Every Tuesday night I go to Dignan's to play Heroscape. Here's what happens...
Tuesday Nights at Dignan's (10/28/08)
Posted January 13th, 2009 at 01:45 AM by DrLivingston
--Old Tuesday--10/28/08--
Every Tuesday I go to Dignan's to play Heroscape. Here's what happens...
The Players:
Dignan--Dignan is the guy who owns the house. He's got a personality like an attack dog. You're always the bonehead douche and he's always the smart guy that does it right.
Well at least I'm always the bonehead douche.
Hmmm...
Anyway, a good example of this is that the room we play in can get pretty warm sometimes. A normal person might say something along the lines of:
"Hey, sorry guys. It can get a little hot up here sometimes. the wife and I are saving up for a ceiling fan."
Dignan says: "Hey douche, why are you wearing a windbreaker?"
Me: "It was raining."
Dignan: "It's even lined! Oh my god! Idiot! Why would you wear that!"
Me(confused): "I didn't want to get wet?"
Dignan: "You're such an idiot! No wonder you're hot!"
Me: "I didn't say I was hot."
I was, though. Everyone was. It's always effing hot up there.
Dignan and R˙chean had a similar conversation the second time R˙chean came by to play.
R˙chean: "So, uh, it can get a little hot up here, huh?"
Dignan: "Yep."
I guess being a Heroscape Rock Star gets you a pass some times...
R˙chean--Speaking of the Heroscape Rock Star... R˙chean is very good at Heroscape, but unlike Dignan, isn't constantly rubbing your face in it. He's a blast to play against and I have nothing bad to say about him.
Yet.
I think his rock star pass wears off sometime next week...
Me/DrLivingston--I'm sitting in front of my computer with a 20 oz. bottle of sprite, 750 ml. bottle of Crown Royal, and a wondeful warm feeling in my belly.
I'm the nice guy of the bunch.
No, really.
Ask rym.
Podwest--I think I actually like Podwest. This is quite a moment here. This guy used to **** me off and disgust me in equal measures. But lately he's just been a cool guy. Funny, genuine, not cheating any more (that I've noticed). Still makes inexplicable moves at times, but somehow it's quirky now instead of just stupid.
CheddarLimbo, Rym, and Rodriquez are all guys who have made it over from Arlington at one time or another. I hope they show up again some time. Especially CheddarLimbo. I have stuff to say about this guy...
Well I showed up early and ended up playing Guitar Hero with Dignan and his wife.
Again she is so cool and again I do not get how Dignan fooled her into marriage.
Well after R˙chean (basically) said what the hell were we doing playing video games and he'd be ****ed if that's something he wanted to do, we all went upstairs.
Dignan had set up Overlord, a map by Chicano so R˙chean could continue play test it for possible inclusion to the famed Battlefields of Vahalla.
I was pretty pumped to actually witness a BOV map test.
But first Dignan had a lava team map set up for our consideration.
Dignan is the map czar for the DFW Heroscape Team Tournament in February.
R˙chean is sort of making him do it. I think R˙chean is getting tired of handling tournament bull**** and is hoping to pawn it off on Dignan.
Which, come to think of it, is kind of what Grungebob did to R˙chean...
So we diced for teams and I ended up on ****ing Dignan's team.
****.
Really.
****.
You know one day Dignan is going to stop spending all his money on video games and he'll be able to afford a ticket to Gen Con and you guys can meet him and you'll think, as he's methodically kicking your *** all over the place, "Wow, this guy is nice. DrLivingston is totally wrong about this guy. Wait a minute. ****, how many times is he going to move those knights and Mass line around with Gilbert, anyway? I've totally lost track. He's not cheating, is he..?" and then you'll hang out with him at a bar and you'll realize, "Eff this guy! DrL was completely right." and depending on how drunk you are maybe you'll think, "But, ****, he sure can dance. Hell, I'd marry him"
Anyway I knew this wasn't going to end well.
Before I go any further I have to say the team game I'm about to relate was totally ****ing awesome. There were so many "Oh, ****!" moments it's unbelievable. If I forget any, I hope folks chime in, because it was a game for the ages.
Oh, yeah.
Go, Crown, go
So I'm partners with Dignan and I'm thinking Marro drones and lots of them, but that stupid SuBakNa is marro you control and not friendly marro, so eff the marros.
Except Dignan likes the Plague Hounds.
And I realize my BroInLaw isn't here and I can actually use the sentinels without getting chomped!
