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I invented Internet Forums!

Posted January 7th, 2010 at 12:36 PM by The B.I.V.
Yeah, seriously. I invented the first internet forum. It was back in 9th grade even before Al Gore had invented the internet! I was 14 and I used to doodle on my desk in my classes even though it was punishable by death. Hell, sometimes Iíd even use pen because I was a rebel like that. So I was in US history one day (or was it European history? Meh, historyís history) and I noticed that someone had actually added to my doodles! It was one of the coolest moments of my life! So, of course I doodled back. We actually started writing notes to each other on the desk. It was like Iíd discovered plutonium! Whatís more, it was a girl (which was a very big deal to a 14-year-old heterosexual male). I finally got to the point where I got her name and she asked me for mine! But I looked her up in the yearbook and she wasnít that cute and then the teacher took some Windex and a rag to our beautiful creation and it was all overÖjust like thatÖ

So I attended traffic school the other
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Rating: 6 votes, 5.00 average.

A funeral

Posted December 4th, 2009 at 05:41 PM by The B.I.V.
First off, Iím a father of 5. And I honestly donít enjoy it like, 90% of the time. For one thing, Iím not allowed to be a kid myself. Iím forced to be an adult and I really donít like adults much at all (which is probably why I spend so much time here, but I digress). The other thing that makes it less than enjoyable is that I canít just go and do whatever I want because my every action is scrutinized by the little ones and incorporated into their lives and, while I donít mind them emulating my awesome qualities, Iíd rather they not emulate my less-than-stellar ones.

At any rate, this kid in our neighborhood died this week. Jared is the same age as my oldest, Peter (7 Ĺ) so it definitely hits home. The two of them used to walk home from school together and were on the same soccer team. In fact, I coached the team last Fall. That was about the time Jared was diagnosed with a cancerous tumor at the base of his skull. Nearly a year later heís gone.

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Speeding, Swine Flu, and you.

Posted November 24th, 2009 at 12:01 PM by The B.I.V.
Well, my good buddy rym has inspired me to pick up the pen yet again!

A couple of weeks back I was driving behind some moron (not to be confused with Mormon) on the way to work. Apparently I was being a jerk although I was unaware of this until said moron slowed to, like, 25 mph to teach me a lesson (or something). So Iím all, ďwhatever,Ē and I get in the next lane to pass him.

Well, when I get ahead of him a little way and attempt to get back over into his lane, he pulls the speed-up-really-fast-so-I-canít-get-over-trick. I held my position until the last possible moment but finally got back in the other lane before we both died. He sped past me. At this point Iím really not all that mad. More like amused that this guy is so agitated at me that heís pulling all this crazy crap on me.

Well he finally takes an exit up ahead of me and as I pass him I see him shaking his fist and making some facial gesture at me out of the corner of my eye. As I passed...
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Board game spam

Posted July 4th, 2009 at 03:00 PM by The B.I.V.
I was browsing my local secondhand shop the other day ('cause I'm thrifty like that) and I came across a Spiderman 3 version of Operation. You know, Operation? The game where you hafta remove parts from a "patient" with a pair of tweezers and if you touch the sides it's all: "BZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!" Well in this version you get to operate on Spiderman and remove parts like "Webbed Feet" and "Crook in the Neck." Wow, I bet it took a genius to think that crap up! The thing that pisses me off is that it's the exact same game! It's the same deal with all the bazillion versions of Monopoly. WHO CARES?! If I wanna play Monopoly I'll play Monopoly, not Transformers Monopoly "cuz I saw tha movie and it wuz so 1337 kewl, dood!" The lame thing is that there are enough people that aren't me, that do buy this crap, "cuz they saw the movie and it wuz so 1337 kewl, dood" that game companies are obviously making money off of these stupid alternate...
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Rating: 2 votes, 3.00 average.

Window/Bumper stickers are lame.

Posted July 1st, 2009 at 04:19 PM by The B.I.V.
The other day I discovered yet another thing that annoys me. I was driving behind a stupid minivan that had those dumb stick figures of a Mom and a Dad and all their dumb kids. Now, I'm not against owning a minivan (I own one) or even having some kids (I have several), but really, I really could care less how many people are in your family or what sex they are! Damn those people for thinking I should care! There are even stupid variations, now that have palm trees and crap. Or you can get little dogs and cats and stuff. I hate your stupid pets even more than your stupid family members! Pets aren't people and they don't belong in your "family." Pets are animals. They are not self-aware (despite what Disney would have you believe). The idea that animals are sentient creatures with thoughts and feelings has done all sorts of bad to our society. And, no, I'm not advocating cruelty to animals, but vegetarianism, eco-terrorism and all sorts of other crap has sprung from this idea....
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