davidlhsl's Battles

[Lord Pyre]

Nah, I like the pun of Femme Gems. Very clever.

[davidlhsl]

David: “Attention, Sports Fans! My name is David, and I’m pleased to broadcast with my good friend, Bob!”

Bob: “Thanks, David. I’m really looking forward to getting this Battle Bites Tournament started.”

David: “So am I, Bob! I also hope my special rules will work.”

Bob: “Special rules? Consider me interested!”

David: “Do you remember that great freeway battle in the second Matrix movie?”

Bob: “Yes.”

David: “Well, I’ve come up with a set of rules I hope will make for an exciting battle. Check this out!”

Spoiler Alert!

Bob: “Now I’m extremely interested! More info! More info!”

David (laughs): “My idea actually has a lot of different parts to it, so I won’t bore you with the nagging details. Instead, let me just run through the main points. Each team controls 3 cars. Each car in the game has an occupancy of 3: front seat and two back seats. The outside of the cars have 3 positions: hood, roof, and trunk. Drivers are considered NPC and cannot attack or be attacked. Cars occupy a space of 3x2 squares.

“The 18-wheeler isn’t controlled by either player and is static on the board. All vehicles are actually in motion, but the board simply represents the relative positions. The cab roof and the roof of the trailer are all areas that can hold figures.

“Before the first #1, #2, and #3 Order Markers are revealed during a round, there is a Road Phase. Each car is randomly assigned an order, and in turn each car: (1) rolls 2 dice and moves the difference between the two dice. Collisions are possible, and figures on the outside of the affected cars can be thrown off. If doubles 1-3 are rolled, the car encounters a hazard and must veer either towards the outside or backwards the number rolled. I won’t go into details, but blocking cars could trigger a chain reaction. (2) After all cars move and in turn, figures with the car can take one move action if there are no opponent’s figures with the car.

“During a figure’s movement phase, that figure may take one move action. Move actions include: (1) Re-position inside or outside a vehicle, (2) move outside-to-inside or inside-to-outside, (3) jump from one outside position to an adjacent outside position of another vehicle, (4) fly/leap from one outside position to another outside position using its normal movement number if it has such an ability.

“During the attack phase, figures with Super Strength may do the following instead of attacking: If on the hood or trunk, attempt to reach into the car and throw a figure without Super Strength out of the car. All figures may also do the following instead of attacking: If sitting in the front seat, may grab the steering wheel to force the car to the left or right.

“There are bonuses and penalties, but I won’t go into detail. I’ll just list some examples: -1 attack when attacking behind while inside a car, +1 defense if outside figure attacks inside figure. I also have rules for line of sight and adjacency, engagement strikes, plus picking up figures knocked onto the freeway. We’re also not using knockback rules. It isn’t important for you to know the exact mechanics as it is for you to have a general idea of what’s happening. So, have I completely confused you?”

Bob: “Actually, no. I think I’ll get a better feel for it once the battle gets underway, but this sounds quite interesting!”

David: “I hope this works! This is one ambitious idea that will either be fantastic or sink like an anvil.”

Bob: “There’s only one way for us to find out, and that’s to put it into action!”

David: “Before we sign off, here’s the tournament bracket, thanks to Challonge.com!

Warning: If you’re reading this after the battle has gotten underway, you might want to avoid spoiling the results and wait until you’ve read to the last post in this tourney before looking at the bracket.

Battle Bites Bracket

[Porkins]

Frogger!

[davidlhsl]

David: “Sports fans, start your engines! I’m David, and I’m hitting the freeway with my good friend, Bob!”

Bob: “Thanks, David! I’m not only looking forward to getting this tournament started, but I’m extremely anxious to see if your freeway rules play as well as I hope!”

David: “So do I, Bob. We’re starting the action with Team Kraven vs. Team Killer Croc.”

Bob: "David, before we begin, let's say, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, C3G!"

Off-camera announcer: This special tournament is brought to you by the good folks at Burt’s Beer. Burt’s Beer: Drinking and driving is only slightly more dangerous than getting shot by drive-by Killer Penguins.”

Team Kraven vs. Team Killer Croc

Spoiler Alert!

David: “Here’s the initial setup. Each figure is randomly assigned to a car.”

Spoiler Alert!

David: “Kraven selects Killer Croc as his Prey. Mike joins us to announce the actions taken during the Road Phase.”

Round 1
Mike: “In the first Road Phase, Black Cat’s car slams into the Killer Penguins’ car. Neither suffers damage. Kraven takes to the hood of his car, while two Killer Penguins take to the outside.”