Here's what we end up with:
Me:
80 Raelin
220 Sentinels x 2
This army is a variation of the Sentinels x 3/new Raelin army I almost took to the MOP tournament Velenne threw last spring (until I feared the Zelrig). I love it. Usually I'm rolling 6 or 7 dice for defense. The effers never die. And it just pisses people off. Very cool.
Dignan:
120 Kaemon Awa
180 Plague Hounds
Looking back, 2 squads of stingers may have been a better idea...
R˙chean:
150 Major Q-10
100 Krav
50 Marro Warriors
This army is so typical R˙chean. Lots of unique range. I think the Marrow Warriors should just be called R˙chean's warriors...
Podwest:
75 Khosumet the Dark Lord
225 Werewolves x 3
I love using this army, too. Lots o' fun. And you get to howl.
The rules were 600 points with 300 to a teammate and a 28 space start zone.
The map was roughly square with lots of crazy paths over molten lava. The highest ground, as well as all 3 glyphs, were on lava fields.
Dignan split the start zones into 14 space sections that faced each other catty corner.
Hmmm. "Catty corner" may be a southern phrase. I don't think I heard that until I moved to Texas.
The start zones were diagonally across from each other.
(That help out all youse yankee types, nyys?)
And Dignan wanted us to sit ABAB instead of the usual teams facing across the table from each other.
Which is against THE RULES.
Which is why R˙chean broke into a cold sweat and I said, "The Rev is not gonna go for that..."
But we did it anyway, cause what the hell.
For simplicity's sake I will say that Dignan had his entire army in the north starting zone and I was in the south. Powest was between Dignan and I in the east starting zone, and R˙chean was between myself and Dignan in the west.
The 3 glyphs were revealed as Defense + 1, Lodin (d20 +1), and the wound glyph.
I lined all my guys up as close to R˙chean's army as I could. Dignan And I made eye contact and he smiled.
We were gonna gang up on the rock star!
We roll for initiative and Podwest rolls a 20.
That's 1.
First round Podwest moves towards me, I move towards R˙chean and Dignan also moves towards R˙chean. R˙chean takes some potshots with the marro warriors, Krav, and Q-10 to no avail and realizes he's in deep ****.
"They're all coming for me! I'm in deep **** here!"
Round 2 Podwest rolls a 20 for initiative.
That's 2.
More wolves my way.
Sentinels wail on some marro.
Plague hounds take out all the Krav and finish off the marro by the end of the round.
I have wolves up in my grill and I take a turn with Raelin.
And the **** hits the fan.
"What the **** are you doing! How could you be so stupid?!? Why would you put a marker on Raelin?!?!"
That was my "partner". Such a *******.
Podwest (the sycophant) agrees with Dignan that I'm an idiot and even R˙chean says something along the lines of, "The better move was the Sentinels." Which is like a normal person saying, "Man, you ****ed up!"
But screw all those guys. Yes I lost 3 attacks of 3. But my double shield rolling beefcakes ALL were now in clear sight to get the +2 defense. And NONE of them dies that round. Which was a better survival rate than everyone else's "smart move" army.
Did I mention I'm bitter?
Eff them. I did the right thing.
Anyway things are looking sweet for Dignan and I.
R˙chean has a 3 wound Q-10 left.
Dignan has only lost 2 plague hounds at this point--both to lava on the defense +1 glyph.
Podwest has lost a wolf or 2 to yours truly.
All my Sentinels are still flying around and flexing.
Podwest, who has 3 wolves engaged to my sentinels at this point, rolls another 20 for initiative.
What the ****?!?
That just doesn't happen.
That's 3.
I say, "Who cares. It's not like he can do it for his unleashed fury roll..."
Bum Bum Buhmmmm!
Dignan looks at me and I realize I've done that tempt the fates thing and I'll be ****ed
if Podwest doesn't roll a 20.
Again.
That's 4.
1/2 way there folks...
****er.
So after were all done saying, "D************mn."
And Podwest has stopped jumping up and down.
He rolls utter crap for all his attacks of 9 and only 1 sentinel goes down.
And supportive partner Jason points out that, "You could have killed those wolves last round if you hadn't wasted an order marker on Raelin."
And it is also around now that I have to physically slap Dignan's hands away from my Sentinels as he tries to "put them in the right spot."
wtf?
Even R˙chean can't believe it.
"You're moving his figures. What are you doing?"
But everyone realizes it's just Dignan and we move on.
And when I say just Dignan, I mean just a control freak *******.
I could never be his partner. It would be like signing up with Team Lucifer.
Bum Bum Buhmmmm!
Dignan looks at me and I realize I've done it again. R˙chean rolls his typical 1 out of 4 skulls for the first roll, still managing to put a wound on Kaemon.
