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Posted April 16th, 2013 at 12:07 PM by Sylvano the Wasabus
“I’m scared Pooh.”

“Don’t be frightened Piglet.” Answered Pooh, who was carrying a picnic basket, “Although we are in a Changed Sort of Place, I think everything is going to be Fine.”

“But Pooh,” Piglet continued, still Very Worried, “you only have four move and I have seven move.”

“Yes.” Pooh said, tapping his head in order to encourage a Thought. “I’ve been thinking very much about that. I think because you are a Very Small Animal and I am a very .... not Small Animal, you can run faster, in order to Escape and Hide.”

“What is disengage Pooh? I also have disengage.”

Pooh tapped his head several more times. “I’m sure it’s somewhere in my head, Piglet. I’m just trying to make it come loose.”

They were making their way slowing towards the bridge over the river at the edge of the Hundred Acre Wood. Up ahead there was a large grey thing in the pathway.

“Oh Pooh, oh no.”

“I don’t think it’s an Oh No Piglet. I think it’s rather more of .... an Eeyore.” Pooh said.

And Pooh was correct, for Eeyore was lying on his back, feet in the air, eyes wide open.

“If you’re going to walk right over me try to stay more in the middle.” Eeyore said unhappily. “It will only hurt a little that way.”

“What are you doing Eeyore?” Piglet asked.

“What does it look like? I’m waiting. There’s a squad of Tarn ahead and I thought I’d lay here and make it easier for them to kill me. Why postpone the inevitable?”

Pooh, who didn’t know what an Inevitable was, said “oh, I see.”

Piglet, who didn’t know what an inevitable was either, said “oh yes quite.”

Suddenly something rather small and brown flew through the air and landed on Eeyore’s stomach. Eeyore said Oooofff, and little Roo, who had just arrived in from Some Where, began to bounce on Eeyore’s grey belly.

“Just .... Offff....try to keep....Ooofff... in the .... Ooooff..... .middle.” Eeyore said.

Piglet was very relieved to see Roo, for he considered them both to be Very Small Animals. And if Roo was smiling and not Running For His Life, that was likely to be a Good Sign.

Just as Pooh was thinking it was time to open the picnic basket and have a Little Smackeral of Something, there was a ferocious howl from the other side of the bridge. A large bear like figure with huge claws and bony protuberances growled and began coming towards them.

‘”I knew it.” Eeyore said gloomily. “It was just a matter of time.”

Roo had stopped jumping and Piglet had produced a Small Puddle of Yellow Fluid.

“I think it wants the picnic basket.” Said Pooh, and held the basket closer protectively.

The beast on the bridge growled again and came even closer.

“Perhaps it would be possible to share something.” Pooh considered aloud, and opened the basket to look at its contents.

Inside there were four honey jars. One was already empty because he’d gotten hungry while packing the basket. The other three were reasonably full. Still, to give away an entire jar of honey seemed to be a rather Frightful Thing.

“P...pppp....ppp...” Piglet managed to say.

Oh well, thought Pooh. It would be a Kindly Thing to welcome a New Creature to the woods. He’d tried hard when Tigger had arrived, hadn’t he?

Slowly, Pooh withdrew a honey jar. Then he rolled it on the ground towards the Snarling Creature, who was so close now that they were all getting a bit wet.

The Dumatef picked up the honey jar and looked at it oddly. Some of the rage seemed to disappear from its eyes. Somewhere, Pooh thought, a 20d was being rolled. And then the creature began eating the honey and making Happy Dumatef Noises.

“Thank goodness for Honey Pot Mind Control.” Pooh said, even though he wasn’t quite sure what it meant.

If the afternoon had ended there it would have been a Glorious Day, but they were in Hundred Acre Hex Land now, and things were Quite Different. The squad of Tarn made their appearance then, and though they were not as large as the Dumatef, they still managed to look Ferocious and Slobbery. They came part way across the bridge and then berserker charged the rest of the way towards the friends.

The first Tarn swiped at Piglet and it turned out that Piglet had Vanish as well. The second Tarn swiped at Eeyore, expecting a trick of some kind and he was rewarded when a small ball of brown fur and large feet hit him in the face, stunning him for one turn.

The third Tarn engaged the Dumatef who was now one of Pooh’s Very Best Friends. The final Tarn growled at Pooh and it sounded so much like his own stomach growling that Pooh laughed. This enraged the Tarn and he raised his sword but then he was bowled over by a Ferocious Flying Kanga, which is normally a Docile Creature but becomes Extremely Dangerous in the winter months, and also when its young are Threatened.

The Tarn were strong in defense but they could not withstand the range of special attacks leveled against them. Pooh used his Honey Pot Mind Control and was successful yet again, while Kanga had booted two of the Tarn into the river.

The last Tarn decided to run for it but Piglet was busy vanishing between his legs at the same time and the Viking feel heavily and hit his head on a stone and was soon Happily Unconscious.

Pooh looked at the devastation around them.

“Well,” he said in a thoughtful sort of way, “I suppose we should have lunch.”
Total Comments 7


Arch-vile's Avatar
You nailed the writing style of the Pooh books perfectly. Funny blog!
Posted April 16th, 2013 at 01:35 PM by Arch-vile Arch-vile is offline
ZBeeblebrox's Avatar

Well done sylvano!
Posted April 16th, 2013 at 01:47 PM by ZBeeblebrox ZBeeblebrox is offline
Joseph Sweeney's Avatar

Haha, very good!

Hey, ZB, I have more 's than you.
Posted April 16th, 2013 at 02:01 PM by Joseph Sweeney Joseph Sweeney is offline
Very well written.
Posted April 16th, 2013 at 02:46 PM by AMIS AMIS is offline
Updated April 16th, 2013 at 02:47 PM by AMIS (A better title may have been 'A Bridge Over Pooh.)
flameslayer93's Avatar
This is wonderful!
Posted April 16th, 2013 at 09:04 PM by flameslayer93 flameslayer93 is offline
elvenwizard9's Avatar
Bookmarking this page.
Posted April 24th, 2013 at 09:20 PM by elvenwizard9 elvenwizard9 is offline
Taeblewalker's Avatar
Posted December 21st, 2020 at 09:52 PM by Taeblewalker Taeblewalker is offline
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