Bob: “The two Penguins had to take to the outside to get a shot at Black Cat inside his car, while the other is able to fire out the side window. Two fire at Black Cat with height bonus, while the other fires at the car. Black Cat get +1 defense for being inside the car and defending against a figure outside. Bad Luck aura changes a 3-skull attack to a whiffed attack. Overall, no success.”

David: “Kraven jumps over to the top of the 18-wheeler. He fires down at Electro, who is in the front seat, but does no damage.”

Mike: “Killer Penguins’ car has to swerve away from Black Cat’s car. The Penguins that were on the outside climb back inside the car. Croc takes to the hood of his.”

Bob: “Croc takes to the roof of the 18-Wheeler and strikes Kraven. Kraven blocks the attack.”

David: “Black Cat can’t do anything, as her car isn’t adjacent to anything that would allow her to jump. She sits in the car and cranks up the radio.”

Mike: “Cars adjust position.”

Bob: “Electro fires an Electrostatic Bolt up at Kraven. Kraven is able to block the 3 skulls!”

David: “Trickster lobs his Itching Powder Bomb at Electro and deals 2 wounds (2 left)!”

Spoiler Alert!

Round 2
Mike: “Trickster’s car has encountered several obstacles along the way, and has fallen back off out of the action. Note that cars will sometimes fall out of the action to pick up figures that were knocked onto the road, as well as in situations such as this. These figures aren’t technically considered off the battlefield for victory purposes, as they will return to action during the next Road Phase. The Killer Penguins’ car slams hard into Black Cat’s car, but no damage is done.”

Bob: “Killer Croc grabs Kraven in a Death Roll and deals 1 wound (5 left).”

David: “Kraven fails to knock Croc down with his Bolas, so attacks his Prey twice. He delivers 1 wound with his Nerve Punch (4 left) and removes an Order Marker from Killer Croc.”

Mike: “Electro’s car had to swerve to avoid an obstacle. He moves to the back seat.”

Bob: “Electro fires his Electrostatic Bolt up at Kraven. There’s not enough charge, and it’s easily blocked.”

David: “Kraven tosses his Bolas at Killer Croc and succeeds. He then attacks his Prey twice with his Nerve Punch at the helpless Croc. The first strike was a nasty 4 skulls against a whiffed defense, and Croc is KO!”

Mike: “Black Cat climbs to the roof of her car. Trickster’s car once again swerves wildly. He needs a better driver.”

Bob: “Croc loses his turn.”

David: “Black Cat takes to the roof of the 18-Wheeler.”

Spoiler Alert!

Bob: “Well, David. What do you think of these rules?”

David: “I’m loving them so far! The Road Phase can really hose your figures.”

Bob: “I’m liking what I see so far as well.”

Round 3
Mike: “Tricker’s car and Electro’s car take turns smashing into each other. Electro climbs out onto the trunk of his car.”

David: “Trickster climbs onto the hood of his car and avoids Electro’s Electric Skin. His attack on Electo delivers 1 wound (1 left).”

Bob: “Electro counters by targeting both Trickster and Trickster’s car with his Electrostatic Bolt. Trickster cries, ‘Hey, Look Over There!’ The attack is cancelled.”

Mike: “Trickster’s car slams into Electro’s, with nobody getting knocked off. Trickster climbs back into the front seat and takes an engagement strike from Electro (3 left). The tan car swerves to the other side of the truck and slams on the brakes, knocking into the Killer Penguins’ car to deliver a wound to the car (3 left). Electro’s car pulls back to the side of Trickster’s car, and Electro leaps onto the trunk of Trickster’s car.”

David: “Kraven fires down at Electro to no effect.”

Bob: “Electro jumps into the back seat of Trickster’s car and fires his Electrostatic Bolt at both Trickster and his car. Trickster takes 2 wounds (1 left), but the car takes no damage.”

Mike: “Killer Penguins pull to the side of the 18-Wheeler, and the three Penguins take to the top of the car.”

David: “The tan car pulled back in front of the Killer Penguins’ car, so Black Cat was able to jump down onto the trunk so she can strike at the Penguin on the hood of the other car. The Penguin is KO (2 remaining).”

Bob: “Killer Penguins hop onto the roof of the 18-Wheeler and fire down at Black Cat. Despite the Bad Luck Aura, they land 1 wound on the Cat (3 left).”

Spoiler Alert!

