davidlhsl's Battles

[davidlhsl]

Speaker phone: "Mr. Oslo's office."

Randal: "Hey, this is Randal. I'm the janitor, and I'm currently cleaning in Studio 15. Tell Mr. Oslo that one of the cameras has a red light that's on."

Speaker phone: "That's impossible. The red light doesn't come on unless... Oh, no! Wait one moment while I put Mr. Oslo on the line." (cuts to Vivaldi's Four Seasons)

Speaker phone (after about a minute): "Hello? Randy? Are you there?"

Randal: "Mr. Oslo, is that you?"

Speaker phone: "Yes! Listen, you are on the air!"

Randal: (gulps) "Is this some sort of prank?"

Speaker phone: "No! C3G's anniversary wave has been released a week earlier than expected. I need you to entertain the viewers until I get down there."

Randal: (gulps louder) "M-m-m-e??? What do you want me to do? I don't know anything about C3G."

Speaker phone: "Listen, just tell them a joke. Ok? Just tell them something to keep them occupied."

Randal: "I don't know any jokes."

Speaker phone: "Oh, come on! You have to know something funny that you can tell."

Randal: "Well, there is one pretty funny joke I know."

Speaker phone: "Well, tell it! We've got dead air, and we need to broadcast something. Look, I know this is pretty sudden for you, but just take a deep breath and tell your joke. You'll do fine."

Randal: "Is there something I can pass along about this C3G release you're talking about?"

Speaker phone: (sighs) "Look, just tell them that Burt's Beer is planning a Battle Bites tourney, which will start next week. Bob and David haven't filled me in on this, so I can't give you anything else. Now, I've got to hang up so I can contact one of the announcers to let them know the wave has already been released. Will you please just start telling your joke? Goodbye!" (click)

Randal: "Ummmmmm, uh, uh, (gulps) oh, hey. Listen, I've got a funny joke. Let's see, how does it go? Oh, I remember.

"So, anyway, this traveling salesman's car breaks down. It's almost nightfall, and he's stranded in the middle of nowhere. There's only one small farmhouse nearby, so he walks up and knocks on the door.

"The farmer opens the door, and the salesman says, 'Hey, my car broke down and I'm stranded. I wonder if you could put me up for the night. I'd be glad to pay you.' The farmer says, 'Well, I'm afraid we don't have any spare beds, so you'll have to sleep with my daughter.' The salesman says, 'Oh, well, I'd hate to put you to any trouble.' The farmer says, 'Hey, it's no trouble. I wouldn't want you to have to sleep in your car overnight.'

"So the farmer leads the salesman to his daughter's bedroom, opens the door, and the salesman sees the sexiest woman with the bigges-"

*click*

[mac122]

Originally Posted by davidlhsl

... with the bigges-"

"-t flat panel TV he'd ever seen!"

[davidlhsl]

Originally Posted by mac122

"-t flat panel TV he'd ever seen!"

Mmmmm, High Definition 1080p LED. (gurgle)

[davidlhsl]

"Ready to assist, Sports Fans! I'm Sock Puppet, and I'd first like to congratulate C3G on a spectacular release! Their anniversary is April 23rd, and they have put together another phenomenal wave. This time, they have stuffed their release with a massive 23 figures! Some of these figures are some of the most anticipated among comics fans!

"And to show appreciation to their fans, they have released this celebration one week in advance! C3G is constantly surprising us with their creativity, and let's not forget that this already follows some fantastic releases we've already enjoyed this year.

"David has been considering how to celebrate this anniversary, and Brainiac gave him an idea. So far, we've been slamming some great battles with multiple teams and high point armies. David decided this time to go small.

"Introducing... The Burt's Beer Battle Bites Tournament! This tournament will pit 32 armies in a contest to see who will prevail. In keeping with the small theme, David has drafted the armies in the 380-410 point range. These should prove to be quick, but fun, knockouts! Of course, the figures from the latest wave will be included, but you will also see figures throughout the C3G line. You won't see a lot of synergies, but we've already witnessed several fun battles that were tossed together.

"David isn't well versed in the comics universe, but he has attempted as best as he could to draft 16 "Evil" teams and 16 "Good" teams. No doubt someone will spot discrepancies in the lineup, which we hope don't detract from the fun. The "Evil" teams will fight in one bracket, and the "Good" teams will compete in the other.

"To give you an idea of what types of teams will participate, here are just two of the 32 teams. One is Team Bizarro, and it's a 400 point army consisting of Bizarro and Vulture. Another team is Team Batman. This is a 380 point army with Batman, Robin (Tim Drake), and Alfred Pennyworth.

"It's Big! It's Small! And it'll be brought to you by the good folks at Burt's Beer!"

[tcglkn]

When do we get to see a list of all the teams?

