Ask Papa-'Scape #2

Hello, boys and girls! Welcome to the second edition of Ask Papa-‘Scape. In this episode I will attempt to answer both of the questions that have flooded into Revdyer’s PM mail box.

Here is the first. It is rather long and this, no doubt, reflects the disturbed mental state of the writer. That is quite all right, however. We do not mind crazy writers at all. They are, in fact, the very heart of the HeroScape community. At least our crazy people bathe fairly frequently. Anyway, here’s the letter:

Papa-'Scape,

I need to know if I’m a terrible father or not.

As most ‘scapers know, the paint jobs and finishes on figures can vary from booster to booster.

When I first started purchasing boosters I would look through all the figures and select the ones with the best paint jobs to keep as my own. I would then give the ones with painting flaws or imperfections to my kids.

Once I got my kids hooked on ‘scape, I was able to purchase entire waves and give them as gifts on special occasions. After my kids opened them, I would rummage through the new additions and compare each figures paint job to the ones I kept as my own. If I preferred the new figure, I would replace mine with the new higher quality one from my childrens new sets.

At first, I justified my actions by telling myself that I bought the new figures, so it was acceptable. They could have just as easily gotten the cruddy paint job I had tolerated up to that point.

Then it happened…while shopping with his mother, my youngest son picked up a Wave 8 booster of perfectly painted elves, paid for with his own allowance money.

When I got home and saw the craftsmanship on this booster, I had to replace them with the sub-par figs I had been using since I got them in June.

My kids don’t seem to care much about the paint, but I can’t help feeling guilty, especially when my kid bought this last set with his own cash.

Am I a terrible father or should I seek professional help?

V/r

remain_silvery_HORSEGUY

p.s. Love the new Blog!

Dear r_s_HORSEREARGUY,

Thank you for being the first non-fictional person to write to Papa-‘Scape. I both welcomed your letter and then, upon reading it carefully, became rather disturbed. Or, rather, I became convinced that you are rather disturbed. You ask if you are a terrible father or not and then you give ambiguous information, no doubt in a feeble attempt to look better than you really are. You buy toys for your children and that is a good thing. You play games with them, too, and that is a very good thing. But you cheat them out of the best painted figures – cheat, I say, without equivocation. Think how you would feel if your children did this in relation to you cars’ paint jobs. The time will come when they will and then you will know. For shame, sir! For shame!

You also ask if you should seek professional help? I would guess not. You would be better off enlisting in one of the armed forces of our great country. Should you already be enlisted in a service, say, for instance, the Air Force, then you should immediately document and report your behavior to your C/O or at least the O/D. Do not, however, under any circumstances inflict your disease on some poor Chaplain. They have enough to do as it is.

Happy ‘Scaping! –Papa-‘S.

Now, boys and girls, on to our second letter, one which is much more normal, not nearly as long, and gives us a better perspective on life itself. It was passed on to me by our own friend whitestuff.

Papa-'Scape,
Sometimes, when my opponents aren't looking, I change the dice. Am I a bad person?
signed Desperate to win

Dear Desparate,

I do not think you are a bad person; but, then, I don’t really know you, do I? If the meager information you provide is to be the determinate condition of your badness, then I may need more data. Specifically, I need to know exactly what it is you are changing the dice into when your opponents are not looking. If you are changing them from hard pieces of plastic into wonderful chocolate bunnies, then that does not make you a bad person at all, but almost as nice as the Easter bunny (“Passover bunny” for Reform Jews, "Earthmother bunny" for Wiccans, "Fred" for My Little Ponyists). However, if you are changing flagbearer dice into plain old white dice, or worse, if you are changing classic red and blue dice into, say, twenty ordinary wound markers, that makes you a very bad person indeed.

Oh, wait...Momma-‘Scape just gave me another idea. Well, actually, she gives me a lot of ideas, that’s how we’ve managed to stay married thirty-seven years. But she said what you might mean was that you were turning skulls or shields to blanks or other things like that. That would be naughty. It wouldn’t necessarily make you a bad person, but if you got caught doing that in Arkansas or Australia or almost any place that begins with the letter “A” it would make you a person with fewer non-broken fingers. If your opponent carriers a big old knife (what we call an “Arkansas tooth-pick” and some fellow named Dundee called a “knife”) it might even make you into a HeroScaper whose screen name would be “Three-finger Jake.” So, don’t do that. Ever.

Happy ‘Scaping. –P-‘S.

And that’s it for today’s mail. If you have questions or comments, you can PM them to Revdyer and he’ll pass them along to me.