Metroid Prime Creativity

[GeckoLover]

Hi, i'm thinking of making a story with characters from the Metroid Prime Trilogy, so I need feedback, I will post a few chapters here at first, just to see how they look. By the way, my story switches the alliegance of sveral races. Enjoy.

[GeckoLover]

[color=darkred] Prologue Part One: How it All Began[/color]

In the space of the Galactic Federation, there had always been many different races,the most deadly of which were the Space Pirates, the Federations arch enemies. However, on the planet Dark Aether, a new race was formed. The deadly Parasitic Ing Horde, an army of viscous warriors, was born secretly. The bounty hunter, Samus Aran, along with the help of the Luminoth U-Mos of Aether, managed to silence this horde. When their Planet collapsed, the Ing were thought dead, but their Emperor had a last resort. Using the last energy reserves of the planet, he warped all remaining species off of it, and into a random location of space. After many years in exile, the Ing located the planet of Phaaze, a sentient planet which was the source of Phazon, the material that had created their planet. It was aparently unhinhabited but for one being, the mysterious mimic, Dark Samus. Little is known about Dark Samus, except that she is bent on killing the real Samus. Many theories exist, the most Prominent of which is that Dark Samus is Metroid Prime, a being Samus had encountered and defeated before finding the Ing Horde. Metroid Prime was directly related to the absorbtion and production of Phazon. Now, when the Ing found Dark Samus, they saw in her a kindred spirit, they both wanted the same thing, death to Samus and the Federation. Dark Samus had the power to do that, and the Ing had the numbers. After a time they began to form their own army, until finally they had mustered the might neccesary to take on the Federation. However, they did not have ships, weapons, or technology of any kind. But Dark Samus knew where they could get such supplies, and what could lead them to more, the Space Pirate ship, Colossus, was nearing Phaaze's orbit. So they prepared an assault...
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Prologue Part Two: The Assault on Colossus

"Sarcsh, if you don't get those warp engines back online within five minutes, i'm throwing you off the ship!!!" The Pirate Commander's voice blasted through the empty halls of the Colossus. "Sorry sir, but somethings jamming it up, it looks like some sort of black ooze... could be oil after it's been exposed to some chemical." The Commander sighed, "Okay Sarcsh, i'll give you six minutes, I need to see how the rest of the crew is holding up, I don't know this area of space, and the fact that our engines ceased as soon as we saw something on the radar... No coincidence, I think." The Commander walked back along a hallway, leading to the bridge. He knocked on the door. No answer. He opened it with the password. And saw a terrible sight. The whole crew was dead, there was a whole in the cockpit shield, but the blast doors had long closed. Most of the crew was slumped dead on the ground, terrible punture wounds in their chest, but far worse, some pilots were just sitting in their chairs, like normal. They could have been alive, except for the fact that they were not moving. Some seemed to have been clawing at themselves, trying to attack something within them. Others had stabbed themselves with their own weapons, or stabbed others. The Commander held his Personal comm Systemup to his mouth. "All Units in frontal Battleship Colossus please respond." Static. The Comander put down the comm system and turned back the way he had come, as he walked past a window, he saw something dart across it. He broke into a run, he arrived back at the engine room. Sarcsh was there. "Sarcsh have you got the engines up and running?" Sarcsh nodded. "What's wrong sir?" "They're dead. The whole crew. It's just us. Sarcsh had always been good at taking losses. When they arrived at the Bridge to start the engines, something wasn't right, the door was already open. The commander was sure he had closed it. They walked in cautiously. The bodies weren't on the ground anymore. They were standing, weapons held high. "You're alive? But you were all dead!" The Commander was shocked. Then one of the troopers shot at him. he jumped to the side so did Sarcsh. When he got up, he saw all the Troopers jerking towards them irregularly. They weren't alive. Something was just using them. He ran towards the exit, grabbing a bewildered Sarcsh and headed for a waste disposal station. They had to get off the ship, if it meant a possible death, it was still better than staying. They walked into a waste disposal area. "Sarcsh, put on your air shield, we're going into space. With that, he pressed the eject button.

[Metaknight]

Whoa! Sounds awesome! Brilliant idea! Pretty good story so far too.