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Old February 15th, 2021, 09:52 PM
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TheAverageFan TheAverageFan is offline
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Re: Valkyrie - A HeroScape Fan Fiction

Okay I am caught up. Good so far; you always manage to keep up an impressively fast pace which I can't help but imagine is not something my own work ever manages. Only a couple dozen paragraphs in and we are set for our grand adventure.

Writing wise this one feels very distant and written matter-of-factly which stands out to me. It feels as blunt and harsh as its characters' lifestyles are so I assume it was done intentionally. Feels a lot like Dune in some areas (some; way, way less wordy). My only criticisms are a few instances of names being too close together (where one would normally revert to He's and She's), as well as the verb Licked being used thrice very close together.

As you said it would be it is already different from the other Utgar origin story which has my intrigue. Kind of feels like reading two different Competition Entries to the same Prompt, though if that were the case I'd say I already like this one better

~TAF

TAF was the Storyteller...
in THE ENEMY'S LAST RETREAT

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