Insomnia, Sleep Apnea, and a Crappy Job

Insomnia is the inability to fall asleep when one wants to even when feeling tired.

Sleep Apnea is when the airway restricts breathing during sleep cutting off oxygen for a minimum of ten seconds straight. These events have to occur more than five times in an hour for it to be even mild sleep apnea.

Crappy Job is when you despise your work for any number of reasons. Typical reasons would be low pay, antagonistic co-workers or boss, and/or work that is unfulfilling.

I have moderate insomnia (if I'm tired enough I can get past it), severe sleep apnea (I averaged something around 85 events per hour - that's a minimum of 14 minutes per hour I just wasn't breathing), and a crappy job (the pay is fine, but the work is as stifling as it can be and my co-worker uses me as a punching bag to relieve her stress).

So, when I finally fall asleep, it's not very good sleep even with the machine that's supposed to help with my apnea and then I have a job I hate to look forward to day in and day out.

I keep the thing because the pay is better than I can get anywhere else. And I know that I can always just live in more meager circumstances to leave it, but I'd end up doing office work (which is what I do) somewhere else.

And so, I have resolved to change my situation so that these are no longer the only choices for me.

For the insomnia there's not much I can do, but I've coped with it my whole life; it's the least of these difficulties.

For the sleep apnea I can get into better shape which should help with the condition, though it is not assured. It's something that can hit anyone of any weight or build. But, being in better shape will also make the decreased amount of sleep I get more acceptable and I plan on working with my doctor to get the treatment more fine tuned.

For the crappy job I have to do the thing that is the most nerve wracking to me. I have to leave the comfort and security I have now with office related work and go back to school. This means going into debt (something I've always tried as hard as possible to avoid) for a student loan, seeking part time work so that I can manage school full time (my majors require a lot of homework time), and getting into a place with roommates to cut my living expenses.

The reason the schooling and the things I'll need to do to make it happen make me so anxious is that I'll be facing poverty (something I grew up with and loathe, I like my lower middle class bachelor lifestyle) and I'll be facing the very real possibility of failure. Not because I don't think I can do it, but because the fields that I actually enjoy doing work in are highly competitive and require a bit of luck as well. I believe I have the wherewithal to pull it off and that the ideas I have are good ones, but that's just not enough and I risk that. It's a large step into the dark for me to go from a job that hires solely off of the amount of work they get for the money to one that looks at your hard work and makes the hire or not based off of so many other variables.

I hope to be able to handle it, especially as the friends I had with the same goals have let them go, so I go it alone. Wish me luck.