Then ALL SKULLS!
Dead Kaemon Awa.
And death look from Dignan.
Which was kind of justified, really.
So now 4 or so rounds in and:
R˙chean still has that ****ing 3 wound Q-10 left.
Dignan has only 2 plague hounds.
Podwest has about 5 wolves left and Khosumet the Dark Lord. But that pansy doesn't really count, does he?
Khosumet, I mean, not Podwest.
HA!
I've got Raelin and 3 Sentinels.
Initiative is pretty darn important this round.
"Twenty," Podwest says as he drops the die in the tower.
And 20 it is, that unbelievable Babe Ruth Home Run Calling ****.
No one could believe it.
This game was so cool.
That's 5.
So in short order it's Dignan with Jack ****.
R˙chean with a 3 health Q-10 engaged to 2 Sentinels.
Me with Raelin and the 2 Beefcakes engaged with Q-10
And Podwest with Khosumet and 3 or 4 wolves.
I move Raelin to engage R˙chean's Q-10 with my 3rd order marker. The beefcakes had done nothing to dent that 5 defense effer.
R˙chean says something swarmy about Raelin and...
ALL SKULLS B****!
Wrath of Raelin! What does R˙chean roll?
Nothing!
Total DW whiff!
After much dancing and cheers, I win initiative.
I go club 2 more puppies and things are looking dark for the darklord and his remaining lackeys.
Podwest picks up the 20.
Our eyes meets.
And I know it before it happens...
20!
Unbelievable!
That's 6!
Six ****ing 20s and 2 he all but called! I didn't know whether to smash that die with a hammer or steal it!
So dead Raelin and dead beefcake, but i've got one beefcake left and he's got height.
whiff.
Podwest goes and and the last beefcake dies.
And I lost.
But it was soooo fun.
Just totally ****ing cool.
Man, you should have been there.
That way I could have drunk more beer and you could have driven my drunk*** home.
(I have never missed my BroInLaw more...)
****, this is a long one.
I think you guys are going to have to wait for Dignan and R˙chean putting Chicano's Overlord through its paces.
And Podwest earning my respect through the use of a Scottish accent.
And the top 3 things I wish I'd never ever said out loud during a game of Heroscape.
___________________________________
And I'm back.
Podwest and I decide to play armies comprised of units we don't usually use on one of Dignan's funky start zone maps, Can't see the jungle...
Map: Can't see the jungle...
Date Uploaded: 10/29/08
Requirements: 1 RotV, 2 TJ
Mean while Dignan and R˙chean moved to try out Overlord for the BOV.
Dignan brought an evil army:
185 Nilfheim
80 Deathreavers(rats) x 2
240 Stingers x 4
20 Marcu
10 Isamu
This army plays like a video game. First level is rats. Then Stingers followed by Nilfheim. Finally boss level with Isamu and Marcu.
I have only ever made it to Dragon level. And then only once.
It's a really annoying army to play against because you think you're doing okay against all the Stingers & rats and them you realize the dragon hasn't even moved yet...
R˙chean brought an old school army of
100 Marcus
110 Airborne Elite
80 Raelin
50 MeBurqSa
150 Romans x 3
50 R˙chean's Warriors
Alomst immediately R˙chean began bemoaning his army choice. It didn't seem bad to me.
I watched the opening moves of their game as Podwest finished setting up his guys.
Out came the rats. AE dropped and landed on road far away from Dignan's start zone. A conservative approach and probably a smart one as 4 AE in grenade range make a nice Nilf snack.
Meanwhile I had chosen this army as a fun one of guys I rarely, if ever, get to play:
110 Brunak
60 Deadey Dan
185 Sujoah
80 Spiders x 2
160 Sonlen
I watched Podwest suspiciously as one of his favorite tactics is to see what army you've picked and then pick his to for an overwhelming advantage.
He was eyeing the knights and snipers.
"I thought we we're picking stuff we don't usually use, Podwest."
"Yeah, yeah, you're right."
And then Podwest put away his blue and white standbys and picked:
110 Alastair McDirk
240 McDirks x 3
30 Eldgrim
110 Drake
110 Airborne Elite
Not only had Drew not picked a heroless army to counter Sujoah, he had picked one that counted on keeping its hero alive to be effective.
And he started talking in a (bad) Scottish accent!
Podwest is really turning out to be a cool guy. If only he could just stop gloating so much when he wins. 'Course that doesn't come up too often, so...
Anyway, this time, Podwest really kicked my ass. (Happy Podwest?)
