the narration style had been distant as I noted earlier. I don't think we've been privy to inner thoughts dialogue for Utgar, as far as I can recall. That may have contributed as well.

~TAF
Ahhhh... I see what happened. I had this issue in HiS, but forgot about it. In Word, there is an extra blank paragraph break every time the PoV shifts. Like this:

But in Worpress, those don't carry over. So you literally go straight from one line to the next. I'll see about putting some separators in there.

Still though, I get what you're saying. I'll generally try to set something up if I'm going to use it. It's just that these twists need things a certain way if they're going to work. For example, I couldn't have had Runa's PoV earlier because then the reader would know instantly why she was taken.

As for the narration style - it's possible. The first half of the story went through a few revisions while the second half stayed mostly the same, so I might have started out with a more consistent style throughout - I'll never know since I only wrote it once.

~TGRF.

EDIT: Got some separators in there, see if that's better.

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