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Hot Iron

Posted April 6th, 2021 at 01:09 PM by Sylvano the Wasabus
I am very projected oriented. I like setting a goal, accomplishing it and then setting a new goal and repeating. Itís a system Iíve tinkered with for most of my life and have used it to be productive. And at this moment, I hate it.

I donít like it because it never lets me rest. One thing is finished, time to start more. There are always more ideas, further things to work on. Rest seems like laziness. But I am feeling worn out just now.

I just finished a productive period. I completed nine projects that I was working on. I like working on more than one at a time, that way I donít get bored. Nine didnít seem like too many at the time. But now Iím burned out.

I usually joke with myself that I can last two days before starting something new- a project, a company, anything- and those two days will be filled with endless exciting ideas.

Some of the projects are longer term, covering a couple years. Some are wholly dependent on how quickly I accomplish the work. I donít celebrate my successes- really they hardly seem like successes once theyíre done- instead I plunge onwards to the next thing.

I know that this isnít necessarily healthy. All things in moderation, right? There is much to be said for just ďbeingĒ. Simply existing. Smelling the flowers, tasting the coffee, feeling the wind on your face. I donít ignore such things. In fact I think I partake of them more that most people. Which makes me think that Iím living on a different speed than everyone else.

Donít they know that life is finite? Covid could kill or wither you, you could get hit by a car or some wonky cells in your brain could get together and have a tumor party. Or some random gunman could kill you in the supermarket and steal from you all those days of ideas and dreams that you had yet to act upon.

I seem to be surrounded by people who have no clear idea what they want to do. Iím older now and some of my friends are retiring. They donít know why. Donít have any specific plans. Maybe get a part time job? Possibly read more and watch less television? Oh wait- more time = more television.

Meanwhile I feel like Iím swimming upstream- struggling, not really getting any place. Theyíre flowing with the current, hardly trying at all. And we will end up in the same place.

I guess it comes down to what you want to do with your days and your hours and your minutes. I like to make things, tell stories, build things. It always seems like a struggle because everything is against that. Time is against that. Weather is. Other humans.

I, foolishly perhaps, consider myself to be reasonably intelligent. I recognize that I have chosen this path, this compulsion. My happiness is not the happiness of the people watching television eating their chips. My happiness is the journey, the struggle to create, sometimes I look back but mostly I look ahead. The breathtaking scope of things yet to be done is astounding.

A man I knew died last week. We werenít friends- neither of us had the time for that, we were both too busy on our own journeys. At his funeral they read a quote from The Return of The King, which I canít find. It went something like this:

ďThe road continues, always continues, but I will turn off here, at this inn and go to rest. Good travelling to the rest of you. The road continues on and on.Ē

Hereís to you Peter. Although I donít look back I can feel you there. I have to do something with this hot iron before it cools.
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