davidlhsl's Battles

[tcglkn]

Aww, I hate seeing Shang-Chi go down like that. He's such a fun Fighter hero.

[davidlhsl]

Originally Posted by tcglkn

Aww, I hate seeing Shang-Chi go down like that. He's such a fun Fighter hero.

Yeah, but he certainly didn't go down without a fight. Jocasta shut down the 3attack option and was blocking like crazy. Fun battle.

[davidlhsl]

David: “Sports Fans, I’m David and this is Mike. I’m afraid we have some tragic news to report. My co-anchor and friend, Bob, was tragically killed when a bowling ball fell on his head.”

Mike: “Bob was the reason I got into sports casting, David. He was my idol and my mentor. This news is a blow to all of us here at the Burt’s Beer Battle Thread, and he will be sorely missed.”

David: “Our condolences go out to his wife and young son.”

Mike: “It is also with heavy heart that I must report that Pam was killed over the weekend while camping. A squirrel ran into her tent while she was sleeping, ripped her to shreds, and ran away with her nuts. Pam was an accomplished survival expert. Alas, she wasn’t able to survive this assault. Hey, David. Check out Monitor 3.”

David: “How long do you think they’ve been standing behind us?”

Mike: “Long enough to hear us, David. Think they will kill us?”

David: “I’m pretty sure they will, unless you think we can outrun them.”

Mike: “Running away isn’t a good idea. That only makes them angry.”

David: “Well, crap. Nice knowing you, Mike.”

Mike: “Same here.”

Off-Camera announcer: “This City Battle is brought to you by the good folks at Burt’s Beer. Burt’s Beer: We heard that!”

Team Daredevil vs. Team Flash

Spoiler Alert!

Pam: “Bob, we’ve got a new city layout. There are larger buildings, and most are 1-story.

Bob: “To make this more interesting, we’ve also identified two as apartments, two as warehouses, one as an insurance company tower, and the other as a bank.”

Pam: “I loved that last battle, so let’s see how Daredevil and Flash perform.”

Round 1
Pam: “Daredevil carries Atom along with him, and they head down the main street.”

Bob: “Iceman Ice Slides to the top of one of the parked cars.”

Pam: “If they continue advancing down the main street, it will be like a Wild West gunfight. Elektra joins her team.”

Bob: “Iceman Ice Slides to the roof of the north apartments. We’re using Grishnak’s buildings as a guide on building height, which is 6 per level.”

Pam: “He has some fantastic terrain. Daredevil carries Atom with him and sprints into the alley between the two apartments.”

Bob: “Flash will certainly ignore the posted speed limits as he zips up the fire escape and joins Iceman on the roof of the north apartment.”

Round 2
Pam: “Elektra advances towards Daredevil and Atom and checks the nearby bystander. It’s the VIP!!! Team Daredevil wins and will advance!”

Bob: “Wow! Folks, that’s 1 out of 19. Good job, Elektra. Hey, Pam. Let’s go ahead and continue the battle, just for fun.”

Pam: “Sounds like a plan!”

Bob: “Ok, Iceman moves to the edge of the apartment roof. Daredevil and Atom are in the blind spot, but he can see Elektra. He fires his Deep Freeze down at her in the shadows and inflicts a wound (4 left). Iceman misses the d20 roll, so Elektra doesn’t lose an Order Marker.”

Pam: “Daredevil takes Atom to the roof of the roof of the apartment and fires at Iceman and inflicts a wound (3 left).”

Bob: “Flash strikes Atom. Atom whiffs the roll, and Flash squashes him flat. KO!”

Pam: “Daredevil engages Flash and strikes to no effect. Flash is just too fast!”

Bob: “Flash pounds Daredevil with his normal attack. Daredevil’s Radar Sense simply renders Flash’s Fist Fusillade too risky to attempt. Good call, because Daredevil’s Radar Sense does succeed in avoiding damage. Daredevil pulls back next to Iceman.”

Round 3
Pam: “Elektra climbs the fire escape to the top of the south apartment and fires across at Iceman, who takes a wound (2 left). She misses her Assassin’s Mark roll.”

Bob: “Iceman tries to put Daredevil in the Deep Freeze. 5 skulls, but Daredevil avoids the attack with his Radar Sense!”

Pam: “Daredevil strikes back and takes down Iceman with 3 wounds!”

Bob: “Flash runs to the edge of the roof and attempts to jump across, but can’t make it! He pulls back next to Daredevil.”

Pam: “Daredevil takes a swing at Flash, and the blow lands for 3 wounds (1 left).”

Bob: “Flash successfully leaps across the roof this time and lands next to Elektra for a Fist Fusillade. Four attacks of three score a total of 1 wound (3 left).”

Pam: “Bob, since we’ve got a great battle on the rooftops, let’s just advance to the next round without moving the bystanders.”

Round 4
Bob: “Flash pivots around Elektra to put her between him and Daredevil. He continues to pound her into submission with his Fists and finally takes her down!”

Pam: “Elektra loses a turn.”

Bob: “Flash easily leaps across to strike at Daredevil and finally succeeds in landing 3 wounds (1 left). Both Daredevil and Flash are down to their last life!”

Pam: “Bad Order Marker management, Bob. Elektra loses a turn!”

Bob: “Flash takes another swing, but Radar Sense avoids damage.”

Pam: “Daredevil strikes back, and it’s 5 perfect skulls. Flash laughs and rolls 3 blanks. That’s just rubbing it in, as Flash only needs one to avoid damage.”

Bob: “We have ourselves another nail biter, Pam, even though Team Daredevil has already scored a VIP victory.”