Round 4
Mike: “The purple car pulls in front of Trickster’s car and slams on the brakes so that Trickster’s car will ram into it, dealing 1 damage to Trickster’s car (3 left). “

Bob: “Electro attacks Trickster to no avail, but does burn the X Order Marker.”

David: “Trickster climbs into the back seat to avoid the -1 attack penalty for attacking towards the back. Unfortunately, that triggers Electro’s Electric Skin, which fries Trickster to a crisp. And I just realize that I’ve been forgetting to check the Itching Powder roll when Electro tries to move.”

Mike: “The purple car smashes into Trickster’s car and delivers a wound (2 left). The yellow car slams into the 18-Wheeler, and jostles both Penguins and Kraven on top. One of the Penguins is knocked onto the road and becomes road kill (1 remaining).”

Bob: “The final Penguin fires at Kraven with his Machine Gun to no effect.”

David: “Kraven kills the final Penguin with his Bolas.”

Mike: “The vehicles continue roaring down the freeway.”

Bob: “Penguins lose their turn.”

David: “Black Cat can’t do anything.”

Round 5
Mike: “The yellow car smashes into the car with Electro, who climbed onto the trunk. Electro got knocked off the car and hit the road, taking the final wound for a KO! And that is the end of the game.”

David: “Team Kraven prevails.”

Bob: “Are we going to keep playing with these freeway rules?”

David: “I really like the way this played, so I’ll extend it for the next three battles. Then I want to try something different.”

Battle Bites Bracket

[davidlhsl]

Programming Note:

Whoopie! C3G added some figures in addition to the massive 23 figure release, so I need to rearrange two of the Teams.

Team Mysterio: Boomerang, Mysterio, Mysterio Holographs, Pyro (hilarious to see Pyro = Hot replace Icicle = Cold)

Team Deadshot: Deadshot, Pied Piper, Rat Swarm x 7, Weather Wizard. No word as to whether Shadow Thief appreciates getting his walking papers over a swarm of rats.

I’m getting some waterfall action at the moment, as I’m on vacation. I expect an avatar change when I return.

[davidlhsl]

Does anybody need to pee?

Spoiler Alert!

Additions:

Scary crossing 1
Scary crossing 2

[davidlhsl]

David: “Did you miss me, Sports Fans? I’m Da-“

Pam: “Shut up, David. You’re still in Time Out!”

David: “Yes, ma’am.”

Sock Puppet (enters): “I’m here to fill in for David, Pam. Wait, David’s sitting over there in the corner.”

Pam: “Yes, and he’s not allowed to leave. He’s in Time Out.”

Sock Puppet: “He didn’t insult Bob’s wife again, did he?”

Pam: “No, he did something worse than that.”

Bob (enters): “Wait a second, Pam. Are you suggesting there’s something worse than insulting my wife?”

Pam: “No, Bob. Ok, yes, there are plenty of things worse than insulting your wife. Sticks and stones: remember?”

Bob: “I don’t like anyone knocking my sweetie.”

David (still facing corner): “Unless she’s drunk and horizontal!”

Bob and Pam: “David!!!”

Sock Puppet: “Ok, let’s settle down. So, Pam, what did David do to deserve this time out?”

Pam: “So neither of you checked out the videos David posted to YouTube.”

Bob and Sock Puppet: “No.”

Pam: “Well, you’d better sit down for this.” (Mike enters)

Hiking – Scary Crossing 1
Hiking – Scary Crossing 2

Mike: “Awesome!!!”

Pam (slaps Mike hard on the back of his head): “No, Mike, it is NOT awesome. That was dangerous! You don’t cross a water cascade like that.”

David: “What did you expect me to do, turn around and hike back?”

Pam: “How far did you hike to get to that spot?”

David: “I’m not certain, but it was about 4 miles.”

Pam: “Just 4 miles??? How late in the day was this?”

David: “Somewhere around 11:00 am.”

Pam (walks over and slaps David hard on the back of the head): “You could’ve crawled backwards on your hands and knees and still made it safely back, you idiot!”

David: “Ow!”

Bob: “If he was low on water or food, maybe turning back wasn’t the best idea.”

David: “Oh, I had lots of water and packed my lunch.”

Bob and Pam (slap David hard on the back of the head): “You idiot!!!”

Mike: “I don’t see the problem. He obviously made it back in one piece.”

Pam: “So, Mike, if you stripped naked and crossed the freeway as traffic rushed by and you made it to the other side without getting smeared on the pavement, you wouldn’t see any problem?”

Mike: “Oooo, is that on YouTube?”

