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A Loser's Guide to Winning Tournaments

Posted August 10th, 2008 at 04:50 PM by Eckels
A LOSERS GUIDE TO WINNING TOURNAMENTS
-or-
8 helpful steps to becoming a complete bastard of an opponent.

If you've been playing in tournaments but haven't yet been able to pull out a win, here are some quick and easy tips to help you make it to the top!

1 Every die roll could have been better.
You expect more from your dice and your opponents must know it! No roll is strong enough. Grumble at your dice, and curse your own luck, even in victory!

2 Make sure they show you every single die roll.
Sure your opponent may say they didn't defend against those three skulls, but why should you believe them? Make your opponent know you'll believe your own eyes, thank you.

3 It's all in the eyes.

To succeed on the battlefield, you must first conquer your opponent's spirit. Glare at your opponent. Make them uncomfortable. Divert their attention from the action, because...

4 If your opponent doesn't notice it, it's not your problem.

Sure you broke engagement and then jumped off a cliff, but who's responsibility is it to keep track of that? If your opponent isn't paying attention, then it's not your fault if you forget to roll for disengagement, or falling damage, or that special attacks receive no bonuses...

5 Make the rules work for YOU.
Rules lawyering is not against the rules. At least, the practice isn't specifically mentioned in the rules, so it's fair game! Because remember, when it comes to arguments about rules...

6 The D20 is your friend.

If you can't agree on a rules argument, it's decided by a 20d roll. You have a 50% chance of winning any of those die rolls, which is always better odds than simply giving in! Take the debate to the die roll whenever you can.

7 No one has a right to touch your figures. Ever!

It says it right there in the rules. Sure your figure may have been bumped between spaces, or is presently sitting halfway off a cliff, but it doesn't matter. If an opponent touches your figure, then they're cheating, and they should be above that sort of thing! On the other hand, YOU want to win, right?

8 Cheat!

Yeah, hell with it! Just cheat!

I hope these steps can bring you closer to victory at your next heroscape tournament!

-E

(Parody)
Total Comments 2

Comments

Old
Shades fan's Avatar
I really think those are just low things to do, and don't really need to be in the lime-light, don't you!
Posted August 12th, 2008 at 12:46 AM by Shades fan Shades fan is offline
Old
Likable, definitely. A few more tricks or a bit more on the humor factor woulda made it a five, as it stands, I still enjoyed it, so... respectable four out of five for you, sir.

-Vilsara, who's seriously considering a couple of these
Posted December 14th, 2009 at 05:51 PM by Vilsara Vilsara is offline
 
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