Round 5
Pam: “It all comes down to initiative, and to who will blink first. Daredevil takes the initiative and rolls 2 skulls. Flash rolls, and it’s whiffed! That’s the end of the battle, and Daredevil helps Flash back to his feet as they both congratulate each other.”

Bob: “When we return, we’ll have another battle on another city layout. Stay tuned!”

Bracket Updated

[davidlhsl]

Mike: “Monitor 3 is all clear.”

David: “Folks, I’m afraid I have some bad news to report. Bob’s wife made a batch of deviled eggs, and Bob and Pam shoved so many into their hungry little faces that they dropped dead.”

Mike: “This truly is a tragedy of epic proportions. David and I have been crying ever since we heard the news.” (whispers) ”Still clear on Monitor 3.”

David: “(sniffle) I’d like to think that Bob and Pam are in a better place now. Mike and I will now observe a moment of silence, and we ask everyone to – Mike, you didn’t check Monitor 1!”

Mike: “Uh, oh!!!”

Off-Camera announcer: “This battle is brought to you by the good folks at Burt’s Beer. Burt’s Beer: What’s on Monitor 1? And did anyone think to check Anti-Monitor 2?”

Team Captain America vs. Team Storm

Spoiler Alert!

Pam: “We have two story and four story buildings. Team Storm has flying. When we refer to the Human Torch, we’re referring to Jim Hammond and not Johnny Storm.”

Bob: “Pam, before I dropped David into a mail slot, he mumbled something about a change in the way clear sight is considered for abilities. This will be important for Captain America’s team. Clear sight abilities, such as Cap’s Avenger’s Assemble bonus, is really an aura that shouldn’t be dependent on a figure’s facing. That was an issue we had with The Hood and Doctor Octopus. We’ll now consider these abilities without considering facing issues this time. Facing is important with respect to attacks.”

Pam: “In order to expedite the battle (I’ve begun the battle late in the evening), there will be no bystander movement.”

Round 1
Bob: “With initiative, Black Widow’s Espionage allows her to enter a large building. Captain America enters the same building. Storm’s Gale Force Winds will make taking the rooftops too dangerous, and Storm’s Lightning Tempest will allow her to take the roof and strike below. Ouch!”

Pam: “Storm flies to the roof of a 4-story building.”

Bob: “Black Widow checks a bystander in the building, and it’s a civilian.”

Pam: “Torch joins Storm.”

Bob: “Cap checks another bystander, and it’s clear (civilian). Their best option is to simply hold inside the building and bring the battle to them.”

Pam: “Torch reaches the roof of Cap’s building.”

Round 2
Bob: “Black Widow moves using Espionage and checks the final bystander in the building, and it’s a Civilian. Remember that anyone that destroys a civilian takes an unblockable attack die. The Avengers might use those civilians as human shields against Storm, but we’ll see if Storm takes the risk anyways. Cap holds position. There’s a storm brewing, and they are taking cover.”

Pam: “Then perhaps they need to enter the dark alley in the center for shadow protection. Storm lands onto the roof and unleashes her Lightning Tempest. Black Widow and the civilian brace for impact. Strike One: Black Widow takes 2 wounds (3 left), and the civilian is fried to a crisp. Storm pays with 1 wound (4 left). Strike Two: blocked. Strike Three: blocked.”

Bob: “Black Widow decides that hiding isn’t going to do them any good. She scrambles up the stairwell and arrives onto the roof, but out of sight of Captain America for her Avenger’s bonus. She aims her rifle at Storm and squeezes the trigger. It’s 2 wounds increased to 3 wounds due to her Widow’s Bite (1 left).”

Pam: “Torch moves towards Black Widow and tosses a Fireball at her. Black Widow is struck with 2 wounds (1 left), but now Torch rolls a die for each wound inflicted to see if Black Widow takes any additional damage. It’s a fatal wound, and Black Widow is toasted.”

Bob: “Captain America takes to the roof to avenge his fellow Avenger and tosses his Shield at Storm. It’s a direct hit to deal the fatal blow, and Storm clears the area. The Shield then heads towards Torch, but Torch is able to dodge it.”

Pam: “Clear skies, and Storm loses the turn.”

Round 3
Pam: “Torch unleashes a Fireball at the Cap. Cap blocks.”

Bob: “Cap engages the Human Torch and strikes him with a fist full of 6 skulls. Only 1 shield for the Torch, and his flame goes out in a one-punch KO! Wow! What a beatdown we’ve seen in this battle!!!”

Pam: “That’s nearly as bad as the beatdown we’ll give David and Mike when we cut to commercial.”

Bob: “And we’re cutting to commercial… NOW!”

Bracket Updated

[davidlhsl]

David: “Mike, I think you need to sit down for this. I have some terrible news.”

Mike: “Oh, dear. Did my DVR forget to record my favorite show?”

David: “No, Mike. I’m afraid Pam and Bob are dead.”

Mike: “Whaaaaaaaaaa!!!! No, it’s not so! Say it isn’t so!”

David: “I’m very sorry, Mike. This news has hit me pretty hard as well. But we must be brave. Bob and Pam would want it that way.”

Mike: “I’ll try. Please tell me; how did it happen?”

David: “They were both doing their big number on Dancing With the Stars, and Pam tripped on Bob’s untied shoelaces. They stumbled onto the stage and triggered an old land mine from WWII.”

Mike: “At least they went with a smile on their faces and a song in their hearts!”

Bob (wearing sock over head and appearing from behind desk): “Ready to assist, boys!”

David: “Sock Puppet! Please console us in our hour of grief.”

Bob (pulls off sock): “It’s not Sock Puppet, you idiots.”

David: “Mike, arrest that man for impersonating a Sock Puppet!”

Mike: “But where is Pam?”