Pam: “No!!! (sigh) David, I’m ordering you to take my course in outdoor survival.”

David: “Yes, ma’am.”

Sock Puppet: “Speaking of freeway traffic, we still have a Battle Bites tournament.”

David: “Yes! Now that I’m back from vacation, I’m looking forward to –“

Pam: “Shush! You’re still in Time Out! And Mike, I want you in that other corner for trying to encourage him.”

Mike: “Yes, ma’am.”

The action will return… we hope.

[tcglkn]

When does Mysterio get to fight?

[davidlhsl]

Originally Posted by tcglkn

When does Mysterio get to fight?

According to the Battle Bites Bracket, he and his Holographs are in the 8th battle. Oooo, he's facing Doctor Octopus!

I'm almost done with the Parasite vs. Metallo battle, so that should post shortly.

[tcglkn]

Lets hope Doc Ock doesn't tie him down or he'll be useless.

[davidlhsl]

Pam: “Welcome back to the program, everyone. I’m Pam, and sitting in the corners are Naughty David and Naughty Mike.”

Naughty David and Naughty Mike (somberly): “We’ve been bad.”

Pam: “Sock Puppet, welcome to the broadcast.”

Sock Puppet: “Thanks, Pam. And Bob is here as well.”

Bob: “I’ve been very good!”

Pam: “Don’t get cocky. Let’s turn our attention to the freeway as Teams Parasite and Metallo are getting prepared to engage in combat.”

Bob: “Let’s go!”

Off-camera announcer: This special tournament is brought to you by the good folks at Burt’s Beer. Burt’s Beer: The beer you drink when all hope is lost.”

Team Parasite vs. Team Metallo

Spoiler Alert!

Round 1
Bob: “The cars jockey for position. Parasite and Penguin take to the roof of their cars.”

Sock Puppet: “Penguin uses his Umbrella-Copter to take to the roof of the 18-Wheeler. He fires his Umbrella Gun twice down at Parasite. His first shot delivers a brutal 3 wounds (2 left).”

Pam: “Parasite climbs to the roof of the 18-Wheeler and fails his Parasitic Life Drain. His attack is reduced from his wounds due to his Hunger Pains and strikes with 1 wound (3 left).”

Bob: “Now Metallo and Mystique exit their vehicles.”

Sock Puppet: “Metallo joins Penguin on the roof of the 18-Wheeler and strikes Parasite. Parasite blocks.”

Pam: “Mystique climbs to the roof of the 18-Wheeler and fires at Metallo, delivering 2 wounds (4 left).”

Bob: “Everyone is on the roof of the 18-Wheeler, so the cars skid around and try to slam into each other. A few considered slamming into the 18-Wheeler in order to possibly toss some of the figures onto the roadway, but decide that the tactic would likely backfire.”

Sock Puppet: “Penguin flies over Parasite and fires down with his Umbrella Gun. The second shot delivers the 2 wounds for the KO!”

Pam: “Parasite loses the turn.”

Sock Puppet: “Metallo heals himself 1 wound with Cybernetic Repair X (5 left).”

Round 2
Bob: “The silver car slams into the 18-Wheeler, but fails to cause any damage. The purple car gets a huge ramming speed on the tan car but fails to do any harm.”

Sock Puppet: “Penguin steps forward and fires his Umbrella Gun at Mystique, dealing one wound (4 left).”

Pam: “Mystique fires across at Metallo to no effect.”

Sock Puppet: “Penguin takes the turn away from Metallo, and flies over Mystique. He fires down at her for 2 wounds (2 left).”

Pam: “Mystique fires back at Penguin and deals 1 wound (2 left).”

Sock Puppet: “Penguin holds and fires at Mystique. He doesn’t want to risk moving into engagement with her due to her Engagement Strike ability. He fails to wound her.”

Pam: “Mystique fires back at Penguin but whiffs.”

Sock Puppet: “Metallo finishes his Repair and is fully healed.”

Round 3
Sock Puppet: “Metallo engages Mystique without taking her Strike. He delivers the fatal 2 wounds to end the battle.”

Bob: “David, these Battle Bites teams are quick and mean. I’m loving this!”

David: “Thanks!”

Pam: “You’re in Time Out, David!”

David: “I’m Timing myself back in.”

Mike: “How about me, David.”

David: “You’re free to go.”

Bracket Updated

[tcglkn]

Sucks to see Parasite go down like that. He's quite fun when you can hit the rolls for his drain and keep him alive for a while.