I thought things were going to go my way at first as the AE dropped right away and Podwest made that "I nver played AE before" mistake and dropped the AE where he wanted them, instead of a safer location from which they could move to where he wanted them on his turn.
Because if you don't win initiative Sujoah and the spiders might kill 3 of your AE and tie up the remaining one before you even get to shoot.
Which is what happened.
Next round I was able to place Sujoah on even ground next to Alistair and I thought this was it. Podwest is hosed.
I roll 1 skull.
Podwest blocks it and after attacking, overextending, and attacking again, Sujoah has 2 wounds left.
Eff!
But I win initiative! And Sujoah attacks with ALL SKULLS! Podwest only rolls 1 shield, so Alastair is down to 2 life.
I chuckle maniacally as I reach for the 20 sided die.
"What do you need for poison sting to work? Do you need a 3? Because I don't think a 3 is high enough."
"No, the 3 was not high enough, Podwest"
Arrrrrrgh!
You know how a figure's performance the first time you play it forever colors your perception of it?
Well Sujoah really ****ing blows.
Podwest ran his Alastair away from my army and advanced with his remaining 8 McDirks.
McDirk's with an attack of 6.
It was a pretty brutal affair.
Afterwards Podwest didn't gloat (that much).
Instead he admitted that it had been something of a perfect storm for the McDirks to work so well.
And then he complimented my play with the spiders for tieing up and taking out so many McDirks and AE.
Humbleness and praise?!?! From Podwest. It was nice. A little Twilight Zoney, but nice.
While Podwest was screaming Scottish and cutting down my army, R˙chean was making pained noises from his game.
Every time I looked over there it didn't look good for R˙chean.
"I shouldn't have brought this army," Ry complained.
"Oh, is that going to be your excuse?" Dignan taunted.
Amd R˙chean gave him a look. A look I know well from having worn it so many times myself.
It's the "I want to kick your annoying ass so bad, but I can't--ooooooooooh, I hate you!" look I have so often had as Dignan mows my army down.
Soon there was a huddled mass of 1 AE, a Marro, Marcus, and 2 Romans facing a really big white dragon.
And an *** load of stingers and rats and Isamu and Marcu.
But at least Ry had made it to the Dragon level...
Podwest and I cheered R˙chean on through the end, even taunting Dignan into juicing it once with the Stingers in the hopes he'd suicide one of them.
Didn't work.
A few Ice Shards later and R˙chean was wiped off the face of that map.
And he was a little pissed about losing to Dignan.
Again.
Which made me happy, because misery loves company.
It was neat hearing Dignan and R˙chean discussing the merits of the map and how it had played for possible BOV inclusion.
And it would probably be interesting for you as well, but you'll have to see what R˙chean says in the BOV thread like everyone else.
I may tell you how R˙chean got a booty call halfway through his battle with Dignan (what a Rock Star!), but let you know what was discussed about a a potential Battlefields of Vahalla map?
Somethings should remain private.
HA!
So, Top Three Two Things I wish I'd Never Said During a Heroscape Game
Sorry, I know I said 3, but I can only think of the 2. I'm sure folks will chime in with more,though. I know I've said way more than just the 2...
1. "Ullar! Guide my shaft!"
(Shooting at my BroInLaw's Grimnak with Syvarris and needing a really good roll.)
Yeah, that went over well. I did get all skulls though...
2. "Hurry up! Podwest is coming up all over my ass!"
(Yelling at Dignan, my "partner", that I need help because Podwest's wolves are getting a little too close for comfort.)
Could definitely live without ever having said that one.
Ick! Uncontrolled Mental Image! Ick!
Next week the whole battle report will be finished in 1 night. Sorry for the serialized week long suffering I've put you through...
If any of this was at all amusing, don't forget to rep me.
I'm still chasing down the human teddy bear of cyber space, rym.
The ****er purposely tries to amuse RevDyer so that the good Rev revreps him.
What a *******!
At least I ***** for rep like an honest rep *****...
Every Tuesday I go to Dignan's to play Heroscape. Here's what happens...
The Players:
Dignan--Dignan is the guy who owns the house. He's got a personality like an attack dog. You're always the bonehead douche and he's always the smart guy that does it right.
Well at least I'm always the bonehead douche.
Hmmm...
Anyway, a good example of this is that the room we play in can get pretty warm sometimes. A normal person might say something along the lines of:
"Hey, sorry guys. It can get a little hot up here sometimes. the wife and I are saving up for a ceiling fan."
Dignan says: "Hey douche, why are you wearing a windbreaker?"
Me: "It was raining."
Dignan: "It's even lined! Oh my god! Idiot! Why would you wear that!"
Me(confused): "I didn't want to get wet?"
