Labrynth

[Taelord]

Alright, this isn'y heroScape related, but it is a novel I am working on based on a game I play at a different site. I want to get feedback so here's the intro. Tell me what you think:


Introduction

In acient times there were five spirits who ruled over the world. Each in control of a different element. But they were constantly waring, which destroyed much of the earth. Earth smothering fire, water destroying parts of the earth with floods, and time, drying up the riverbeds. It was a time of chaos. So a groupd of six sages worked together to imprison the spirits inside pyrimad shaped relics. This way they could continue to rule the earth, but not war and destroy each other. Once imprisoned, the spirits were placed inside Labrynths of immense size and complexity, for whoever holds all of the Pyrimads, controls the world. As such the Labrynths were filled with many obstacles. Traps, monsters, puzzles and above all, the Archaiea. Humanoid creatures with no mass, only whispy form, who mimicked the element of the Labrynth they guarded. They served the master of the Labrynth, doing his bidding and destroying any foe who atempted to learn the Labrynth's secrets. The Archaiea will also answer to whoever holds the pyrimad. The sages went to great lengths to keep the knowelge of the pyrimads a secret, but try as they might, foolhardy travellers do sometimes pass by and enter the labrynth, soon meeting thier demise. It is shuch a story that I am telling you. The story of eight heroes who were brought to the labrynth to perish, but outwitted the forces of the labrynth. But in their midst was a traitor, who along the way decided they wanted the power of the labrynth. They killed the sage and took the Pyrimad, becoming very strong with the powers of fire. They almost escaped with the Pyrimad, but the combined forces of the other heroes stopped the traitor. The only problem was the Labrynth was destroyed and the pyrimad lost in the earth. Now I shall tell you of the story of the Labrynth.

[K/H_Addict]

very well written, taelord.

For those interested, this is based off of an RPG a friend of mine is running. If you want to see the actual game, part 1 can be seen here:

http://studentsunite.s4.bizhat.com/v...=studentsunite

part 2 is currently in progress here:

http://studentsunite.s4.bizhat.com/v...=studentsunite

[Taelord]

Thanks K/H.

[deadeyedan42]

VERY nice tae! I rank it as



You need to proofread! that can be a BIG set back for your story, no one likes to read giberish.

[Taelord]

Originally Posted by deadeyedan42

VERY nice tae! I rank it as



You need to proofread! that can be a BIG set back for your story, no one likes to read giberish.

Thanks for the comment DED. Yeah this is just a rough draft do there wil be much revising and changing. But I will take that to mnd to roofread.

[LordCharos]

for anyone who is interested therpg has been moved to this site

http://studentsunited.forum5.com