Bob: “Look up, Mike.”

David and Mike: “Aaaaaaaagh!!!!!”

Off-Camera announcer: “This battle is brought to you by the good folks at Burt’s Beer. Burt’s Beer: It’s almost as stale as this running gag. And it’ll make you gag.”

Team Psylocke vs. Team Banshee

Spoiler Alert!

Pam: “We have a row of 1-story buildings and four 5-story buildings. The stairwell spaces in the 5-story buildings are actually elevator spaces. We’ll use C3G’s Turbo Lift rules for these for movement purposes, though the elevators are not considered destructible objects as far as those rules are concerned.”

Bob: “We’re also considering the 5-story buildings to have ledges surrounding the buildings. So you can have figures moving occupying the ledges. In addition, figures may freely move within each level of the buildings rather than just the first floor and roof. All edges of the buildings have windows on all floors. Figures may fire out of windows with only a 1-square blind spot at all levels. If a figure at a window is attacked from outside the building, that figure receives +2 defense in addition to any height bonus.”

Round 1
Bob: “Tigra’s team begins inside one of the 1-story buildings. Tigra exits the building and finds a Cop. Nice find!”

Pam: “Yes, but that VIP is a nicer find. Psylocke moves down the center street.”

Bob: “Banshee flies outside and finds a Civilian.”

Pam: “Psylocke enters a cross-alley.”

Bob: “Iron Man Mk I exits the building and shakes hand with a Civilian.”

Pam: “With three bystanders revealed as safe so far, the odds increase that you’ll find one of those Thugs. Hawkeye moves to one of the large buildings and uses his Grapple Arrow to occupy the 3rd story ledge.”

Bob: “We’re not moving bystanders in this game.”

Round 2
Pam: “Hawkeye uses another Grapple Arrow to take the roof of the building. Mysteriously, he pulls out of sniping position of the large street.”

Bob: “Yes, but that doesn’t make the other team less nervous. Hawkeye can always return to the ledge. Iron Man uses his Propulsion Boots to take the 2nd level ledge of another building.”

Pam: “Iron Man can knock figures onto the street with his Magnetic Turbo Insulators, so Hawkeye’s team needs to be careful as well. Hawkeye grapples across to the roof of the other building.”

Bob: “Tigra moves inside the building and waits for an elevator.”

Pam: “Psylocke enters the building where Tigra is waiting.”

Bob: “Banshee lands on the roof of the building and fires his Sonic Scream at Hawkeye. Banshee must’ve been eating a lot of crackers, because he whiffs.”

Round 3
Pam: “Hawkeye advances towards Banshee and strikes with his Close Combat auto-skull and scores a wound (3 left). His arrows are fancy, but sometimes one’s fists will do the job.”

Bob: “Iron Man uses his Boots to reach the 4th story ledge. He needs a bigger boost.”

Pam: “Psylocke pushes past a bystander to confront Tigra. However, the bystander is a Thug, who gets a free attack on Psylocke. As this is indoors, the Thug doesn’t get any bonus. Psylocke blocks, but unfortunately fails to produce any extra shields that would’ve taken out the Thug with her Master Martial Artist. Doesn’t that Thug know who he’s messing with? Ok, Psylocke strikes Tigra with her Psychic Knife. It’s 1 wound (4 left). Tigra decides to keep the Cop protection, as wounds she takes can give her a Berserker Rage bonus strike.”

Bob: “Banshee drinks a glass of water and hopes his Sonic Scream improves. Psylocke and the Thug downstairs are affected as well. 1 skull. Man, Simon Cowell would have a lot of nasty insults if he heard that. No damage to anyone.”

Pam: “Hawkeye breaks engagement with Banshee and takes a wound (3 left). He fires a Trick Arrow at Banshee that will cause Banshee to roll 1 fewer defense die. Banshee blocks.”

Bob: “Tigra bares her claws and swipes twice at Psylocke and delivers a wound (4 left) and knocks her back one space. Knockback can be a curse for melee figures, so she swipes at the Thug with her second attack and takes him out.”

Round 4
Pam: “Hawkeye fires another Trick Arrow with the same -1 defense option. Nothing.”

Bob: “Iron Man’s Boots finally propel him to the top of the roof, and he tries to knock Hawkeye off the roof. It’s a success, and Hawkeye tumbles to the street 30 Heroscape levels below. That’s an Extreme Fall, and Hawkeye needs a 19 or 20 on the d20 to survive. It’s a 7, and Hawkeye takes a Splat Nap.”

Pam: “Psylocke charges towards Tigra for another Psychic Knife. Nothing.”

Bob: “Tigra takes a swipe at Psylocke. Whoops, it’s only 1 skull vs 2+1 auto shield. That’s 2 wounds on Tigra (2 left), and Tigra hangs on to the Cop protection. Tigra snarls and takes another swipe. Another 1 skull, and Tigra uses the Cop to avoid another Master Martial Artist wound.”

Pam: “Hawkeye loses a turn.”

Bob: “Iron Man summons an elevator to the roof.”

Round 5
Bob: “Tigra strikes at Psylocke. It’s another 1 skull! Psylocke whiffs defense, but blocks with her auto-shield. Another swipe is better at 2 skulls. Blocked. Tigra’s Berserker Rage gives her one more swipe, but Psylocke has the upper hand in Close Combat. Tigra takes a wound and has 1 life remaining.”

Pam: “Psylocke decides to sheathe her Knife and strikes with her fists. 2 wounds takes down the Eye of the Tigra.”

Bob: “Iron Man exits the elevator on the ground floor and takes his shot at Psylocke. Rather than risk her counter strike, he uses his Insulator to toss her to the roof where Banshee can take care of her.”

