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This one really happened... Part Dos

Posted November 13th, 2010 at 10:53 PM by BiggaBullfrog
Part 2 of a very true story. Part 1 found here.

Previously on This one really happened... : I had just finished my modeling portion of the Mr. UBIC competition. The tension was high. Who would win the $500 prize? Who would rise to the top? And who would turn traitor and allow a homicidal maniac into the auditorium? Oh, wait, I'm telling the truth. Fine, we'll forget the homicidal maniac part.

Anyway, the next part of the competition was the onstage interview. First we were supposed to tell a joke. I don't remember what my joke was, so you can think of your own and laugh at it. I'll give you some time for that.... Ha. I love that joke. It gets me every time.

Next was my question I was supposed to answer. There were some pretty random ones, but my question ended up being: "Who will be the next celebrity to receive a DUI?" Now that's a ridiculously easy question, and I quickly gave my response, Justbin Quieber*. Seriously, have you seen that chick? She looks like she's always under the influence.

*Name spelled wrong intentionally. I don't want someone searching that name and coming up with this blog; I have to keep some integrity.

Well, the interview passed pretty quickly, and I was off to get ready for the sexy legs contest. This contest was audience judged-they cheered for which legs they liked. Now I'll be honest, I don't have sexy legs. They're kinda white. And hairy. So I decided I'd go for humor over sexy, get some laughs, and have done with it.

So this is what I did with my legs: First off, a skirt, stolen from my sister. This I could use to swirl and twirl around my legs. Second, heels, also stolen from the sister. Unfortunately, I could only stick my big toe into the shoes, so walking was a pain, but they looked nice. Thirdly, fishnets. Don't ask where they came from, but the reason for them is: Fourthly, a cardboard cutout of a fish, stuck into said fishnets. I know, puns suck, but I did it anyway. Fifth (and sixth, seventh, and eighth), garters. Four of them on the same leg. If you're still reading this, you have amazing courage.

We lined up randomly behind the curtain, which was raised enough to reveal our legs, but not our identities. It was pretty easy to tell who was going on to the next round-audience cheers went from a few scattered shouts to an anthem of cheers. Naturally, I was shocked when my number was announced as one of the three contestants to go on.

Round 2. I had a chance. I'd been talking with friends about it beforehand, and they told me I had no chance, but here I was. Right there, I decided I wasn't going down without a fight. When it was my turn to appeal to the audience, I lunged my legs and twirled my skirt and wiggled my fish like non other, and for what? The lousy announcement that I'd have to do it again-they got rid of one of the other guys and had it down to the last two.

I was running out of ideas, and knew I needed something good to secure victory. I had pimped out legs, while my competitor had real ones-he was getting cheers because his legs actually looked good. So, I did the only thing I could do-I threw a garter into the crowd. That was my Hail Mary. It was either make it or break right there.

Actually, it was neither. They called a re-vote. Man this competition was taking a while. And my Hail Mary was gone. I couldn't do it again. I mean, I had three more garters, but throwing another one is just unoriginal. I thought about pulling out my fish, but that would be more trouble than it was worth. So instead, I just lunged, twirled, and wiggled until I could no more. The audience cheered for me, they cheered for my competitor. It was way close, and while the judges were agreeing on the winner, the audience started chanting: "Number 8! Number 8!" After a couple seconds I realized that was me. Then another chant grew: "Number 9! Number 9!" And I thought, "Crap, this guy has a song named after him. I'm screwed." Then the judges announced the winner: Number 8.

That's right. It's Mr. Sexy Legs to you.

I couldn't believe it. In fact, people had to tell me what to do next, as I hadn't thought about winning. I went under the curtain and smiled to the crowd, I couldn't think of anything better to do. Then a judge gave me the check, and another gave me the garter--turns out it only made it to the edge of the stage. Bummer.

Well, not much after that. Next big thing was the winner of the Mr. UBIC pageant. I've dragged out the rest of this enough so I'll just tell you straight out, I wasn't close. In fact, remember how I said back in Part 1 that this was supposed to be making fun of the Miss Pageants? Well, turns out this year they wanted something more serious and relevant to this year's theme: "I wanna be a country star" (which I don't. No offense, but I don't). Weird because it wasn't that way last year, or so I'm told, but I don't care. I was Mr. Sexy Legs and they couldn't take that from me.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Mr. Sexy Legs gets all the sexy girls afterward, right? Well, that's an unproven theory. Being the teenage boy I am, I naturally wanted to go greet all those who cheered me on to sexy-dom. But, as luck would have it, my family wanted to leave quickly, and I had to drive my brother and a couple of my sisters home. To put it in 'Scape terms, I rolled a Deathwalker roll.

And now for the big reveal, how the crap this ties into my first blog post. Well, it occurred to me while writing said blog post that, had I thought about it, I could easily have used the sexy leg winnings to become a lifetime site supporter and have 5 bucks left over to blow on candy or whatever suited my fancy. But instead I put it in a savings account. Pfft, savings. Who does that?
(Picture won't show up-something's wrong here...)

The End.
Total Comments 7


Kaiser Cat's Avatar
...Okay then.
Posted November 13th, 2010 at 10:58 PM by Kaiser Cat Kaiser Cat is offline
Shockma Ranyk's Avatar

Where's a pic of the legs?
Posted November 13th, 2010 at 11:04 PM by Shockma Ranyk Shockma Ranyk is offline
Lord Pyre's Avatar
Oh, gosh.
Posted November 14th, 2010 at 01:18 AM by Lord Pyre Lord Pyre is online now
littlekame118's Avatar
Lol... frigen lol!!
Posted November 14th, 2010 at 10:51 AM by littlekame118 littlekame118 is offline
Xn F M's Avatar
To the title advocacy thread!
Posted November 14th, 2010 at 03:45 PM by Xn F M Xn F M is offline
Sylvano the Wasabus's Avatar
Great Story! And a great lesson for all of us with boring legs- it's not what you got, but what you do with it...
Posted November 16th, 2010 at 11:04 AM by Sylvano the Wasabus Sylvano the Wasabus is offline
Siggurd The Frost Giant's Avatar
I didn't really understand.
Posted March 17th, 2011 at 06:56 PM by Siggurd The Frost Giant Siggurd The Frost Giant is offline
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