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So I have something to say I guess.

Posted July 24th, 2014 at 09:36 PM by Heroscaper Guy
I'm a mess, I'll admit that. I seem to have my own set of problems. So I have a friend name d Shannon who I meet about a year ago in my first semester at college. We've started to bond, and she's the only Geek Girl I know (heck, she's pretty much the only geek I know in real life). I tried to get closer thinking she liked me (and from what I told my friends and family, they thought she liked me too.), turns out she has a boyfriend. Yeah, backed up a little bit there. Other than that I've been doing pretty good for a college student who started last year when he was supposed to be in 11th grade. Haven't gotten anything below a B so I'm happy there (and my parents are too). I have also been doing volunteer work for my Bright Futures scholarship (100 hours of volunteer work is required) at the local library. I met a girl there yesterday who was also working there. She was my age (I bet you can figure out what I'm thinking now), so we talked when it wasn't that busy. And then she mentioned her boyfriend. I swear I could hear the screeching of brakes in my head. And none of the other girls that I have grown up with (often, since they were born, since I'm older than all but one) want anything to do with me really, much less romantic (I think it's because I'm a geek through and through. Drives everyone around me nuts with all my references they don't get. Some get some of my references, but they don't know much of comic books, etc.) ACT was a jerk to me last year but I'm determined to bring my grade up by a point (You need a certain score for Bright Futures.) by the next time I try it. Finally, my last problem, and the one those in the Hangout know about and have helped me with: I'm Transgender (Does that make me a lesbian too?, not quite sure on that matter). My family and friends don't know yet and I'm not certain how to broach the subject. I'm pretty sure just based on some of their reactions to things like Homosexuality, that they will cut all ties to me. The only person I'm pretty sure won't leave me would be Shannon, just judging by a conversation we had. So I really don't know what to do here with my life. Everyone I know wonders why I retreat into my music, videogames, and fictional worlds, but I can't tell them why. "Well, it's because not only can I identify as the girl I am on the inside, but it also lets me imagine myself as a hero." This whole mess has made me question my religion too. Why would a Supreme being, who supposedly created you just the way you are supposed to be, make it so that those feeling like they should be the opposite gender? And then have his followers believe that's wrong? It's mind boggling to me. Well, that's probably enough about my problems. I just felt since The Hangout knew about it, I could eventually let you guys know as a whole, and that time came I guess.
Total Comments 10


Arch-vile's Avatar
Does your school have an LGBT group? It's huge at my school; I've been to one pride meeting last year and they're a cool bunch, super supportive of everyone and no assumptions are made.

There are a lot of tough questions about the spiritual side of things. I don't follow a particular religion (though I consider myself Christian since I like and follow Jesus's lessons as best as I can), and I'm not totally on board with the idea that a God exists. I've always wondered how a god could let murder happen to innocents if he/she was watching out for them? I think the man upstairs watches over you in heaven, and this world is just our judging ground where people get free reign. If you do good things and accept other people for who they are and ultimately improve the world's happiness, you pass. It's confusing - I always talk myself into a circle when I think about religion. It doesn't make sense scientifically but when we die our consciousness can't just disappear, right?

The ACT sucks. I took a class to prepare for it as well as getting a Kaplan test prep book; I did very well except for the writing section. Just do a ton of practice tests.
Posted July 25th, 2014 at 03:10 PM by Arch-vile Arch-vile is online now
Tornado's Avatar
My best advice is be happy. Easier said than done I know but never worry about what others think as long as you know you are a good person who tries to live the right way.
You have to be true to yourself, first. Be happy and love who you are and hopefully others will too. If not, that is their choice and their loss. Seek new people if you feel the desire. You are young and that is the hardest time to deal with these matters. I know that does little to help now but perspective and wisdom requires time. I would suggest seeking out cool older folks that perhaps have struggled with similar issues and maybe they can lend their views and advice in a helpful way.
I am sorry I can not offer more for I do not have much experience in the subject matter but I wish you all the best. For me, I stumbled into my girlfriends and never had much luck actively seeking one. The only time women ever seemed interested in me was when I already was spoken for. So is life. Good luck on that ACT.
As far as religion goes, it comes down to what you believe and what works for you. I would suggest taking a look at Buddhism if you are considering something new.
Posted July 25th, 2014 at 03:43 PM by Tornado Tornado is offline
ollie's Avatar
I second Arch-vile's suggestion of seeking out support at your school.