Pam: “Psylocke charges towards Banshee and misses him with her Psychic Knife.”

Bob: “Banshee will use his Sonic Scream, even though it will put Iron Man at risk below. However, special attacks bypass Psylocke’s Master Martial Artist. Psylocke covers her ears in time, but the scream rattles inside the Iron Man suit and scores a wound on him (1 left).”

Pam: “Psylocke decides to let her fists do the talking, giving Banshee 2 wounds (1 left) and knocking him back a space.”

Round 6
Pam: “Psylocke charges towards Banshee with her Knife, and misses!”

Bob: “Iron Man enters the elevator.”

Pam: “Psylocke takes another stab with her Knife, and this time it delivers the fatal wound. However, she fears that she’ll share the same fate as her partner.”

Bob: “Iron Man arrives at the roof, and his Insulator fails to toss Psylocke off the building. So he strikes at her and takes 2 wounds instead (1 left).”

Pam: “Psylocke decides her fists have been more successful than her knife, so she strikes! 3+1 auto skull vs 2 shields, and the battle is over! Bob, these city battles have been outstanding!”

Bob: “Phew! I’ve been holding my breath the entire time just waiting to see how it would turn out. Superman: The Man of Steel is in our next battle, so stick around!”

Bracket Updated

(I had to fix the Challonge Bracket to match what I have listed. It's a great tool, but I'm having a difficult time getting the teams I want put in the specific brackets I want.)

[Lord Pyre]

They're dead, ahhhhhh!

[davidlhsl]

Bob: “We’re back, Sports Fans. I’m Bob, and I’m joined by my co-anchor Pam.”

Pam: “That’s correct. We’re here to pre-empt the nonsense that David and Mike have been pulling in reporting our deaths. As you can see, we are both very much alive.”

Bob: “Ticked off, but alive. So Pam, we’ve enjoyed reporting some fantastic and close battles on this battle mat. I’m really looking forward to getting our next battle underway!”

Scrolling ticker at bottom of screen: “NEWS FLASH: Bob and Pam are dead.”

Pam: “Me too, Bob. I was skeptical as to whether we could make a battle using a square grid instead of hexagons work, but I’ve been impressed by what we’ve witnessed to date.”

Ticker: “Cause of death: Excessive flatulence. Stay tuned for further details on this station.”

Bob: “So let’s head down to our next city location, and get the -- Ok, I see the scrolling ticker.”

Ticker: “Nyeah! Nyeah! You don’t know where we are!”

Pam: “Well if this doesn’t just take the cake.”

Bob: “Pam, let’s enjoy this battle with this high mountain oolong tea from Taiwan!”

Pam: “What? Oh, Ohhhhhhhhhh, yes, Bob. Please pour me a glass. I mean, cup. Please pour me a cup of that delicious tea.”

Ticker: “Nuts. That tea sounds yummy. I must hold firm and not cave.”

Bob: “Here, I’ll pour some boiling distilled water for you. Would you like some cream and sugar?”

Ticker: “What?????”

Pam: “I’d love some, Bob!”

David (runs into booth): “Are you crazy? You don’t just dump boiling water on expensive high mountain oolong, and you don’t add anything to it! You also don’t use distilled water, because it removes the minerals and leaves a flat tasting water. Although you can brew it Western style, you’ll enjoy the subtle flavor variations when oh wait a second I think I just fell into your trap.”

Ticker: “David! Run!!!!”

Pam: “I saw David enter from the Control Room, so that’s where Mike will be. I take it you can handle David.”

Bob: “It’ll be my pleasure!”

David: (whimpers) “Mother!”

Off-Camera announcer: “This battle is brought to you by the good folks at Burt’s Beer. Burt’s Beer: The beer that hits the spot and a few other places.”

Team Superman vs. Team Cloak

Spoiler Alert!

Bob: “We have four battles remaining in the first round of our tournament!”

Pam: “That right, Bob. We’re now going to have a street level brawl without any rooftops in play. Figures can’t fly over building spaces. But the alleyways weave like a labyrinth, with shadow areas specifically marked on the board.”

Round 1
Bob: “Dagger steps forward and reveals a Civilian. By the way, I thought I was going to announce Superman’s actions.”

Pam: “No, Bob. We decided that I would. Superman normally can leap over tall buildings in a single bound, but David’s stupid rules prohibit that. Superman will fly anyway, even if he does have to fly down the alleys.”

Bob: “I don’t remember deciding that you get to announce for Superman. Anyway, Dazzler joins Dagger.”

Pam: “You think that just because I’m a woman that I can’t announce for Superman? Superman lands into a shadow area.”

Bob: “Don’t play that sexist game with me, Pam. Look, I have seniority, and my contract gives me the choice to decide which team’s actions I announce. David is the only one who outranks me. Oh, and Cloak joins the group.”

Pam: “Well, that’s hardly fair, as you’ll always have seniority over me. How am I supposed to advance in my career? Superman approaches the group and decides to hold back one space to check a nearby bystander. It’s a Civilian.”

Round 2
Bob: “Once again, an 18 initiative roll for Superman is outdone from a 19 from Cloak’s Team. You don’t even like comics, Pam, so I don’t see why you’re so picky. I’m a huge fan of the Man of Steel, and I should announce his actions.”

Pam: “Bob, Dazzler is pulling into the shadows and firing at Superman.”

Bob: “Now you’re announcing my team!”

Pam: “Well, somebody has to announce this stupid battle. You don’t expect the participants to simply wait while you pitch a hissy-fit.”

Bob: “I am NOT pitching a hissy-fit. Oh, Dazzler fires at Superman with her Sensory Assault bonus, but Superman blocks the single skull. She ends her turn by placing a Dazzled Marker on Superman, which reduces his numeric stats by 1. It’s not too late to switch teams, Pam.”

