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This one really happened... Part 1

Posted November 8th, 2010 at 11:55 PM by BiggaBullfrog
First warning: This story is true. I apologize in advance to all who may be offended. Second warning: This story is long and will come in two parts. I apologize in advance to all who may be offended.

Now that the disclaimers are out of the way, I can get to the story. In my earlier blog entry, kaiyu0707 asked why all the interesting stories here aren't real. Now, while Sylvano the Wasabus has a lot of great and true stories, this is my personal answer to the challenge (I'm sure it wasn't really a challenge, but I was in a Stinkoman mood).

So, you all know that big ol' competition that is Miss America, right? And the competitors are decided by smaller competitions in states, and ultimately counties/other areas warranting competition. That's all fine and dandy, and nothing you didn't know. But, did you know that there are Mr. competitions as well? Well, here there are-the good ol' Mr. UBIC (Uintah Basin something something) competition. And yes, I partook in it, thus this story.

It all started when my friend, who also won last year, started telling me to go for it. He said I was funny. Said I'd do well. Told me the prize was $500. I was still hesitant until he called the lady in charge and gave me the phone. Guess I couldn't really back down then, could I?

So I started preparation. The competition was based loosely off the Miss X competitions, giving us the following categories for judging: the group dance number, the talent, the modeling, the onstage interview, and the sexy-legs contest (the sexy legs contest was a side thing-no effect on overall scores, but an additional $50 if you won). My friend told me that all I really needed to do in each category was make fun of the Miss pageants-that's what the competition was for, mainly. And so I got ready.

The day came, and we started our first competition, the group dance. I'll be completely honest with you, there was nothing whatsoever interesting about this part. So I'll move on.

Talent portion was next. This was also the portion I had the most trouble with-I couldn't for the life of me decide what I wanted to do. Eventually, I settled on singing. Everyone sings, right? Of course, I threw in my own little twist...

And there I was, behind the closed curtain. The announcer (last year's king, my friend) announced my name, my competition number, and that I would be singing a song. Song title: "My Heart Will Go On." There was a little murmur through the crowd; I learned afterward that most people thought I was singing a song that happened to have the same name as the theme from Titanic yet was not the same song as the theme from Titanic.

The Titanic theme music starts. A few chuckles ran through the crowd. Then the curtains opened, and the laughs grew. Guess I'm pretty ugly. Or my puppet was. That's right, in my arms was a glamorous puppet. I had decided to go with ventriloquism.

Pretty standard after that. My puppet sang, to the delight of the audience. I even improvised with some dramatic breaths and uber-long notes. Over all, pretty fun. The audience laughed, which was what I was going for, so I was happy.

Next up, modeling. Model as what, you ask? Well, it really was contestant's choice, so I went with something I knew would get a good response. I put on black clothing, outrageously spiked my hair, took eyeliner to my chest, sprayed on the glitter, and stepped out on stage.

If you haven't guessed, I modeled as a Twilight vampire (Note: I do not support Twilight in any way-like I said, I just went for what would get a good laugh). I had it all going for me-the hair, the hairy chest, and when I unbuttoned my shirt in center stage, the glitter shone forth and wowed the audience. I even stared at one of the judges the whole time, just like any stalker vampire should. Like I hoped, the audience loved it, though I can now tell you from experience that there is nothing manly about a sparkly chest. Sorry.

This concludes Part 1 of this story. Stay tuned for Part 2, wherein details of the onstage interview and the sexy-legs contest are revealed, along with the winner of the event. And I'll reveal how the crap this story intertwines at all with my original blog post. Stay tuned.
Total Comments 8


Kaiyu's Avatar
I'm really really hoping this isn't a true story *can't... un...read* >.<
Posted November 9th, 2010 at 01:07 AM by Kaiyu Kaiyu is offline
Xn F M's Avatar
You sir, are a tease.

~Looking forward to part II
Posted November 9th, 2010 at 02:41 AM by Xn F M Xn F M is offline
flameslayer93's Avatar
This is funny stuff!!
Posted November 9th, 2010 at 07:36 AM by flameslayer93 flameslayer93 is offline
Sylvano the Wasabus's Avatar
where are the pictures?
Posted November 9th, 2010 at 02:21 PM by Sylvano the Wasabus Sylvano the Wasabus is offline
BiggaBullfrog's Avatar
Pictures? Well, I don't have any very high quality ones, but maybe I'll mess around with some in gimp and include them in part 2....
Posted November 9th, 2010 at 05:33 PM by BiggaBullfrog BiggaBullfrog is offline
Shockma Ranyk's Avatar
Posted November 9th, 2010 at 06:13 PM by Shockma Ranyk Shockma Ranyk is offline
Siggurd The Frost Giant's Avatar
Liked the blog frog but cant wait for part 2!!
Posted March 17th, 2011 at 07:51 PM by Siggurd The Frost Giant Siggurd The Frost Giant is offline
MegaSilver's Avatar
Hey, it's already been done, you know? Look above the title for this blog for the link.
Posted March 17th, 2011 at 08:47 PM by MegaSilver MegaSilver is online now
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