Dignan: "You're such an idiot! No wonder you're hot!"
Me: "I didn't say I was hot."
I was, though. Everyone was. It's always effing hot up there.
Dignan and R˙chean had a similar conversation the second time R˙chean came by to play.
R˙chean: "So, uh, it can get a little hot up here, huh?"
Dignan: "Yep."
I guess being a Heroscape Rock Star gets you a pass some times...
R˙chean--Speaking of the Heroscape Rock Star... R˙chean is very good at Heroscape, but unlike Dignan, isn't constantly rubbing your face in it. He's a blast to play against and I have nothing bad to say about him.
Yet.
I think his rock star pass wears off sometime next week...
Me/DrLivingston--I'm sitting in front of my computer with a 20 oz. bottle of sprite, 750 ml. bottle of Crown Royal, and a wondeful warm feeling in my belly.
I'm the nice guy of the bunch.
No, really.
Ask rym.
Podwest--I think I actually like Podwest. This is quite a moment here. This guy used to **** me off and disgust me in equal measures. But lately he's just been a cool guy. Funny, genuine, not cheating any more (that I've noticed). Still makes inexplicable moves at times, but somehow it's quirky now instead of just stupid.
CheddarLimbo, Rym, and Rodriquez are all guys who have made it over from Arlington at one time or another. I hope they show up again some time. Especially CheddarLimbo. I have stuff to say about this guy...
Well I showed up early and ended up playing Guitar Hero with Dignan and his wife.
Again she is so cool and again I do not get how Dignan fooled her into marriage.
Well after R˙chean (basically) said what the hell were we doing playing video games and he'd be ****ed if that's something he wanted to do, we all went upstairs.
Dignan had set up Overlord, a map by Chicano so R˙chean could continue play test it for possible inclusion to the famed Battlefields of Vahalla.
I was pretty pumped to actually witness a BOV map test.
But first Dignan had a lava team map set up for our consideration.
Dignan is the map czar for the DFW Heroscape Team Tournament in February.
R˙chean is sort of making him do it. I think R˙chean is getting tired of handling tournament bull**** and is hoping to pawn it off on Dignan.
Which, come to think of it, is kind of what Grungebob did to R˙chean...
So we diced for teams and I ended up on ****ing Dignan's team.
****.
Really.
****.
You know one day Dignan is going to stop spending all his money on video games and he'll be able to afford a ticket to Gen Con and you guys can meet him and you'll think, as he's methodically kicking your *** all over the place, "Wow, this guy is nice. DrLivingston is totally wrong about this guy. Wait a minute. ****, how many times is he going to move those knights and Mass line around with Gilbert, anyway? I've totally lost track. He's not cheating, is he..?" and then you'll hang out with him at a bar and you'll realize, "Eff this guy! DrL was completely right." and depending on how drunk you are maybe you'll think, "But, ****, he sure can dance. Hell, I'd marry him"
Anyway I knew this wasn't going to end well.
Before I go any further I have to say the team game I'm about to relate was totally ****ing awesome. There were so many "Oh, ****!" moments it's unbelievable. If I forget any, I hope folks chime in, because it was a game for the ages.
Oh, yeah.
Go, Crown, go
So I'm partners with Dignan and I'm thinking Marro drones and lots of them, but that stupid SuBakNa is marro you control and not friendly marro, so eff the marros.
Except Dignan likes the Plague Hounds.
And I realize my BroInLaw isn't here and I can actually use the sentinels without getting chomped!
Here's what we end up with:
Me:
80 Raelin
220 Sentinels x 2
This army is a variation of the Sentinels x 3/new Raelin army I almost took to the MOP tournament Velenne threw last spring (until I feared the Zelrig). I love it. Usually I'm rolling 6 or 7 dice for defense. The effers never die. And it just pisses people off. Very cool.
Dignan:
120 Kaemon Awa
180 Plague Hounds
Looking back, 2 squads of stingers may have been a better idea...
R˙chean:
150 Major Q-10
100 Krav
50 Marro Warriors
This army is so typical R˙chean. Lots of unique range. I think the Marrow Warriors should just be called R˙chean's warriors...
Podwest:
75 Khosumet the Dark Lord
225 Werewolves x 3
I love using this army, too. Lots o' fun. And you get to howl.
The rules were 600 points with 300 to a teammate and a 28 space start zone.
The map was roughly square with lots of crazy paths over molten lava. The highest ground, as well as all 3 glyphs, were on lava fields.
Dignan split the start zones into 14 space sections that faced each other catty corner.
Hmmm. "Catty corner" may be a southern phrase. I don't think I heard that until I moved to Texas.
