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Elven Genetics

Posted April 21st, 2011 at 03:21 PM by Sylvano the Wasabus
Or why the world is falling apart

My clever daughter is currently studying genetics in biology at school. It’s an interesting enough topic, and she’s been using our family as test subjects- pointing out some of our physical characteristics that are the product of dominant and recessive genes.

Do you know that we share 99 percent of our DNA with chimpanzees? And we share 8 percent of our DNA with bananas?

T’other day while we were discussing genes my four year old son was playing with our big box of unScaped D and D figures. He likes them a lot and he stands them in great long rows of armies facing each other. He did that for a while and then moved on and my daughter told him that she would do the picking up.

But she did not pick up. She began dividing the figures into genetic groupings. She started with the obvious and then connected the groups by probable lineage.

There were the reptiles and dragons, various mammals, elementals and a few creatures that had been created by divine interventions. There was a large pile of undead. And then there were those two old races, the dwarves and the elves.

We know from myths that elves interbred with anything they could- resulting in half elves, drow, etc. Doesn’t say much about elven ethics, does it?

The elven genetic line itself has many splits and folds in it. Supposedly the elves are an ancient race. They have many splits and off-shoots- they don’t seem to be very stable genetically.

My daughter, who actually likes elves, suggested that humans are actually evolved from elves. If you disagree with this, consider that the Asian and African elephant – very similar animals- cannot produce viable offspring. Yet humans and elves can- this suggests that we are nearly genetically identical.

Using the figures we have, my daughter created a flow like this:

The half elves are an interesting case. Some stories have it that they can choose to be either elven or human. The elf parts seem to be recessive, while the human genes are dominant- hence our vast proliferation across this planet.

Genetically a half elf would have the genes of both elf (ee) and human (EE) Any offspring of two half elves could have any of the following possible genetic compositions:

EE (full human)
(full elf)
Ee (half elf)
eE (half elf)

So you see two half elves could genetically produce more half elves, an elf, or a human. Again, elves and human seem to be almost identical genetically. Dare I see we are actually elven?

Now we’ll compare the degenerating elven line to that of the dwarves:


Culturally we know the dwarves don’t breed with other species, but throughout history we must accept that in wars and crimes the unspeakable must have occurred and yet there are no half –dwarves. Therefore it must be that dwarves are too biologically different for there to be viable offspring. We are not related to dwarves. They are a separate species.

There is some rare anecdotal evidence of half-dwarves but they were not present in our test figure population, so they were not considered.

I may be a known elf hater but I will concede that as a species they seemed to start out okay- but of course we just have their word for that. As time has passed genetically they have mutated and interbred producing nasty things. Elves tend towards evil.

As the world changes and mutations occur evolution weeds out the species that can no longer compete. It is said the elves and dwarves have fallen away. But closer examination suggests that the elven line is still with us, in fact, we are of elven lineage and the continuing destruction of this world and corruption of our DNA is a direct result of the amoral actions of the degenerate elves of old.

So now you know why the world is falling apart- why there is such hate, fighting and sin – we are all the descendants of elves.
Total Comments 8


Bolo's Avatar
If humans are descended from elves, makin us the half-elves, and we mate with an elf, that really makes a half-elf, a 3/4 elf, doesn't it?

Continuing with this logic, if a 3/4 elf were to mate with a 3/4 elf, that would make a 3/8 elf, or a halfling.

Halfling plus halfling = imp.

But now I digress and my brain hurts.
Posted April 21st, 2011 at 04:41 PM by Bolo Bolo is offline
MegaSilver's Avatar
There can be humans that are considered "dwarf," StW. (And as I learned in my Bio I and II class, it's actually a dominant trait).

It could be possible that a group of dwarf Humans became seperated eons ago and eventually became their own species before reuniting with humans and elves...
Posted April 21st, 2011 at 10:30 PM by MegaSilver MegaSilver is offline
ZBeeblebrox's Avatar
Another interesting blog Sylvano
Posted April 21st, 2011 at 11:43 PM by ZBeeblebrox ZBeeblebrox is offline
chas's Avatar



It would appear that the telepathic waves of love and joy we have been sending to this poor soul from here on the Other Side are all being intercepted by his daughter, who is a particularly strong reciever. I therefore suggest an intervention by a human therapist down on Earth.




HUMAN CASE C194-32958678795983-3Etc.

Ja, vell...it voud zeem dot, I mean, it would seem that he entirely denies the entire moral and ethical elven framework of the Universe. However, there is hope, in that he acknowledges his own (and all human) elf inspired descent!

Clearly he has great-great-great grandparent issues. I do indeed prescribe Elf Therapy. Luckily, his daughter will be there to guide him through most of his life, when this will occur. We can only hope he will see the light and some day be in tune with the true Blessings of the Gods. After all, this is a man who uses an evil icon as his own avatar! He has a long road ahead of him. But don't we all?

P.S. Regards to the missus, Lady Galadriel. Zee you at our next party. Und please do bring zhat zilly little hobbit vit you. He amuzes me zo! (Siggie)

Posted April 22nd, 2011 at 09:25 AM by chas chas is offline
Updated April 22nd, 2011 at 09:37 AM by chas
lefton4ya's Avatar
Of course Elves are fantasy and the current Elf lore is strongly incluenced by Tolkien's ireimagining, but I will run with what you have. Similar to Race/ethnicity, there are multiple genes that can effect it, however there are DOMINANT and DORMANT genes. So hypathetiucally a person who has a one great-great-great grandfather who is an elf and has a dormant elf gene could mate with another similar person and if the dormant genes are both passed on, then they could give birth to a full elf. Similarly there have been cases of two seemingly white people give birth to a dark-skinned black person because of dormant genes from 1 or more ancestors.
Posted April 22nd, 2011 at 12:45 PM by lefton4ya lefton4ya is offline
ladidadi.davis's Avatar
I like the gist of this. One day I want to do something similar with pokemon (the whole genetic groupings and lineage thing) if I ever get so bored.
Posted April 25th, 2011 at 10:52 AM by ladidadi.davis ladidadi.davis is offline
sir william the bold's Avatar
I'm currently takeing biology... its a pretty cool class.
Posted April 27th, 2011 at 04:49 PM by sir william the bold sir william the bold is offline
Paronychodon's Avatar
This was a great read! I actually do similar things when I'm feeling particularly creative.

You should point out to your daughter, though, that the ability to produce viable offspring is much more complicated than she is probably learning about right now. Take mules for example. Horses and donkeys can breed together to produce mules, but mules are sterile. An even more interesting one is in the dog family. Coyotes do not readily interbreed with grey wolves, but both can easily produce viable offspring with domestic dogs.

It's great to hear your daughter is applying scientific concepts from school to everyday life.
Posted April 28th, 2011 at 01:20 AM by Paronychodon Paronychodon is offline
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