Pam: “I’m not giving up my position. Superman engages both Dazzler and Dagger and strikes at Dagger with the -1 Dazzled penalty.”

Bob: “I could’ve done a better job announcing that, but I don’t want to make you cry.”

Pam: “There you go, patronizing me again! I’m an accomplished survival expert, and I’m going to kill you if you don’t stop harassing me!”

Bob: “Oh, yeah! Well, when we cut to commercial, I’m going to stuff you into a casing and make knockwurst out of you!”

Pam: “Why wait for the commercial? Take me on, if you think you’re man enough!”

Bob: “Oh, I’m plenty man enough!”

Pam drags Bob under the desk, loud noises and screams are heard, and then all goes silent.

David (enters with Mike): “I feel bad about teasing them.”

Sock Puppet: “Ready to assist! They’re passed out, but they aren’t dead. Go ahead and announce the rest of the battle, and I’ll drag these two to the hospital.”

David: “Thanks, Sock Puppet. We really do need to give you a raise. Ok, what’s happening? Ah, Superman strikes at Dagger and lands a wound (3 left).”

Mike: “Dagger uses Cloak’s Aura of Darkness to safely disengage from Superman. She fires her Light Daggers Special at Superman. It misses.”

David: “Superman takes a wound (6 left) breaking engagement with Dazzler and closes in on Cloak and Dagger. He swings at Dagger. He knows that if he takes her down, Cloak will take a wound every round! It’s 2 wounds (1 left) and 4 knockback spaces.”

Mike: “Cloak tries to swallow Superman in his Dimension of Darkness, and it’s a 14. He needs a 16 or higher to succeed. Since Superman is the only figure on his team, a successful result will end the game for Superman! His Aura combined with the Dazzled Marker will subtract 2 from Superman’s defense. Superman easily blocks the skull.”

David: “Superman strikes Cloak, and Cloak blocks the 3 skulls but is knocked back one space.”

Round 3
Mike: “Dagger inflicts a wound with her Light Daggers (5 left) and she successfully removes an Order Marker from Superman.”

David: “Superman lands next to Dagger and takes her out with a 2-wound knockout. Cloak wails mournfully.”

Mike: “Cloak fails to consume Superman in his Darkness and fails to wound him with his normal attack.”

David: “Superman flies over into the shadows to strike Dazzler and hits her with 3 wounds (1 left), but she avoids knockback damage.”

Mike: “Dazzler strikes back, but it’s ineffective.”

David: “And Superman loses a turn thanks to Dagger’s Order Marker removal.”

Round 4
Sock Puppet (sticks head into view): “Pssst! Mike and Pam are ok, and they have apologized to each other. They are deeply embarrassed at their unprofessional conduct.”

David: “Mike, I don’t know about you, but I feel pretty bad about our own conduct. We certainly don’t want to see anything bad happen to them, so we shouldn’t have teased them like that. I think we owe them an apology.”

Mike: “I don’t! I think our prank was heeeee-larious! Cloak takes a wound from the loss of Dagger (3 left). Dazzler can’t deliver any damage to Superman, but she does put a Dazzled Marker back on him.”

David: “You don’t feel even a touch of remorse?”

Mike: “Nope! I’m as happy as a clam!”

David: “If clams knew how tasty they are when they are battered and fried, they wouldn’t be so cheerful. Superman takes down Dazzler, and it’s just down to Superman and Cloak.”

Mike: “Cloak enters the shadows to get some protection and fails his Dimension roll and can’t wound Superman.”

David: “Superman scores 3 wounds on Cloak and turns his lights out. That’s the game!”

Mike: “David, I feel weird.”

David: “Do you have a strong urge to join with me in doing something nice for Bob and Pam?”

Mike: “Yes.”

David: “That’s called remorse, Mike. Don’t be afraid of it.”

Mike: “I’m sorry, Bob and Pam!”

Bracket Updated

[davidlhsl]

25,000 Views!!!



Mike: “We’re back! David and I are here in the studio, and we’re going to turn this battle over to Bob and Pam, who have returned safe and fit as a fiddle!”

David: “Fiddles are fit?”

Mike: “Oh, they are definitely fit. They work out a lot, especially when Charlie Daniels plays them.”

David: “Charlie Daniels certainly plays a mean fiddle. And Mike and I have chipped in to buy both Bob and Pam a lovely gift basket.”

Bob: “Hey, this is a Burt’s Beer Basket! And look -- there are barf bags with our names lovingly embroidered on them!”

Pam: “That’s very thoughtful, guys. I think it would’ve been quite ironic if Bob and I had killed each other after the effort you knuckleheads went through in falsely reporting our deaths.”

David: “Knucklehead, eh? Hmmm, I think my remorse is slipping.”

Mike: “Mine too. Nah, I’m sorry about my own role. Anyway, we have a great battle that’s about to begin, and you both have your Burt’s.”

David: “And Mike, let’s you and I take off for the day.” (David and Mike exit)

Off-Camera announcer: “This battle is brought to you by the good folks at Burt’s Beer. Burt’s Beer: Everybody loves pancakes. Pancakes are flat. Burt’s Beer is flat. Therefore, everybody loves Burt’s Beer. It’s just logical!”

Team Batman vs. Team Iron Man Mk III

Spoiler Alert!

Bob: “We’re inside Burt-Mart. It’s like Wal-Mart, but without the low prices. Instead of moving normally, figures next to shelves can climb up or down shelves with Height 6 by moving one space, ignoring their regular height and taking no falling damage. Figures can jump down and move, with normal falling damage checked if applicable.”