The start zones were diagonally across from each other.
(That help out all youse yankee types, nyys?)
And Dignan wanted us to sit ABAB instead of the usual teams facing across the table from each other.
Which is against THE RULES.
Which is why R˙chean broke into a cold sweat and I said, "The Rev is not gonna go for that..."
But we did it anyway, cause what the hell.
For simplicity's sake I will say that Dignan had his entire army in the north starting zone and I was in the south. Powest was between Dignan and I in the east starting zone, and R˙chean was between myself and Dignan in the west.
The 3 glyphs were revealed as Defense + 1, Lodin (d20 +1), and the wound glyph.
I lined all my guys up as close to R˙chean's army as I could. Dignan And I made eye contact and he smiled.
We were gonna gang up on the rock star!
We roll for initiative and Podwest rolls a 20.
That's 1.
First round Podwest moves towards me, I move towards R˙chean and Dignan also moves towards R˙chean. R˙chean takes some potshots with the marro warriors, Krav, and Q-10 to no avail and realizes he's in deep ****.
"They're all coming for me! I'm in deep **** here!"
Round 2 Podwest rolls a 20 for initiative.
That's 2.
More wolves my way.
Sentinels wail on some marro.
Plague hounds take out all the Krav and finish off the marro by the end of the round.
I have wolves up in my grill and I take a turn with Raelin.
And the **** hits the fan.
"What the **** are you doing! How could you be so stupid?!? Why would you put a marker on Raelin?!?!"
That was my "partner". Such a *******.
Podwest (the sycophant) agrees with Dignan that I'm an idiot and even R˙chean says something along the lines of, "The better move was the Sentinels." Which is like a normal person saying, "Man, you ****ed up!"
But screw all those guys. Yes I lost 3 attacks of 3. But my double shield rolling beefcakes ALL were now in clear sight to get the +2 defense. And NONE of them dies that round. Which was a better survival rate than everyone else's "smart move" army.
Did I mention I'm bitter?
Eff them. I did the right thing.
Anyway things are looking sweet for Dignan and I.
R˙chean has a 3 wound Q-10 left.
Dignan has only lost 2 plague hounds at this point--both to lava on the defense +1 glyph.
Podwest has lost a wolf or 2 to yours truly.
All my Sentinels are still flying around and flexing.
Podwest, who has 3 wolves engaged to my sentinels at this point, rolls another 20 for initiative.
What the ****?!?
That just doesn't happen.
That's 3.
I say, "Who cares. It's not like he can do it for his unleashed fury roll..."
Bum Bum Buhmmmm!
Dignan looks at me and I realize I've done that tempt the fates thing and I'll be ****ed
if Podwest doesn't roll a 20.
Again.
That's 4.
1/2 way there folks...
****er.
So after were all done saying, "D************mn."
And Podwest has stopped jumping up and down.
He rolls utter crap for all his attacks of 9 and only 1 sentinel goes down.
And supportive partner Jason points out that, "You could have killed those wolves last round if you hadn't wasted an order marker on Raelin."
And it is also around now that I have to physically slap Dignan's hands away from my Sentinels as he tries to "put them in the right spot."
wtf?
Even R˙chean can't believe it.
"You're moving his figures. What are you doing?"
But everyone realizes it's just Dignan and we move on.
And when I say just Dignan, I mean just a control freak *******.
I could never be his partner. It would be like signing up with Team Lucifer.
Team Lucifer By-Laws
1. If your opponent screws up, never tell them. Never ever tell them if they forgot to roll for height defense, missed a move, etc.
2. If your teammate screws up, tell them. Loudly and in the most insulting way possible. Sapping your partner's will to live is good strategy.
3. Always do whatever Dignan tells you to do. After all, he(Lucifer) knows best.
4. Never, ever, offer good advice to your opponent. Misleading and awful advice is completely justified and even expected.
5. Be a *******.
It was horrible, but we were winning. So it wasn't that horrible. Which I guess what deals with that Lucifer guy are all about...
We were winning and then it just went all to hell.
I mean there was no way we could lose, but...
Then Podwest talked R˙chean into moving Q-10 over and shooting up Kaemon Awa, who was till sitting in the start zone.
I said, "Relax, he's not going to kill Kaemon Awa in one turn of shooting."
1. If your opponent screws up, never tell them. Never ever tell them if they forgot to roll for height defense, missed a move, etc.
2. If your teammate screws up, tell them. Loudly and in the most insulting way possible. Sapping your partner's will to live is good strategy.
