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Kindergarten registration

Posted March 2nd, 2011 at 04:16 PM by Sylvano the Wasabus
It has come- the time for my last baby to go to school.

When I say baby I mean my precocious four year old, who loves monsters, dragons, Marr and Soulbergs; my energetic four year old who is smarter than most adults (meaning he doesn’t yet censor what he says); my silly four year old who thinks that wearing diapers (which he still does on occasion) makes him run faster.

Last night was Kindergarten registration. It was an open house drop in kind of thing- show up, fill out forms and then play with toys, meet the teachers, see the rooms and do crafts and eat snacks.

My four year old did not want to go. He wanted to stay home. Even though we’ve been taking about it for months, he denied he’d ever heard of this “school” idea.

ME. It’s time to go to the school now.
HIM. What you said?
ME. It’s time to go to the school. Remember, we talked about it this morning.
HIM. What school?
ME. The school you’re going to go to in the Fall.
HIM. I’m not going to school.
ME. Yes, remember, it will be fun.
HIM. No.
ME. Yes, remember, they have toys and your friend William will be in your class too.
HIM. William’s not going to school.
ME. Yes he is.
HIM. I don’t want to go.
ME. They have interesting toys.
HIM. I have toys here. See (holds up a dinosaur). This is very interesting dinosaur.

It had been a long day. I’ve been having serial furnace problems and with two other kids down sick with the flu I had little patience/energy/creative-problem-solving tactics. In the end he put this dinosaur hat on and I promised him that it was going to scare everyone. So he wanted to go, - so that he could create havoc.

But something unexpected happened. I was so tired.... I got silly. It happens to me. I begin to find humour in unexpected situations and I also misbehave. (meaning I forget to censor myself).

When we got to the school, we climbed over a snow bank in the parking lot for fun. I should have seen this was not a good sign. This registration was quickly becoming an adventure.

There were many parents with little ones in the school already. First I was shocked at how young they all were- the parents- not the kids. But that’s right; most parents have children when they are in their 20s, or early 30s. Not forties, like me. Also these fresh faced parents (so young they could have been my children!) were all dressed up. I was wearing what I had been wearing the day before, which I had also slept in, because the furnace was dead and it was soooo cold.

The paperwork was boring and I buzzed through it quick as a deathreaver. Then came the play time.

1) Lego and duplo bricks. We built towers almost to the ceiling with duplo. To the other parents chagrin we involved every child and they climbed on me and told me their names and one girl told me her mother had thrown up before coming. The parents watched in horror. Who was this strange man playing with my child?

The little girls, all decked in dresses and sooo many with painted nails sat down and reached for the trucks. Why do they have to paint little girls’ nails?

One of my special powers is that I can take two duplo bricks and hold them in my eye sockets like monocles. Last night I picked yellow bricks. It makes me look like I have two creepy bright yellow fly eyes. In really freaks kids out. But do you know the parents were so busy filling out papers that they didn’t even notice? When the children began to get scared the parents grabbed them and scolded them.

There was one terrifying looking little girl- very small and thin with enormous eyes and almost no hair, and a big scratch on her face. She looked abused. Her parents were well dressed and scolded her constantly, even though she did nothing. When another child came close to her, the little girl would bare her teeth.

2) the big paper Mural

The hallway was set up like a trail with all these “activity stations”. The first one was a great big piece of paper- you know the kind- big as a wall- and there were crayons all over the floor. BUT there was a teacher standing there and the whole area was surrounded by orange traffic cones. There wasn’t a single child there. My son liked construction toys a couple years ago when he did his Bob the Builder phase. He knows that those orange cones mean danger. He wouldn’t go near them.

3) Playdoh

Two teachers sat behind a table covered with playdoh and clay modeling tools. There were no children there. As we passed they asked my son if he wanted to try it. He looked at them and said “Yuk!” (but we have a ton of the stuff at home- it was just the presentation that repulsed him)

4) face painting

A group of students- probably grade eights tried to get my son to submit to a face paint. He didn’t even slow down.

Meeting the teachers

We found the two of them in a room and they came and introduced themselves. My son ignored them because he had found a box with a plastic dragon in it. The one teacher seemed very nice. She didn’t say anything at all- because the other teacher was a freak! She was young and severe and blonde and she couldn’t stop talking. Everything she said was a list of some kind involving numbers in the teens....

HER. This class room usually has 12 students. But this year it has 14. That’s because the other class is capped at 18 and this hold the overflow of up to 18. The year before this class had 12 and the other class had 16. The other class will usually have 14 and this one will have 12.

ME. You are a soulberg!

Meanwhile my four year old monster had found the snacks. He found himself a little plate and filled it with about seventy crackers and announced he was ready to go. I guess it was all about finding treasure after all.

Another teacher arrived and introduced herself. She was talented- she kept that pleasant smile pasted on her face but she couldn’t stop the waves of disapproval that rolled out of the rest of her.

My general observations:
The other children are meek and childish. My son is neither. All my children have faced this problem in school- we are just not normal people.
The other parents are uptight. I chalked that up to youth and inexperience. I’m on kid number four- there’s really no use getting upset about anything. It only makes things worse. But that doesn’t make them feel any less threatened.
The teachers I’m sure tried to remember us- forewarned is forearmed, right?

We took our haul of crackers and then ran up and down the hallways laughing and playing. Being alive and silly- unlike everyone else.

I don’t like schools but it’s kind of a necessary evil. My other children have learned to live through it- while guarding their unique and true selves- protecting themselves. Possibly it’s most important thing they’ll learn....
Total Comments 8

Comments

Old
quozl's Avatar
You should homeschool.
Posted March 2nd, 2011 at 05:29 PM by quozl quozl is offline
Old
MegaSilver's Avatar
Did you son pick up Grimnak by any chance?

Anyway, it seems you had another interesting day. I wonder how well he'll behave in school?
Posted March 2nd, 2011 at 05:42 PM by MegaSilver MegaSilver is offline
Old
elitebeatk's Avatar
I was like your son, and let me tell you: prepare for a wild ride.
Posted March 2nd, 2011 at 06:24 PM by elitebeatk elitebeatk is offline
Old
flameslayer93's Avatar
Monsters!!

Woohoo!!
I'm sure he is going to be "fun"
Posted March 2nd, 2011 at 07:05 PM by flameslayer93 flameslayer93 is offline
Old
BassistofDoom's Avatar
Did you really call the teacher a soulberg?
Posted March 2nd, 2011 at 08:57 PM by BassistofDoom BassistofDoom is offline
Old
Chardar's Avatar
I always wondered why they paint the little girls nails. If they're older and want to then that's one thing, but let them decide.
Posted March 2nd, 2011 at 09:51 PM by Chardar Chardar is offline
Old
chas's Avatar
Hey, I've been to 20 countries but never went to kindergarten (yet another life trauma--it's mentioned in a draft blog I haven't published yet). Hope you eventually meet someone your own age to play with there! My retired bachelor apartment is sort of like kindergarten for adults...
Posted March 3rd, 2011 at 07:33 AM by chas chas is offline
Old
You gotta love little boys at open houses. They rampage to what they like and play with anyone and everyone that's willing. It sounds like your son had a good time too!

I also had to register my youngest last week (he'll be four soon) but we had to set up an appointment and they've stopped doing open houses for them at his school. Which I had a blast at when I registered my oldest. I wish you son all the best as he start his schooling career.
Posted March 3rd, 2011 at 03:21 PM by AMIS AMIS is offline
 
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