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What Brings You Here Dear Visitor - Part II

Posted October 17th, 2007 at 09:44 PM by mrbistro
The internet is a fantastic place in the sense that a person can find anything. The downside? A person can find anything. There are things that if viewed might permanently sear themselves into an unwary viewer’s brain, thus causing permanent and severe emotional damage (and I’m not just talking about Miss South Carolina’s knowledge of world geography). Below are search words and phrases that some poor fool unwittingly typed into a search engine, hopefully oblivious to the danger they were putting themselves in. Fortunately, their search brought them to us and not another more unseemly site.

violent reports on octopi

It is my most fervent hope that this individual was looking for news stories and nothing else.

empathetic vomiter
Er, yeah. This is an awfully specific thing to look for. I suppose it’s nice to know that while someone’s bazooka-barfing, they’re still able to appreciate the feelings and situations of others.
awesome pictures
There is perhaps nothing more dangerous than feeding a search engine with the subjective word ‘awesome’ followed by ‘pictures’.
Thank God they misspelled this.
permanently pregnant
Okay, health lesson folks. You can’t be permanently pregnant. Typical scenario, it’s going to last you about nine months. So please. Stop trying.
gay heroscape
Surprisingly not much different from Scandinavian Heroscape.
heroscape girlfriend
Aw, sorry kid, but you can’t find her on eBay. This may require actual social interaction on your part.
Good to know we’re still bringing in the crack heads (you probably shouldn’t tell them how much your Sir Hawthorne is worth).
If you searched the internet for boobiescape, I have bad news. You will never know the touch of a woman aside from those times you trick the clerk at the grocery store into touching your hand when you hand her cash.
wisinger nipple rings
Depraved animal!
what does hemorrhaging mean?
Okay people, it’s time for another health lesson. If you’re hemorrhaging whether internally or from a wound or orifice – go to the emergency room. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. If you do not know what hemorrhaging means, but a passerby informs you that you are in the process of hemorrhaging, trust them and do not stop to educate yourself on the topic. Your first clue it was important was when their eyes bugged out and they screamed, “Holy ******* ****, dude you’re ******* hemorrhaging all over the ******* place! Dude fix that ****!” I know you get upset when people yell, but trust me, they’re trying to help you out.
you bring my apple
And you bring mine baby.
Those ogres have all the fun.
things you shouldn’t do on the internet
First hint? Don’t search for that.
mummifying a body
I’ll turn off the lights and everybody hide until this guy goes away. I am so scared right now.
beastial rampage
Aaaaand this is where I get off the bus.

Next time: the stupidest of the stupid.
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