my first custom!!!!

[Punisheris]

here is my army card of my first custom i want to listen to you opinion so i can become better

[Anthasu1]

Pretty Nice... But very expensive. I'd tone it down to 140, maybe even lower. Also, AATT should be replaced with Attack. And from a purely Cosmetic point of view the Font seems sorta odd and offcenter. Other than that very nice for your first custom.

EDIT: And I would work on Capitalization and punctuation. Some Members of the site can go overboard with the Proper Grammar thing, so just a quick heads up.

[Claws of Death]

Pretty sweet custom, but yeah, he's a bit too expensive.... amy 145-150 at the most.

i'm impressed, though- far better than my first customs.

[SirGalahad]

Originally Posted by Punisheris

here is my army card of my first custom i want to listen to you opinion so i can become better

First of all, welcome to the site, and this is a great first attempt at a custom figure.

The suggestions below are not judgmental -- please do not take them to be anything but helpful.

First the language suggestions (and I see you are in Greece).

TEARING APART
If Berserker inflicts at least 3 wounds on a small or medium figure with a single normal attack, roll the 20-sided die. If you roll a 10 or higher, destroy the figure.

SLICE SPECIAL ATTACK
Range 1. Attack 3.
If Berserker inflicts a wound with Slice Special Attack, roll the 20-sided die. If you roll a 14 or higher, Berserker may use Slice Special Attack one additional time.

FURY OF THE ORCS
If there are 3 wound markers on this Army Card, roll 1 additional attack and defense die.

Most cards refer to its figure in the third person -- "If Berserker . . . " instead of "If this figure . . ."

Use "inflicts" instead of "manages to inflict".


Next the mechanics suggestions:

Restrictions on special powers based on the opposing figure's size generally refer to "small or medium" figures. If he can TEAR APART a medium figure, why wouldn't he be able to do the same to a small one?

If he inflicts 3 wounds, he has a better than 50% chance of inflicting wounds 4 through however many it takes to destroy the opponent's figure. That's powerful stuff.

If you want to keep this power (which I would call "REND" -- make people look things up ), I would suggest upping the 20-sided die roll to maybe 16 or even higher).

Having two 20-sided die powers on the same card isn't "wrong" necessarily, but is usually avoided.

SLICE SPECIAL ATTACK could do without the 20-sided die roll altogether and still be OK.

It looks like you have created a figure that can destroy a hero in one shot, or carve up two squad figures per turn.

As far as points, you should playtest the figure to get a feel for where his point cost should be. There are playtesting guidelines included in the Custom Compendium listed below.


Finally the aesthetics suggestions:

One of the site's greatest customs contributors, GreyOwl, just put out a Custom Compendium. It's on the front page (or just click the link). He has fonts and spacings listed so you can make sure all of the text ends up looking as official as possible.

The left box stats do not need to be bolded, but do need to be the same font size, with the exception of "MEDIUM 5"

The special powers usually start higher on the card, and the text is spaced in such a way to avoid the figure image area.

The Life number should be larger than the Move, Range, etc numbers. and should be centered over the word "LIFE".

The Move, Range, etc. numbers should not be bolded, but should be moved down so they do not extend above their respective boxes.

The Points number should not be bolded, but should be moved down and centered over "POINTS".

You could probably enlarge the size of the mini picture a little, and add the fog effect to the figure area.

Probably the best way to do see how you've done is to take your card and compare it side-by-side to official cards and see how closely you've made yours look to theirs.


Again, great first stab at it and enjoy your time with us.

SirG

[Punisheris]

thanks for all the tips i will correct the card and post it again

[Punisheris]

here i have corrected it

[Punisheris]

here is another 1 hope you like it

[Claws of Death]

Looks good, but I think you meant to say this:

If you use this power, you may move orc captain double his movement this turn. however, if you engage an opponent while using "charge!!!!", you must end your movement and immediately attack the opposing figure.

Sound good?

[Punisheris]

yes thanks

[Punisheris]

i have corrected it

[Kutless]

They look good,and I especially like the Orc Captain.

[SirGalahad]

Originally Posted by Punisheris

here i have corrected it

The second power needs to be titled as SLICE SPECIAL ATTACK, with the Range and Attack values as before.