The Joke Thread
 

The Joke Thread

:lol:This is the joke thread where you can post any funny, stupid, or interesting joke.:lol:

(please make the jokes mostly appropriate, keep it in the PG zone.)

communication, or service


Assistants


Contest winners!

Re: The Joke Thread
 

An officer pulls over an elderly gentleman and his wife for driving too slowly.
"What's wrong officer, I was going the speed limit. 25."
"Sir, that's the route number." The officer then notices that the man's wife is wide-eyed and pale faced. "What's wrong with her?"
"Oh her? Nothing", says the man,"We just got off route 135."

Re: The Joke Thread
 

There is a Magician who works on a Cruise Ship. He had a pet parrot. After a few years the parrot learned how all the tricks work and began giving them away.
"*Squack* its up his sleeve," or "*Rawk* its in a hidden compartment *Rawk*," it would say. After a month the spectators became disinterested with the show and less and less came. Finally during one of those shows as the parrot was ruining yet another trick the Magician whips out a 9 millimeter out of his magic hat and shoots at the bird. The parrot is narrowly missed and the bullet strikes a propane tank blowing up the whole ship. Only the Magician and parrot survive clinging to a piece of wood. After the Magician giving a death stare to the parrot for two days the parrot finally looks around and says, "Okay I give up where's the darn* ship."

*I'm not allowed using the joke's intended word I think

Re: The Joke Thread
 

:DThanks for sharing!

Re: The Joke Thread
 

Maidens three do grace a lowly tavern with their presence, and the patrons do observe a trio of bewitching females. The one with hair like summer gold, another with hair as black as ebony, the third with a mane of auburn locks. And the barkeep doth look up from his post, and cry out for all the room to hear, "What 'tis this before mine eyes? Dost this be a jest?"

Re: The Joke Thread
 

Re: The Joke Thread
 

Please do share the rest of your jokes when you want

Re: The Joke Thread
 

A duck walks into a bar and asks for a peanut butter sandwich. The bartender tells him they don't have any and the duck leaves. Next day the duck comes in again asking for a peanut butter sandwich. Bartender says, "listen here duck - we don't got none and we ain't gonna get none, now get outta here." Next day, duck comes sauntering in and the little vein in the bartender's head starts pulsing. Duck asks once more, "can I have a peanut butter sandwich?" "No we ain't, ya stupid duck, now get outta this bar and if ya ever asks me fer a peanut butter sandwich again I'm gonne nail yer little webbed feet to the floor."

Next day the duck walks in and the bartender looks like he's going to explode. The duck asks "do you have any nails?" "What, you stupid duck, no I don't have any nails!" "Oh, in that case... can I have a peanut butter sandwich?"

Re: The Joke Thread
 

A Shade of Bleakwoode stealth flies into a bar.
The bartender says 'Hey buddy, why the long face?'

Re: The Joke Thread
 

If you want to hear this joke in song form...

Re: The Joke Thread
 

Re: The Joke Thread
 

How do you catch an elephant?

First, you need to dig a really big hole. Second, you need to get a bunch of ash and fill the hole with ash. Lastly, you need to line the hole with peas. Now it's a waiting game. When the elephant walks up to the hole to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole.