David: “Greetings, everybody! I’m David, and I’m here with my good friend, Bob!”
Bob: “Hello. Man, the sponsors really kept you in that meeting a long time. I guess you’ve learned your lesson, huh?”
David: “What lesson? I served them some Yunnan tea, and it was a huge success. I taught Burt the proper way to brew loose tea. He’s planning on ordering some supplies so he can brew it at home.”
Bob: “Oh, brother. Well, I guess I should’ve known. Ok, I’ll cave in. (sigh) David, pal o’ mine, would you be so kind to serve me some of that delicious tea?”
David: “Later, Bob. This is a Burt’s Beer tournament, so it’s two dented cans of the rankest brew in the nation! Bottoms up, buddy!”
Bob (grumbling): “Mmmmm, well, at least it’s flat. Now, we’ve got a battle set up. Who’s up in the first 3-way skirmish?”
David: “Randomly selected, the first qualifying battle will be be between Team Cheshire, Team Booster Gold, and Team Circe. Team Cheshire will be gunning for Team Booster Gold, who will be gunning for Team Circe, who will be gunning for Team Cheshire. I’m really looking forward to this.”
Bob: “So am I. Let’s get started, shall we?”
David: “We shall! We shall!”
Off-camera announcer: “This tournament is brought to you by the good folks at Burt’s Beer. Burt’s Beer: If we didn’t screw up so badly, we’d brew tea instead. But our incompetence is your gain.”
Qualifying Battle 1: Team Cheshire (Ch) > Team Booster Gold (BG) > Team Circe (Ci)
Spoiler Alert!
David: “I want to see some Magic Pigs on that battlefield!”
Round 1
David: “The crowd stands on their feet as the d20 initiative dice tumble down the dice tower. Sock Puppet will join Bob and me for the play-by-play. Team Cheshire is up!
“Cheshire sharpens her Poisoned Nails, and she marches forward.”
Bob: “Chamber advances.”
Sock Puppet: “Stilt-Man marches forward, keeping height/size to Medium 5 for the time being. Stilt-Man has the ability to alter his height and size at any moment.”
David: “Dazzler advances, singing a really awful tune. I wonder what Simon Cowell has to say.”
Simon Cowell: “I’m not with American Idol any more.”
Bob: “Booster Gold is next. Everybody so far is simply heading forward towards that big rocket platform.”
Sock Puppet: “Circe moves ahead. She’s actually moving along the side towards Team Booster Gold, when her target is Team Cheshire. Flanking maneuver, perhaps?”
David: “Sometimes it’s better not to take the direct line, or to keep your other team mates in front. Scarlet Witch advances.”
Bob: “Cannonball shoots forward. Ka-Boom, baby!”
Sock Puppet: “Quicksilver zips ahead with his move of 10!”
David: “That’s the first round. We’ll cut to commercial while positioning is underway, and we’ll return once battling begins!”
Round 2
Sock Puppet: “That wasn’t much of a break, because the round opens with Circe in range to strike at Scarlet Witch (Ch)! Scarlet Witch is too far away for the Pig treatment, so it’ll just be a normal attack. With height bonus, it’s 6 skulls! Scarlet Witch uses Chaos Magic to force a re-roll! Chaos Magic can only be used once per round. It’s now 3 skulls, and Scarlet Witch only manages 1 skull. That’s 2 wounds (2 left).”
David: “Jinx moves forward.”
Bob: “Wasp buzzes ahead.”
Sock Puppet: “Stilt-Man changes his height to Huge 10, and steps to the first level of the platform. He returns to Medium 5.”
David: “Jinx advances onto high ground.”
Bob: “Cannonball shoots to the top of the Rocket Platform!”
Sock Puppet: “Quicksilver zips next to Scarlet Witch (Ch). His Hit and Run x3 allows him to attack up to 3 times. 3 skulls vs 2 shields = 1 wound (1 left). 0 skulls. 1 skull vs 0 shields = KO. Scarlet Witch is out!”
David: “Dazzler is next. She fires her Photon Blasts Special Attack, which attacks twice, at Cannonball (BG). Cannonball gets +2 height defense. The special attack bypasses Cannonball’s Personal Force Field 12. 1 skull vs 1 shield. 1 skull vs 1 shield. Nothing.”
Bob: “Booster Gold flies inside the Rocket Platform and fires at Quicksilver (Ci). It’s 3 skulls. With 19+5 on the d20, Quicksilver is simply Too Quick to Hit!”
Round 3
Sock Puppet: “Quicksilver strikes! He takes height between Cheshire (Ch) and Dazzler (Ch), and strikes Dazzler twice. Cheshire’s Counterstrike is too much of a risk at this early stage. 2 skulls vs 1 shield = 1 wound (3 left). 1 skull vs 1 shield. Quicksilver decides to strike at Dazzler a third time. 2 skulls vs 1 shield = 1 wound (2 left). Quicksilver’s Accelerated Movement allows him to complete his 6 remaining movement points. He pulls back and ends his move on the ladder.”
David: “Dazzler licks her wounds and advances to the concrete, where she has clear sight of Booster Gold (BG) inside the Rocket Platform. She fires her double Photon Blasts. 1 skull vs 1 shield. 3 skulls, and Booster Gold removes his X Order Marker to force a re-roll. 3 skulls vs 0 shields (ouch!) = 3 wounds (1 left).”
Bob: “Cannonball shots look a cannon, which is only natural, at Circe (Ci) for a Slamming Cannonball Special Attack! 4 skulls vs 2 shields = 2 wound (5 left).”
Sock Puppet: “Circe is next. She could pass her turn for a roll of 18+ chance at Resurrecting Scarlet Witch onto her team. She could try to turn someone into a Pig with a roll of 13+ in lieu of attacking. She opts instead to advance to height on the asphalt, and fires at range on Dazzler (Ch). Due to our special rules, Cannonball (BG) cannot attempt an engagement strike. Man, I was hoping for some piggy action! Before rolling attack dice, Dazzler checks for Dazzling Lights 15. She misses the roll. I’ll explain what that does if she ever succeeds in making the roll. For now, the attack continues. 3 skulls vs 1 shield = 2 wounds = KO! Team Circe is on the ropes with only two members remaining!”
David: “Cheshire snarls and steps to the top of the hill.”
Bob: “Cannonball slams into Circe (Ci) for another Slamming special attack! 1 skull vs 2 shields.”
Sock Puppet: “Stilt-Man stomps over to Jinx and strikes. 1 skull vs 1 shield.”
David: “Jinx has height on Cannonball (BG), so fires her normal attack. 0 skulls. She rolls 17 on the d20, so gets a second attack with Impatient 16. She opts this time for Hex Bolt Special Attack to bypass Cannonball’s Force Field 12. 2 skulls vs 2 shields.”
Bob: “Wasp buzzes ahead, but she’s still way back in the field.”
David: “At the end of Round 3, Team Cheshire has lost Scarlet Witch and Dazzler.
Bob: “In Team Booster Gold, Booster Gold has 3 wounds (1 left).”
Sock Puppet: “In Team Circe, Circe has 2 wounds (5 left). No signs of pork anywhere.”
David: “I’m loving the battle so far! We’ll take a break, and continue the battle later!”