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Break In

Posted March 23rd, 2018 at 12:46 PM by Sylvano the Wasabus
It seems these three things set the stage for the robbery:

1) I had just baked banana muffins

2) I had been gluing figures and left them to dry on the dryer in the laundry room beside the window

3) It looked like no one was home even in the middle of the day

Now letís examine these issues one at a time.

I used to bake a lot and am known for my baking skills. (yes, itís a skill set; if you donít believe it, thatís because youíve never tasted anything that was made by a real baker)

When my kids were smaller I baked twice a week: cookies, cakes, muffins. But then Iíd leave to go to work and when I came back half to three-quarters of the baked goods would be missing. Iíd question the kids and they promised that none of them had eaten anything. So it was obvious that someone was breaking in and taking the cookies. Shocking, but it must be true because my children wouldnít lie.

I donít bake as much anymore. For some reason i was moved to bake on the fateful day, a double batch of banana vanilla muffins with Demerara sugar, and no doubt the burglar or burglars who used to raid my house found out. I wonder if they have hidden cameras in my kitchen?

Figures on Display
Well they werenít exactly on display. Most of them were in strange positions, propped up with little pieces of wood while the glue dried. I usually work on the dryer because thereís space and I can open the big window beside to help disperse the nasty glue fumes. There were three kinds of figures out that day: repair jobs, mods, and new assemblies.

Youíre all familiar with the repair jobs. Some are actual Heroscape figures (someone stepped on an izumi, Iím replacing the broken Ashigaru yari spears, etc). Would someone break in to steal classic Scape figures? Itís certainly expensive enough on Ebay. Answer: yes.

I like to do Mod jobs because itís fun and I get a rush from making new things: taking someoneís axe away and giving them a sword, taking human heads off and putting on growling gnoll heads, cutting off bases and snapping legs and making foot soldiers into cavalry. Would someone break in to steal some really cool modded figures? If Iíd been walking by and had glanced in, Iíd struggle to restrain myself. Answer: Yes

I also make new figures from kits. Aside from the standard things like warhammer and Warlord games Iíve been enjoying assembling Wrath of Kings, which are very nice. Would someone break in, maybe not to steal, but just to look at amazing new figures? Even by accident? Answer: yes

Looked like no one was home

Itís true we are private people and donít throw our curtains open. Actually, we donít have curtains. We have wooden shutters. Theyíre in five parts, so you can open just the top, or just one side. There are little cat doors at the bottom that the cats open and close when theyíre gazing outside. I donít know why the cats are so consistent about closing them. I guess they like theyíre privacy too.

I was gone, so the car wasnít in the driveway. Thereís a five foot privacy fence around the yard as well.

So, shutters closed, no car, privacy fence. An invitation to burglars?

What went down

An unnamed person (description: male, medium height, thin build, white skin, dirty blond hair, blue winter coat, red hat with Canadian flag on it) came into my backyard through the gate.

Using some kind of tool or weapon they began battering the back door. Itís an old door- everything about my house is old. But I had three locks on it: one up high, the one on the doorknob and a chain at the bottom. This person had broken into houses before. You can see the marks where he hit around the doorknob. Three blows, thatís all, and the door knob gave way. But the other locks held.

I live in a poorer neighbourhood. Iíd always assumed that poor people went to richer neighbourhoods to burglar. Who breaks into a poor personís house? Iím afraid it has to do with drugs. People need money for their drugs and they donít care where they get it.

The perpetrator was frustrated. He went to the window by the dryer. He could see all those beautiful figures. He could probably smell the banana muffins too. He ripped the screen off the window and was trying to get it open when my son poked his head into the laundry room. My two eldest sons were home. Theyíre both large men now. Theyíd heard noises but had dismissed them, thinking that our cats were up to something.

The burglar stopped, frozen, eye contact with my son, guilt all over the burglarís face. He ran. Good thing for him. Stay out of my house. Did I mention that my son had a rolling pin with him?

I spent the evening rigging extra security measures into the windows and doors: wooden posts, in some cases screwed in, bars, props. I knew it was important for our heads- itís hard to sleep when you think someone might break in. Itís now much harder to get in. I no longer leave figures on the dryer.
If youíre reading this, burglar, please get some help before trying to break into peopleís houses. It hurts people. You donít want to do that, do you? What if you get hurt? My sons would have squashed you and used you as a boot tray.

We have no riches. No gold. No TV. No alcohol drugs or cigarettes. Our treasure is the games we play together, the smiles, the laughs, the groans at those fickle dice. You canít steal that, you know. You have to build it.

If you love Scape just knock and weíll let you in to play a game or two. Weíll even serve you some muffins or cookies, if you let us know in advance that youíre coming.
Total Comments 2


Tornado's Avatar
Glad your family is safe and your sense of humor and good nature are still intact!
Posted March 25th, 2018 at 11:00 AM by Tornado Tornado is offline
kolakoski's Avatar


Well met!

Read (re-read?) Under Siege in Random Blogs and realized I haven't seen any posts from Sylvano for a while. Hope he and his family are doing well.

Happy New Year!
Posted January 3rd, 2019 at 09:49 AM by kolakoski kolakoski is offline
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