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I invented Internet Forums!

Posted January 7th, 2010 at 12:36 PM by The B.I.V.
Yeah, seriously. I invented the first internet forum. It was back in 9th grade even before Al Gore had invented the internet! I was 14 and I used to doodle on my desk in my classes even though it was punishable by death. Hell, sometimes I’d even use pen because I was a rebel like that. So I was in US history one day (or was it European history? Meh, history’s history) and I noticed that someone had actually added to my doodles! It was one of the coolest moments of my life! So, of course I doodled back. We actually started writing notes to each other on the desk. It was like I’d discovered plutonium! What’s more, it was a girl (which was a very big deal to a 14-year-old heterosexual male). I finally got to the point where I got her name and she asked me for mine! But I looked her up in the yearbook and she wasn’t that cute and then the teacher took some Windex and a rag to our beautiful creation and it was all over…just like that…

So I attended traffic school the other day…As chronicled in one of my other blogpostings, I managed to get two traffic tickets within the space of a two-week time span. The first one was for 5-over the speed limit, and cost me $90. I was damned if I was gonna pay an additional $25 processing fee and a $50 enrollment fee to take frigging traffic school! "Screw it," says I, "I’ll just take the points on my DL." But then the second ticket hit and the cop (after looking in his little computer, no doubt, and seeing that I’d received a citation mere days earlier on the same stretch of road) was in no mood to let me off easy. This ticket was for 23-over the speed limit and cost me $290! At that point I was afraid that my driver’s license would spontaneously combust, immediately trip an alarm at my insurance company who would send out a dwarf in a fire hat to put out the fire and (subsequently) tack on $100,000 or so on to my monthly insurance premium.

So I woefully coughed up the extra $75 to sit for an hour and listen to Officer Bob BS about BS. In fact, it was the same Officer Bob who was there the last time I took traffic school, like, over 10 years ago! Same BS, too. This guy’s a retired cop with gray hair and a handlebar moustache so he’s easily recognizable. I honestly wonder how much of that $75 he sees. Probably gets $10 an hour and the Mayor spends the other $65 on booze and hookers.

Anyway, my stupid classmates couldn’t just shut the hell up so we could get out earlier. No, every one had to tell Officer Bob their sob-story, about how they got a ticket even though they didn’t deserve it, as if he could somehow vindicate them. Then everyone had to go on about all their driving pet peeves! I was honestly surprised that we got out in under an hour!

This is exactly what I invented internet forums for! What those people need is an internet forum, like this one! Then they could make a post, like this one, and write down all their stupid opinions and gripes there, and then they wouldn’t have to waste other people’s time, like mine, in traffic school. Then I would have gotten out of there, like, 30-minutes earlier… ‘course Officer Bob probably could have (and would have) taken up the time himself with worthless stories about his cop glory days…plus half of those morons in my class probably can’t write anyway, let alone type on a keyboard…..

Total Comments 2


NecroBlade's Avatar
So what you're saying is my safe driving saves me roughly $100,455 a year? Good to know.
Posted January 8th, 2010 at 12:32 AM by NecroBlade NecroBlade is offline
chas's Avatar
No, you invented the Interdesk Forum.
Posted January 8th, 2010 at 07:38 AM by chas chas is offline
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