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-   -   News Headline Add-Ons (https://www.heroscapers.com/community/showthread.php?t=33228)

davidlhsl November 1st, 2010 04:26 PM

News Headline Add-Ons
 
One of the things I like to do to hone my sense of humor is to take news headlines, and attach a phrase or sentence at the end to make them funny. My source: CNN.com, with actual headline text underlined.

Condit: 'Never had any cross words' with Chandra other than, 'I'm gonna kill you!'
What's at stake in House and Senate: they run out of meatloaf surprise in the cafeteria
LIVE: Clinton campaigns for Manchin. DEAD: Clinton campaigns for Grover Cleveland
Cargo bomb plot: Latest developments: Ka-BOOOOOM!!!!
After nasty races, voters get last word. Hint: It has four letters.
Key decisions for Congress: Where to park once they are kicked out of office.
Hikers held in Iran can talk to moms once their moms can be kidnapped.
Minister curses couple at wedding: I now pronounce you ******* and *****. You may now kiss the *****.
'Grey's' boss vetoes 'brutal' plot by punching the writers in the face
Hot plant may boost gals' libidos, but they still won't have sex with me.
This Just In: CNN's news blog. This Just Out: Helen Thomas' Myspace Page

Feel free to share your own!

davidlhsl November 1st, 2010 05:02 PM

Re: New Headline Add-Ons
 
Source: The Drudge Report

Brother, Can You Spare a Dime: Man Begs to Obama. So the President flips him a quarter and drives away laughing.
Unemployment Offices to Add Armed Guards, so at least somebody is hiring in this crappy economy.
DoJ sends election observer to AZ polls to see who McCain will vote for.
STUDY: Alcohol more lethal than heroin or CRACK or BOOZE!!!
Student suspended for riding horse to school. Principal: "Screw you and the horse you rode in on."
Dems hope to limit losses in campaign's last hours by calling off the election.
TINA BROWN: Obama's Morning-After Plan: Waffles with maple syrup and two strips of bacon
Brazil elects ex-guerrilla as president... correction: ex-gorilla
POLL: Conn. governor's race too close to call, so the election will have to proceed as scheduled.
Crowd 'streams out' as veep drones on and on and on and on and WRAP IT UP, ALREADY!!!

Lamaclown November 2nd, 2010 04:06 PM

Re: News Headline Add-Ons
 
LOL!
Man, these are cracking me up. Keep em coming!

davidlhsl November 2nd, 2010 04:23 PM

Re: News Headline Add-Ons
 
Thanks! This might be a good thing to do weekly rather than daily, as the same news items tend to appear repeatedly in a short time period.

davidlhsl November 3rd, 2010 10:47 AM

Re: News Headline Add-Ons
 
I guess I should do a special post-election version (various sources, but mostly CNN:

Looking at an 'earthquake election' is better than looking at a naked Lindsey Lohan.
GOP soars to historic victories, falls short in Senate, and eats through an entire White Castle Crave Case.
Reid: 'We must work together' if we ever want to finish this New York Times crossword puzzle.
Will economy save Obama? Or will he have to stand in the unemployment line like the rest of us?
Your photos / Winners and losers. If we publish your photo, you're a loser.
Gridlock in America... alternate route: Highway 55.
Harry Hangs On... Angle Falls to Senate Leader. Man, I wish they'd sober up.
Politics: A Centrist Democratic Agenda: More Jobs, Less Corruption replaces old agenda: Tastes Great, Less Filling.
Obama blow-up sex doll for sale in China: This one was from The Drudge Report. Nah, this one's too easy. :)

IAmBatman November 3rd, 2010 02:53 PM

Re: News Headline Add-Ons
 
OK, I've gotta admit, these are pretty funny! :lol:

Jandarforever November 3rd, 2010 03:42 PM

Re: News Headline Add-Ons
 
These are great! The one with the suspended student, and Democrats hoping to limit losses were just pure gold! I'm really looking forward to the next batch.

IAmBatman November 3rd, 2010 03:46 PM

Re: News Headline Add-Ons
 
Obama blow-up sex doll for sale in China: At Least He's Improving the Economy Somewhere!

A3n November 3rd, 2010 04:38 PM

Re: News Headline Add-Ons
 
Very funny David, keep them rolling. :rofl:

davidlhsl November 5th, 2010 04:40 PM

Re: News Headline Add-Ons
 
various sources

Pelosi wants leadership post; some Democrats object, and all of the Republicans who just took over REALLY object!
Call in sick without risking your job by disguising your voice and pretending to be one of your co-workers.
Olbermann Is Suspended for Donations to Bill O'Reilly's Fan Club.
China Police Confine Prominent Artist until the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel can be completed.
HuffPost Family Dinner Downloads -- Conversation Starters for Your Family Dinner. Tonight's Topic: YOU'RE GROUNDED, YOUNG MAN!
'Housewives' Reveal All Their Plastic Surgeries: Has recycling gone too far?
Michael Bloomberg Takes On the Gun Lobby -- And Wins with his AK-47!
CBS: Hillary Clinton Rules Out 2012, 2016 Presidential Runs, but hasn't ruled out a bid for the 2008 election.
How the GOP Will Have to Work With the Tea Party: more cream and sugar.
'127 Hours': Why Do People Faint at Movies? Answer: Because '127 Hours' isn't just the title, it's also the running time of the movie.

davidlhsl November 11th, 2010 12:10 PM

Re: News Headline Add-Ons
 
Crippled cruise ship docks in the designated handicapped parking space.
No trade deal yet for U.S., South Korea, so you'll have to buy your own kimchi for the time being.
White House gives in on Bush Tax cuts. White House is also considering caving on President Kennedy's pledge to put a man on the moon.
Christine O'Donnell complains about Karl Rove on 'Tonight Show'. Karl Rove, sitting next to O'Donnell, laughs and continues making funny faces at her.
Howard Kurtz tells Olbermann donations were a 'serious mistake', since the money should have gone to the Howard Kurtz Heroscape Collection Fund.
Iraqi lawmakers work out details of long-awaited pact to bring Saddam Hussein back from the dead.
Wal-Mart says 'Try This On': Free Shipping. Wow, I think Wal-Mart is the first company to offer free shipping. [/sarcasm]
Can a nerd have soul? I'd like to think I do.
Defying Age by exploiting loophole in Daylight Savings Time.
Evaluating a proposal to reduce the deficit by selling the Federal Reserve's stockpile of Heroscape lava and tundra terrain sets.

IAmBatman November 11th, 2010 12:46 PM

Re: News Headline Add-Ons
 
Mmm ... kimchi ...


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