3. Always do whatever Dignan tells you to do. After all, he(Lucifer) knows best.
4. Never, ever, offer good advice to your opponent. Misleading and awful advice is completely justified and even expected.
5. Be a *******.
It was horrible, but we were winning. So it wasn't that horrible. Which I guess what deals with that Lucifer guy are all about...
We were winning and then it just went all to hell.
I mean there was no way we could lose, but...
Then Podwest talked R˙chean into moving Q-10 over and shooting up Kaemon Awa, who was till sitting in the start zone.
I said, "Relax, he's not going to kill Kaemon Awa in one turn of shooting."
Bum Bum Buhmmmm!
Dignan looks at me and I realize I've done it again. R˙chean rolls his typical 1 out of 4 skulls for the first roll, still managing to put a wound on Kaemon.
Then ALL SKULLS!
Dead Kaemon Awa.
And death look from Dignan.
Which was kind of justified, really.
So now 4 or so rounds in and:
R˙chean still has that ****ing 3 wound Q-10 left.
Dignan has only 2 plague hounds.
Podwest has about 5 wolves left and Khosumet the Dark Lord. But that pansy doesn't really count, does he?
Khosumet, I mean, not Podwest.
HA!
I've got Raelin and 3 Sentinels.
Initiative is pretty darn important this round.
"Twenty," Podwest says as he drops the die in the tower.
And 20 it is, that unbelievable Babe Ruth Home Run Calling ****.
No one could believe it.
This game was so cool.
That's 5.
So in short order it's Dignan with Jack ****.
R˙chean with a 3 health Q-10 engaged to 2 Sentinels.
Me with Raelin and the 2 Beefcakes engaged with Q-10
And Podwest with Khosumet and 3 or 4 wolves.
I move Raelin to engage R˙chean's Q-10 with my 3rd order marker. The beefcakes had done nothing to dent that 5 defense effer.
R˙chean says something swarmy about Raelin and...
ALL SKULLS B****!
Wrath of Raelin! What does R˙chean roll?
Nothing!
Total DW whiff!
After much dancing and cheers, I win initiative.
I go club 2 more puppies and things are looking dark for the darklord and his remaining lackeys.
Podwest picks up the 20.
Our eyes meets.
And I know it before it happens...
20!
Unbelievable!
That's 6!
Six ****ing 20s and 2 he all but called! I didn't know whether to smash that die with a hammer or steal it!
So dead Raelin and dead beefcake, but i've got one beefcake left and he's got height.
whiff.
Podwest goes and and the last beefcake dies.
And I lost.
But it was soooo fun.
Just totally ****ing cool.
Man, you should have been there.
That way I could have drunk more beer and you could have driven my drunk*** home.
(I have never missed my BroInLaw more...)
****, this is a long one.
I think you guys are going to have to wait for Dignan and R˙chean putting Chicano's Overlord through its paces.
And Podwest earning my respect through the use of a Scottish accent.
And the top 3 things I wish I'd never ever said out loud during a game of Heroscape.
___________________________________
And I'm back.
Podwest and I decide to play armies comprised of units we don't usually use on one of Dignan's funky start zone maps, Can't see the jungle...
Map: Can't see the jungle...
Date Uploaded: 10/29/08
Requirements: 1 RotV, 2 TJ
Mean while Dignan and R˙chean moved to try out Overlord for the BOV.
Dignan brought an evil army:
185 Nilfheim
80 Deathreavers(rats) x 2
240 Stingers x 4
20 Marcu
10 Isamu
This army plays like a video game. First level is rats. Then Stingers followed by Nilfheim. Finally boss level with Isamu and Marcu.
I have only ever made it to Dragon level. And then only once.
It's a really annoying army to play against because you think you're doing okay against all the Stingers & rats and them you realize the dragon hasn't even moved yet...
R˙chean brought an old school army of
100 Marcus
110 Airborne Elite
80 Raelin
50 MeBurqSa
150 Romans x 3
50 R˙chean's Warriors
Alomst immediately R˙chean began bemoaning his army choice. It didn't seem bad to me.
I watched the opening moves of their game as Podwest finished setting up his guys.
Out came the rats. AE dropped and landed on road far away from Dignan's start zone. A conservative approach and probably a smart one as 4 AE in grenade range make a nice Nilf snack.
Meanwhile I had chosen this army as a fun one of guys I rarely, if ever, get to play:
110 Brunak
60 Deadey Dan
185 Sujoah
80 Spiders x 2
160 Sonlen
I watched Podwest suspiciously as one of his favorite tactics is to see what army you've picked and then pick his to for an overwhelming advantage.
He was eyeing the knights and snipers.
