Break In

It seems these three things set the stage for the robbery:

1) I had just baked banana muffins

2) I had been gluing figures and left them to dry on the dryer in the laundry room beside the window

3) It looked like no one was home even in the middle of the day

Now let’s examine these issues one at a time.

Baking
I used to bake a lot and am known for my baking skills. (yes, it’s a skill set; if you don’t believe it, that’s because you’ve never tasted anything that was made by a real baker)

When my kids were smaller I baked twice a week: cookies, cakes, muffins. But then I’d leave to go to work and when I came back half to three-quarters of the baked goods would be missing. I’d question the kids and they promised that none of them had eaten anything. So it was obvious that someone was breaking in and taking the cookies. Shocking, but it must be true because my children wouldn’t lie.

I don’t bake as much anymore. For some reason i was moved to bake on the fateful day, a double batch of banana vanilla muffins with Demerara sugar, and no doubt the burglar or burglars who used to raid my house found out. I wonder if they have hidden cameras in my kitchen?

Figures on Display
Well they weren’t exactly on display. Most of them were in strange positions, propped up with little pieces of wood while the glue dried. I usually work on the dryer because there’s space and I can open the big window beside to help disperse the nasty glue fumes. There were three kinds of figures out that day: repair jobs, mods, and new assemblies.

You’re all familiar with the repair jobs. Some are actual Heroscape figures (someone stepped on an izumi, I’m replacing the broken Ashigaru yari spears, etc). Would someone break in to steal classic Scape figures? It’s certainly expensive enough on Ebay. Answer: yes.

I like to do Mod jobs because it’s fun and I get a rush from making new things: taking someone’s axe away and giving them a sword, taking human heads off and putting on growling gnoll heads, cutting off bases and snapping legs and making foot soldiers into cavalry. Would someone break in to steal some really cool modded figures? If I’d been walking by and had glanced in, I’d struggle to restrain myself. Answer: Yes

I also make new figures from kits. Aside from the standard things like warhammer and Warlord games I’ve been enjoying assembling Wrath of Kings, which are very nice. Would someone break in, maybe not to steal, but just to look at amazing new figures? Even by accident? Answer: yes

Looked like no one was home

It’s true we are private people and don’t throw our curtains open. Actually, we don’t have curtains. We have wooden shutters. They’re in five parts, so you can open just the top, or just one side. There are little cat doors at the bottom that the cats open and close when they’re gazing outside. I don’t know why the cats are so consistent about closing them. I guess they like they’re privacy too.

I was gone, so the car wasn’t in the driveway. There’s a five foot privacy fence around the yard as well.

So, shutters closed, no car, privacy fence. An invitation to burglars?

What went down

An unnamed person (description: male, medium height, thin build, white skin, dirty blond hair, blue winter coat, red hat with Canadian flag on it) came into my backyard through the gate.

Using some kind of tool or weapon they began battering the back door. It’s an old door- everything about my house is old. But I had three locks on it: one up high, the one on the doorknob and a chain at the bottom. This person had broken into houses before. You can see the marks where he hit around the doorknob. Three blows, that’s all, and the door knob gave way. But the other locks held.

I live in a poorer neighbourhood. I’d always assumed that poor people went to richer neighbourhoods to burglar. Who breaks into a poor person’s house? I’m afraid it has to do with drugs. People need money for their drugs and they don’t care where they get it.

The perpetrator was frustrated. He went to the window by the dryer. He could see all those beautiful figures. He could probably smell the banana muffins too. He ripped the screen off the window and was trying to get it open when my son poked his head into the laundry room. My two eldest sons were home. They’re both large men now. They’d heard noises but had dismissed them, thinking that our cats were up to something.

The burglar stopped, frozen, eye contact with my son, guilt all over the burglar’s face. He ran. Good thing for him. Stay out of my house. Did I mention that my son had a rolling pin with him?

I spent the evening rigging extra security measures into the windows and doors: wooden posts, in some cases screwed in, bars, props. I knew it was important for our heads- it’s hard to sleep when you think someone might break in. It’s now much harder to get in. I no longer leave figures on the dryer.
If you’re reading this, burglar, please get some help before trying to break into people’s houses. It hurts people. You don’t want to do that, do you? What if you get hurt? My sons would have squashed you and used you as a boot tray.

We have no riches. No gold. No TV. No alcohol drugs or cigarettes. Our treasure is the games we play together, the smiles, the laughs, the groans at those fickle dice. You can’t steal that, you know. You have to build it.

If you love Scape just knock and we’ll let you in to play a game or two. We’ll even serve you some muffins or cookies, if you let us know in advance that you’re coming.