Where I am there's a large number (as a fraction; nothing is objectively large at a school with fewer than 300 students) of trans* folk and a good wider network of locals and alumni. If there's nothing where you are, or not what you need, let me know and I can plug you in to that, but some people you can talk to in person is probably best.
Posted July 25th, 2014 at 06:58 PM by ollie ollie is offline
Sherman Davies's Avatar
I hope you can find support from others like yourself at your school, but living in Florida you may find that difficult.

I hope that one day you're able to talk to your family about this, but if you can't get support from them, remember that friends are the family you choose.
Posted July 26th, 2014 at 11:35 AM by Sherman Davies Sherman Davies is offline
quozl's Avatar
I'm just curious and not trying to be rude at all but if you'd like to explain what it means to fell like a different gender, I'd love to hear what you have to say. I'm not sure what it would even feel like. Aren't we all just people?
Posted July 28th, 2014 at 08:43 PM by quozl quozl is online now
Heroscaper Guy's Avatar
I believe that this is the best way to explain it. It's a feeling that I can describe as feeling uncomfortable in your own body and, let's just say your reproductive organs. You want to change it to fit how you believe it should have been when you were born and to get away from the feeling you have in your body. That's probably not the best description, but it's mine. It might vary slightly from transperson to transperson.
Posted July 28th, 2014 at 09:04 PM by Heroscaper Guy Heroscaper Guy is offline
quozl's Avatar
Thanks, HG. I think lots of people feel uncomfortable in their body, especially in the teenage years. I don't think that means they are trans though.
Posted July 28th, 2014 at 09:16 PM by quozl quozl is online now
chas's Avatar
In Billion Year Spree, his now old book on the history of science fiction, Brian Aldiss talked about how most US SF authors got along so well with each other that literary agents were amazed. The agent's usual practice was to never bring one author client (an egomaniacally 'difficult' creative person) into contact with another. But Sci Fi was a noted exception; they all belonged to the same club, and always formed a natural clan when they met, so an agent would often schedule meetings with several of them at once!

On the other hand, he described how at the time (1970s?), British SF authors seemed to be living in total isolation--even a successful one would go to a ceremony, get his award, and then nod and disappear, where US authors would be then partying with their buds at the event!

As a much older guy, I can only say that I look on it as something of a miracle that today you can reach out to people like you--whoever you are. In the Silver Age, we comic geeks felt like part of a secret cult. Now every day I walk down the NYC street and see someone wearing a comic book tee shirt. Its amazing to me that the world has changed so much since I 'grew up.'

Take advantage of that, and seek others like yourself. Don't live alone. Its taken me many years to only partially come out of my shell. But the times I've been brave enough to seek friends in various activities from personal growth and the Men's Movement to theater, story telling and travel have been magical for me. I'm lucky these days because three of my Scape pals live close by and have become local friends, for example.

Think of every facet of yourself as another channel you can open to a wider community! Don't agonize over how 'different' you are. These days there is no 'normal,' only different niches where you can live your life. Go for yours!

Whatever you decide to do about your own physical sexuality, there is a wealth of wisdom waiting for you in both male and female 'personas.' Some psychological and spiritual thought suggests that the opposite of your physical sexuality is your very own Guardian Angel, who is always standing by to give you advice and comfort, whenever you can hear Her.
Posted July 29th, 2014 at 06:33 AM by chas chas is offline
Updated July 29th, 2014 at 06:58 AM by chas
Sylvano the Wasabus's Avatar
God has a different vision for each person. If you believe he/she is all powerful than you must believe they are capable of all things, including things that are different than you expected and things that don’t make sense to you. You have a hard road ahead but it leads to something better. Keep going. Be yourself. Build a good life and excise the negative.
Posted July 30th, 2014 at 11:57 AM by Sylvano the Wasabus Sylvano the Wasabus is offline
Mossman's Avatar
Someone close to me is trans and eventually began living as the opposite gender. He (was a she) is married, has two beautiful kids, and is very happy. It wasn't easy and it took a long time for the family to come around, but with support and patience, you can get there.
Posted July 31st, 2014 at 06:13 PM by Mossman Mossman is offline
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