"I thought we we're picking stuff we don't usually use, Podwest."
"Yeah, yeah, you're right."
And then Podwest put away his blue and white standbys and picked:
110 Alastair McDirk
240 McDirks x 3
30 Eldgrim
110 Drake
110 Airborne Elite
Not only had Drew not picked a heroless army to counter Sujoah, he had picked one that counted on keeping its hero alive to be effective.
And he started talking in a (bad) Scottish accent!
Podwest is really turning out to be a cool guy. If only he could just stop gloating so much when he wins. 'Course that doesn't come up too often, so...
Anyway, this time, Podwest really kicked my ass. (Happy Podwest?)
I thought things were going to go my way at first as the AE dropped right away and Podwest made that "I nver played AE before" mistake and dropped the AE where he wanted them, instead of a safer location from which they could move to where he wanted them on his turn.
Because if you don't win initiative Sujoah and the spiders might kill 3 of your AE and tie up the remaining one before you even get to shoot.
Which is what happened.
Next round I was able to place Sujoah on even ground next to Alistair and I thought this was it. Podwest is hosed.
I roll 1 skull.
Podwest blocks it and after attacking, overextending, and attacking again, Sujoah has 2 wounds left.
Eff!
But I win initiative! And Sujoah attacks with ALL SKULLS! Podwest only rolls 1 shield, so Alastair is down to 2 life.
I chuckle maniacally as I reach for the 20 sided die.
"What do you need for poison sting to work? Do you need a 3? Because I don't think a 3 is high enough."
"No, the 3 was not high enough, Podwest"
Arrrrrrgh!
You know how a figure's performance the first time you play it forever colors your perception of it?
Well Sujoah really ****ing blows.
Podwest ran his Alastair away from my army and advanced with his remaining 8 McDirks.
McDirk's with an attack of 6.
It was a pretty brutal affair.
Afterwards Podwest didn't gloat (that much).
Instead he admitted that it had been something of a perfect storm for the McDirks to work so well.
And then he complimented my play with the spiders for tieing up and taking out so many McDirks and AE.
Humbleness and praise?!?! From Podwest. It was nice. A little Twilight Zoney, but nice.
While Podwest was screaming Scottish and cutting down my army, R˙chean was making pained noises from his game.
Every time I looked over there it didn't look good for R˙chean.
"I shouldn't have brought this army," Ry complained.
"Oh, is that going to be your excuse?" Dignan taunted.
Amd R˙chean gave him a look. A look I know well from having worn it so many times myself.
It's the "I want to kick your annoying ass so bad, but I can't--ooooooooooh, I hate you!" look I have so often had as Dignan mows my army down.
Soon there was a huddled mass of 1 AE, a Marro, Marcus, and 2 Romans facing a really big white dragon.
And an *** load of stingers and rats and Isamu and Marcu.
But at least Ry had made it to the Dragon level...
Podwest and I cheered R˙chean on through the end, even taunting Dignan into juicing it once with the Stingers in the hopes he'd suicide one of them.
Didn't work.
A few Ice Shards later and R˙chean was wiped off the face of that map.
And he was a little pissed about losing to Dignan.
Again.
Which made me happy, because misery loves company.
It was neat hearing Dignan and R˙chean discussing the merits of the map and how it had played for possible BOV inclusion.
And it would probably be interesting for you as well, but you'll have to see what R˙chean says in the BOV thread like everyone else.
I may tell you how R˙chean got a booty call halfway through his battle with Dignan (what a Rock Star!), but let you know what was discussed about a a potential Battlefields of Vahalla map?
Somethings should remain private.
HA!
So, Top Three Two Things I wish I'd Never Said During a Heroscape Game
Sorry, I know I said 3, but I can only think of the 2. I'm sure folks will chime in with more,though. I know I've said way more than just the 2...
1. "Ullar! Guide my shaft!"
(Shooting at my BroInLaw's Grimnak with Syvarris and needing a really good roll.)
Yeah, that went over well. I did get all skulls though...
2. "Hurry up! Podwest is coming up all over my ass!"
(Yelling at Dignan, my "partner", that I need help because Podwest's wolves are getting a little too close for comfort.)
Could definitely live without ever having said that one.
Ick! Uncontrolled Mental Image! Ick!
Next week the whole battle report will be finished in 1 night. Sorry for the serialized week long suffering I've put you through...
If any of this was at all amusing, don't forget to rep me.
I'm still chasing down the human teddy bear of cyber space, rym.
The ****er purposely tries to amuse RevDyer so that the good Rev revreps him.
What a *******!
At least I ***** for rep like an honest rep *****...
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