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SirGalahad June 27th, 2013 10:22 PM

The Joke Thread
 
The Joke Thread

:lol:This is the joke thread where you can post any funny, stupid, or interesting joke.:lol:


(please make the jokes mostly appropriate, keep it in the PG zone.)

I will be posting a joke of the day for yall to laugh at.

First up a real knee slapper!


What was Beethoven favorite fruit?


Spoiler Alert!


communication, or service

Spoiler Alert!


Assistants
Spoiler Alert!


Contest winners!
Spoiler Alert!

betawolf36 June 27th, 2013 10:36 PM

Re: The Joke Thread
 
An officer pulls over an elderly gentleman and his wife for driving too slowly.
"What's wrong officer, I was going the speed limit. 25."
"Sir, that's the route number." The officer then notices that the man's wife is wide-eyed and pale faced. "What's wrong with her?"
"Oh her? Nothing", says the man,"We just got off route 135."

Crixus33 June 27th, 2013 11:03 PM

Re: The Joke Thread
 
There is a Magician who works on a Cruise Ship. He had a pet parrot. After a few years the parrot learned how all the tricks work and began giving them away.
"*Squack* its up his sleeve," or "*Rawk* its in a hidden compartment *Rawk*," it would say. After a month the spectators became disinterested with the show and less and less came. Finally during one of those shows as the parrot was ruining yet another trick the Magician whips out a 9 millimeter out of his magic hat and shoots at the bird. The parrot is narrowly missed and the bullet strikes a propane tank blowing up the whole ship. Only the Magician and parrot survive clinging to a piece of wood. After the Magician giving a death stare to the parrot for two days the parrot finally looks around and says, "Okay I give up where's the darn* ship."

*I'm not allowed using the joke's intended word I think

yoyow218 June 28th, 2013 05:28 AM

Re: The Joke Thread
 
:DThanks for sharing!

Son of Arathorn June 28th, 2013 05:54 AM

Re: The Joke Thread
 
Maidens three do grace a lowly tavern with their presence, and the patrons do observe a trio of bewitching females. The one with hair like summer gold, another with hair as black as ebony, the third with a mane of auburn locks. And the barkeep doth look up from his post, and cry out for all the room to hear, "What 'tis this before mine eyes? Dost this be a jest?"

Rexmax2 June 28th, 2013 09:53 AM

Re: The Joke Thread
 
Joke of the Day

Todays is a real tummy tickler!

What did the Buffallo mother say to her son when he left for college?

Spoiler Alert!

Rexmax2 June 28th, 2013 09:53 AM

Re: The Joke Thread
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Crixus33 (Post 1836020)
There is a Magician who works on a Cruise Ship. He had a pet parrot. After a few years the parrot learned how all the tricks work and began giving them away.
"*Squack* its up his sleeve," or "*Rawk* its in a hidden compartment *Rawk*," it would say. After a month the spectators became disinterested with the show and less and less came. Finally during one of those shows as the parrot was ruining yet another trick the Magician whips out a 9 millimeter out of his magic hat and shoots at the bird. The parrot is narrowly missed and the bullet strikes a propane tank blowing up the whole ship. Only the Magician and parrot survive clinging to a piece of wood. After the Magician giving a death stare to the parrot for two days the parrot finally looks around and says, "Okay I give up where's the darn* ship."

*I'm not allowed using the joke's intended word I think

Please do share the rest of your jokes when you want

Aldin June 28th, 2013 10:46 AM

Re: The Joke Thread
 
A duck walks into a bar and asks for a peanut butter sandwich. The bartender tells him they don't have any and the duck leaves. Next day the duck comes in again asking for a peanut butter sandwich. Bartender says, "listen here duck - we don't got none and we ain't gonna get none, now get outta here." Next day, duck comes sauntering in and the little vein in the bartender's head starts pulsing. Duck asks once more, "can I have a peanut butter sandwich?" "No we ain't, ya stupid duck, now get outta this bar and if ya ever asks me fer a peanut butter sandwich again I'm gonne nail yer little webbed feet to the floor."

Next day the duck walks in and the bartender looks like he's going to explode. The duck asks "do you have any nails?" "What, you stupid duck, no I don't have any nails!" "Oh, in that case... can I have a peanut butter sandwich?"

kevindola June 28th, 2013 10:58 AM

Re: The Joke Thread
 
A Shade of Bleakwoode stealth flies into a bar.
The bartender says 'Hey buddy, why the long face?'

Balantai June 28th, 2013 11:46 AM

Re: The Joke Thread
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Aldin (Post 1836170)
A duck walks into a bar and asks for a peanut butter sandwich. The bartender tells him they don't have any and the duck leaves. Next day the duck comes in again asking for a peanut butter sandwich. Bartender says, "listen here duck - we don't got none and we ain't gonna get none, now get outta here." Next day, duck comes sauntering in and the little vein in the bartender's head starts pulsing. Duck asks once more, "can I have a peanut butter sandwich?" "No we ain't, ya stupid duck, now get outta this bar and if ya ever asks me fer a peanut butter sandwich again I'm gonne nail yer little webbed feet to the floor."

Next day the duck walks in and the bartender looks like he's going to explode. The duck asks "do you have any nails?" "What, you stupid duck, no I don't have any nails!" "Oh, in that case... can I have a peanut butter sandwich?"

If you want to hear this joke in song form...

Rexmax2 June 28th, 2013 11:50 AM

Re: The Joke Thread
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Aldin (Post 1836170)
A duck walks into a bar and asks for a peanut butter sandwich. The bartender tells him they don't have any and the duck leaves. Next day the duck comes in again asking for a peanut butter sandwich. Bartender says, "listen here duck - we don't got none and we ain't gonna get none, now get outta here." Next day, duck comes sauntering in and the little vein in the bartender's head starts pulsing. Duck asks once more, "can I have a peanut butter sandwich?" "No we ain't, ya stupid duck, now get outta this bar and if ya ever asks me fer a peanut butter sandwich again I'm gonne nail yer little webbed feet to the floor."

Next day the duck walks in and the bartender looks like he's going to explode. The duck asks "do you have any nails?" "What, you stupid duck, no I don't have any nails!" "Oh, in that case... can I have a peanut butter sandwich?"

:rofl::rofl::rofl::rofl:

Balantai June 28th, 2013 12:07 PM

Re: The Joke Thread
 
How do you catch an elephant?

First, you need to dig a really big hole. Second, you need to get a bunch of ash and fill the hole with ash. Lastly, you need to line the hole with peas. Now it's a waiting game. When the elephant walks up to the hole to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole.


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