Pam: “And since Burt-Mart shoppers are rude, a revealed Civilian rolls the 20-sided die. If the result is 1-8, it remains on the map and operates similar to a revealed Thug (free attack/attacks nearest Hero/Heroes may destroy without penalty), but uses Civilian stats. A roll of 9+ causes the Civilian to flee, so remove it from the map. Civilians on the map won’t use their Panic ability, because they are pre-occupied with their cell phones. Cops operate normally, except they are actually the store’s Helpers.”

Bob: “At the end of each round, we’ll allow a squad of revealed Thugs and a squad of revealed Civilians to take a turn as if they each revealed an Order Marker. They will activate randomly and always move towards and attack the nearest Hero. Don’t sweat the details folks. We’ll play and report the results. In fact, we may see some surprises that we’ll save for activation.”

Pam: “First, we’re rolling the d20 twice for each figure to determine where it begins the game. Batman starts in the clothing section, Black Panther starts in Toys, Iron Man Mk III starts near the checkout, and Molly Hayes starts on top of the shelves between Housewares and Clothes.”

Round 1
Bob: “Ok, Pam. Go ahead.”

Pam: “What do you mean? I’m reporting for Batman.”

Bob: “No, sweeeeeeetie, I’m reporting for Batman!”

Pam: “Number 1, don’t call me sweetie. Number 2, I’m Batman!”

Bob: “No, I’m Batman! I’m wearing my cowl!”

Pam: “I’m wearing my Utility Belt!”

David (enters with Mike): “Ok, ok, ok, SETTLE DOWN! Sheesh, I don’t want you two going to the hospital again. Mike and I will report for Team Iron Man, and you both can report for Team Batman!”

Bob: “Sorry, Pam.”

Pam: “No, I’m acting foolishly. But we’ll both announce for Team Batman, which is a win-win!”

Mike: “I am Iron Man!!!”

David (laughs): “Ok, let’s open the store for some shopping mayhem.”

Round 1 (for real this time)
David: “Iron Man flies towards the Clothing section and fires his Repulsor Ray at Batman. Batman gets +1 defense while in the Clothing section. Batman takes 2 wounds (2 left) and is knocked into the Checkout lane.”

Pam: “Batman climbs onto the Checkout counter and strikes down at Iron Man to no effect.”

Mike: “Iron Man climbs onto Batman’s counter and strikes. Iron Man takes a wound from Batman’s Evasive Strike (3 left).”

Bob: “Black Panther moves out of the Toy section, but first checks to see if they have any Heroscape stuff.”

David: “Molly hops off the shelf and strikes the Panther but strikes his Vibranium Armor instead. Molly takes a Fatique Marker.”

Pam: “Batman strikes Iron Man and fails to make a dent.”

Mike: “We now move the bystanders except for the two Greeters at the front. One bystander appears in the Checkout next to Iron Man and Batman, but won’t be revealed until the end of a turn where one of the two remains adjacent.”

Round 2
Bob: “Batman Grapples to another counter and flings a Batarang at Iron Man. It simply bounces off his armor.”

Mike: “Iron Man fires his Repulsor at Batman, but takes an Evasive Strike instead (2 left). Iron Man reveals the bystander, and it’s a Civilian. The Civilian has been sipping Burt’s Beer without paying for it, and strikes up at Iron Man to no effect.”

Pam: “Batman dashes into the Clothing sections and flings his Batarang up at Iron Man. It penetrates the armor and delivers a wound (1 left). He decides to leave him with the angry customer.”

David: “Molly makes her Fatique roll safely and strikes the Panther. Kitty blocks, and Molly takes a second Fatique Marker.”

Bob: “Black Panther decides to Stealth Leap over to the top of a shelve in Housewares.”

Mike: “Iron Man takes out the angry customer.”

Round 3
Pam: “Batman Grapples to the top of the Clothing shelf.”

David: “Iron Man flies into the Clothing section and fires his Repulsor up at Bats. Batman once again makes his Evasive Strike, and Iron Man tries his Circuitry Reroute. The computer shuts down, and Iron Man is placed in a shopping cart and marked down 50%.”

Bob: “Black Panther Stealth Pounces in front of Molly, and delivers a fatal 5 wounds! However, Molly’s Invulnerable ability causes her to take 1 wound instead (4 left).”

Mike: “Iron Man loses a turn.”

Pam: “Batman Grapples down to Molly and strikes. Molly takes 2 wounds (2 left).”

David: “Molly is still going strong thanks to Red Bull and strikes Batman. Batman’s Evasive Strike is firing on all cylinders, and Molly takes a wound (1 left) and a third Fatigue Marker.”

Round 4
Mike: “Molly remains focused and strikes Batman. However, Batman’s Evasive streak ends the battle, and his team advances.”

Bob: “Thanks for letting Pam and I announce for Team Batman.”

David: “No problem, Bob. And thank you for shopping at Burt’s Mart!”

Bracket Updated

[davidlhsl]

Bob: “And we’re back! I’m Bob, and David is over here climbing the walls with excitement.”

David: “It’s Hulk, baby!!! It screams fun through a bullhorn!”

Bob: “Settle down, partner. I suppose I won’t hear the end of it unless you announce for his team.”

David: “No, Bob. I may joke a lot around here, but I don’t want to act the way you and Pam have during the past two battles. I mean, come on. You’re still witnessing a great battle, regardless which team you’re announcing.”

Bob: “So you’ll let me announce for Team Hulk?”

David: “I don’t see why not? But why don’t we just go back to the method we’ve used since the Burt’s Beer battles have begun and assign positions randomly.”

Bob: “You really are making me feel terrible about my conduct, aren’t you?”

David: “No, these super heroes are quite fun. There’s no harm in putting passion into your work.”

Bob: “Thanks, David. I feel a lot better now.”

David: “And there’s no harm in me putting passion into your wife!”

Bob: “Ok, David. When we cut to commercial, you’re headed to the hospital.”

Sock Puppet (appears from behind desk): “Ready to assist!”

Bob: “I’m just making an empty threat, Sock Puppet.”

David: “Wait. Sock Puppet, why don’t you fill in for me tonight. I want to sit in the stands and watch this upcoming battle. Oh, and I have a surprise. Hulk only fills 380 points. Bruce Banner would take his team to 450 points, which was a bit over my Battle Bites draft. However, I’d like to help out my green buddy. So here’s what will happen: Bruce Banner will be drafted with Hulk, but won’t start on the battlefield. When the conditions are ripe for Puny Human, I’ll roll the d20. A roll of 13 or higher will put Bruce Banner into play, otherwise he won’t make the switch! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to find a good seat.” (exits)

Sock Puppet: “Hey, this is fantastic! Let’s get the battle started.”

Off-Camera announcer: “This battle is brought to you by the good folks at Burt’s Beer. Burt’s Beer: It screams Puke through a bullhorn!”

Team Incredible Hulk vs. Team Wolverine

Spoiler Alert!

Sock Puppet: “We’re now inside an abandoned factory. There’s a small office, where Hulk begins. There’s a second level balcony that looks over the factory. There are two work benches, and four concrete columns. No bystanders.”

Round 1
Bob: “Hulk can’t Super Leap from inside the office per my interior rules. He exits the office and enters the factory area. It’s clear sailing for Hulk.”

Sock Puppet: “Wolverine enters the main factory floor.”

Bob: “Hulk Super Leaps onto the top of a work bench.”

Sock Puppet: “Wolverine approaches Hulk and strikes up with his Adamantium Claws. His claws tear into Hulk for 2 wounds (5 left), and Hulk gets a Rage Marker.”

Bob: “Hulk roars and slams his fist down at Wolverine, which inflicts 4 wounds (2 left) and knocks Wolverine back 2 spaces.”

Sock Puppet: “Mockingbird moves into the factory floor. It’s the end of the round, and Wolverine reveals the X to heal 1 wound (3 left).”

Bob: “And we check to see if Bruce Banner replaces Hulk. He does! Hulk transforms into Bruce, and Hulk heals completely. He’ll also lose his Rage Marker.”

Round 2
Sock Puppet: “Wolverine runs up to the bench and strikes up at Bruce. His first strike shreds Bruce, and Hulk returns. The other two Berserker Rage strikes inflicts a total of 1 wound (6 left), and Wolverine heals 1 (4 left).”

Bob: “Bruce has the first two Order Markers, so go ahead.”

Sock Puppet: “Mockingbird appears in view of the action and Pole Vaults onto the work bench and fires at Hulk. No damage. Wolverine climbs onto the bench and strikes three times with his Berserker Rage. Hulk takes a total of 2 wounds (4 left), and Hulk gets his Rage on. Wolverine heals 1 (5 left).”

Bob: “Now Hulk is ready to tear into Wolverine. He smashes Wolverine with 4 wounds (1 left) and knocks him back 5 spaces off the bench and onto the floor. However, that Soothes Hulk.”

Sock Puppet: “Wolverine licks his wounds and heals 1 (2 left).”

Round 3
Sock Puppet: “Wolverine approaches Hulk and strikes up. It’s a total of 3 wounds (1 left), and Hulk gets his Rage back. Wolverine heals 1 (2 left).”

Bob: “Hulk smashes down with his fists loaded with 13 dice (1 is from height) onto Wolverine for a monster 6 wounds and a KO.”

Sock Puppet: “Uh, oh. Wolverine fielded all the Order Markers!”

Bob: “Hello, Mockingbird! Hulk walks along the bench and swings at her. Mocking Words reduced the dice to 11, which won’t help much. It’s another 6 wound knockdown, and Hulk roars his approval.”

David (enters): “Wow, that was great! Did you guys see that?”

Bob: “Of course we saw it. We were announcing it! Fun battle, and Wolverine almost took him down.”

Sock Puppet: “We have one more battle, and the first round of our tournament will be complete.”

Bracket Updated

[Red Eyed Jedi]

Aww man, Wolverine's team going down really busted my bracket, I had his team winning it all. I guess an enraged Hulk w/h can smash up more than brackets though!

Congrats on your views achievement! Here's to the next 25K!
May it never loose it's sponsorship, or it's comical banter.

[davidlhsl]

Originally Posted by Red Eyed Jedi

Aww man, Wolverine's team going down really busted my bracket, I had his team winning it all. I guess an enraged Hulk w/h can smash up more than brackets though!

Congrats on your views achievement! Here's to the next 25K!
May it never loose it's sponsorship, or it's comical banter.

Welcome to my Curse! I have a habit of watching everyone I root for go down in flames. Hulk did get a boost from Bruce, but Wolverine was just one point shy.

[davidlhsl]

David: “Bob, this thread has gone over 25,000 views, and we’re at the final battle of the first round of our Battle Bites tournament. How can this possibly get any better?”

Bob: “How about we celebrate with a warm can of Burt’s Beer?”

David: “No, that doesn’t make things better.”

Bob: “I’m certainly not offering you any tea. You should promote our sponsor, David. Come on, take one teensy weensy widdle sip.”

David (takes a sip): “Flat. Warm. Feel like throwing up. Yeah, that’s Burt’s, all right.”

Bob: “We now have Spider-Man battling another version of Iron Man. We’ve got a lot of Iron, don’t we?”

David: “Yes we do. Anyway, we’ll take this battle back to a city street brawl, and we’ll have some tall buildings. I was originally going to do a Walking Dead setting with zombies, but I think this next group should play amongst the buildings.”

Bob: “Is this the last of the battle mats?”

David: “I’ve been having so much fun on this that I’m tempted to keep the party rocking. However, my plan for the next round would work a lot better if we return to our regular Heroscape terrain. I do need to write down all my instructions and special rules, as I definitely want to keep them. I would definitely love to return to this way of battling.”

Bob: “Are you going to also write down your freeway rules?”

David: “No. It was a fun experiment, but these city battles are certainly a keeper. So let’s get this battle underway!”

Off-Camera announcer: “This battle is brought to you by the good folks at Burt’s Beer. Burt’s Beer: What’s so great about being sober?”

Team Iron Man Mk IV vs. Team Spider-Man

Spoiler Alert!

David: “We won’t have any bystanders in this battle. All figures have the ability to reach the rooftops, so we’re taking building interiors and fire escapes out of this battle. Due to the height of these buildings we’ll implement a restriction on Iron Man’s Repulsor Beam. Similar to our rule on ending knockback at the roof’s edge, this ability can’t place figures onto a space more than 1 level below its current position.”

Bob: “Yes, I recall that the Statue of Liberty scenario we played during the C3G Fantastic Four celebration had rules concerning figures falling from such extreme heights. We probably should’ve implemented this rule earlier in the tournament.”

David: “Buildings in this battle will be 2, 5, 10, and 20 stories high, with ledged available on the jump from 5-10 and 10-20 stories on the tallest building to provide access to Spider-Man.”

Round 1
David: “Iron Man is up! Vixen will take the Eagle Power in this round. Iron Man flies to the roof of a 10-story building.”

Bob: “Falcon reaches the top of the 20-story building.”

David: “Vixen joins Iron Man.”

Bob: “Spider-Man moves down the street.”

David: “Vixen reaches the 20-story roof.”

Bob: “Spider-Man Web Swings to the ledge on the 15th story of the 20-story building.”

Round 2
David: “Vixen uses Rhino Power to bolster her defense.”

Bob: “Spider-Man reaches the roof and fires at Vixen to no effect.”

David: “Iron Man joins Vixen and fires his Repulsor Beam at Spider-Man, but Spider-Man blocks. The second attack activates Spider-Man’s Spidey-Senses.”

Bob: “Falcon swoops over to Iron Man and strikes for 1 wound (3 left).”

David: “Vixen engages Spider-Man and strikes, but Spider-Man Swings away.”

Bob: “Spider-Man uses Web Slinger to pull Vixen next to him and strikes her. She loses 2 defense dice due to the Web Slinger ability, but she’s able to block anyway.”

David: “Iron Man fires his Repulsor Beam at Falcon, hitting for 1 wound (3 left). The second blast is blocked.”

Round 3
David: “Due to Spider-Man’s Web Slinger, Vixen decides to hold onto her Rhino Power.”

Bob: “Spider-Man strikes at Vixen with a massive 4 skull attack, but Vixen only takes 2 wounds (2 left) and tumbles back 2 spaces.”

David: “Vixen makes like the Rhino she is and charges at Spider-Man to deliver 2 wounds (3 left).”

Bob: “Falcon is tied up with Iron Man and inflicts another wound (2 left).”

David: “Vixen swings at Spider-Man, but it is Spider-Man who swings away.”

Bob: “Spider-Man Web Slings himself next to Vixen and whiffs the attack.”

David: “Vixen must have Rhino Sense! Iron Man charges his Uni-Beam and fails to deliver any damage. Iron Man’s suit shoots a few sparks and heals his wounds, but he loses his special abilities for the rest of the battle!”

Bob: “That Uni-Beam’s effect is both a blessing and a curse. These various Iron Men designs are a lot of fun!”

Round 4
David: “Vixen decides to take a gamble and switch to her Bear Power. That will give her 2 additional attack.”

Bob: “That will leave her very vulnerable if Spider-Man can set up his Web Slinger on her. He strikes Vixen, but his fist just brusher past her fur.”

David: “Vixen claws at Spider-Man, and his Spidey-Sense fails him! The takes a fatal 3 wounds for the KO! Her gamble paid off!”

Bob: “Falcon now has height advantage over Iron Man due to his Aerial Advantage and strikes down for 2 wounds (2 left).”

David: “Iron Man strikes back. Due to Falcon’s Redwing Distraction, Iron Man will lose a skull. He still is able to deliver 2 wounds against a whiffed defense (1 left).”

Bob: “Spider-Man loses the turn.”

Round 5
David: “Vixen stays with her Bear Power. She charges towards Falcon and strikes up at him, and she’s able to deliver the KO to send her team into the next round of the tournament!”

Bob: “So, what’s coming up in the next round, David?”

David: “Hee!”

Bob: “Yes?”

David (produces Anti-Monitor from behind desk and activates his light): “You are erased from existence!”

Bob: “Anti-Monitor? He’s a tad too costly for a 400-point Battle Bites tournament, isn’t he?”

David: “No, because 400 times 4 is 1600. In our next round, I will take the first four brackets for the Evil Teams, and randomly select a team from each. They will combine forces and battle Anti-Monitor together, which will establish a baseline time. The remaining Evil Teams in the brackets will battle Anti-Monitor and try to better the other group’s performance. Whichever combined team performs better – either by defeating him earlier or surviving the longest -- will advance into the next round of the tournament together. Then I will do the same for the Good Teams.”

Bob: “Yowser!”

David: “It’s going to be a mouthful, Bob, so get ready to take a really big bite when we return!”

Bracket Updated