[davidlhsl]

Originally Posted by tcglkn

When do we get to see a list of all the teams?

I'm putting the final touches together, but I should be ready to announce them this week.

[tcglkn]

Is this anticipation what the public feels all the time looking forward to our next release and wondering what it is?

[davidlhsl]

David: "Sports Fans, activate! I've Dave-a-Reno, and sitting next to me is Buh-Bob-a-Bob-a-Bobster!"

Bob: "Thanks, David. I was certainly thrilled to hear that we have another great wave of C3G figures."

David: "Yes, and they have now created enough great stuff where I now have to use another box for storing the cards. My box runneth over!"

Bob: "We do have a celebration in the works, don't we?"

David: "Nope!"

Bob: "Huh?"

David: "That was Bizarro-David talking, Bob. Of course we have a celebration in the works!!! We're shrinking our army sizes and will present 400 point armies for our next Burt's Beer tournament."

Bob: "400 points for Superheroes? Wow, that sounds interesting! I guess size doesn't matter, huh?"

David: "That's not what your wife tells me."

Bob: "David, when we cut to commercial, I'm going to shove your face into a deep-fat fryer and make Idiot Fries out of you!"

David: "Later, Bob. Now, I'm still contemplating some ideas which will hopefully add some additional fun to the proceedings!"

Bob: "Oh, now I do love your ideas! What are you considering?"

David: "I'd like to keep that a surprise at the moment, but I'll share some of my rejects with you. You remember our Battlelore battle, right?"

Bob: "Yes! That was a lot of fun!"

David: "Ok, well I considered incorporating Star Trek Fleet Captains. The idea is to have the Superheroes work their way across the Location Tiles, where they might face the various encounters."

Bob: "I'm not familiar with that game."

David: "The location tiles represent planets, stars, nebulae, and various other locations. However, when I considered the encounters, I realized the Superheroes don't have Sensor stats."

Bob: "Dumb idea?"

David: "Oh, yeah. Next! I've been enjoying Hahma's reports about his games of Flash Point Fire Rescue. That sounds like a lot of fun, so I considered having the Superheroes run through a burning building, punching the occupants in the face, tossing Hazmats at each other, and fighting to save a cat."

Bob: "And you didn't like that idea, I take it."

David: "No, that actually sounded like a fantastic idea! However, I don't have that game."

Bob: (sigh) "Have you considered incorporating Heroscape into your battles?"

David: "Heroscape? Hmmm, that's an interesting idea."

Bob: "That was sarcasm, Bizarro!"

David: (laughs) "I know that. Anyway, I won't drive you crazy with any of my other ideas."

Bob: "I think you're late for that."

David: "Glad to hear it. While I'm working on printing the rest of my cards and working through the rest of my planning, would you like a peek at some of the teams?"

Bob: "That might help my headache."

David: (slaps Bob hard on the back) "THEN LET'S ROCK AND ROLL, BOB!!!"

Bob: "OWWWW!"

David: "Here are four of the 16 teams on the Evil Side!"

Originally Posted by Evil Teams

Bizarro, Vulture.
Boomerang, Icicle, Mysterio
Captain Boomerang, Heat Wave, Scorpion
Chameleon, Emma Frost, Mirror Master

Bob: "Those are interesting. If you have Evil Teams, I assume you'll have some Good Teams as well."

David: "You read my mind, Bob! Here are the Good Teams!"

Originally Posted by Good Teams

Anti-Monitor, Ultron
Fire Ant Swarm x 50
Krug, Mimring, Shaolin Monks x 3
Capt. Kirk, Spock, Dr. McCoy, Red Shirts x 6

Bob: "You really think you're funny, don't you?"

David: "If I didn't at least try, do you think anybody would read this thread?"

Bob: (laughs) "Ok, it's difficult to counter that argument."

David: "Here are four actual teams."

Originally Posted by Good Teams, not kidding this time, unless I'm joking

Alfred Pennyworth, Batman, Robin (Tim Drake)
Spider-Man, Spider-Girl
Ant-Man, Cyclops, Jean Grey
Atom, Daredevil, Elektra

Bob: "I'm looking forward to this, David. I'm also looking forward to seeing if you'll toss in some of your crazy ideas, though I hope you won't try that Star Trek idea."

David: "I don't take anything off the table unless I need room to brew some of my tea."

Bob: "And this might be a fantastic place to cut you off. We'll continue announcing the teams. Until next time, keep your Burt's flat!"

David: "And Bob's wife happy!"

Bob: "David!"

[IAmBatman]

I thought Anti-Monitor and ULTRON were a bit of a stretch for "good".

[tcglkn]

Go Team Icicle! I love Mysterio!

[Porkins]

Originally Posted by IAmBatman

I thought Anti-Monitor and ULTRON were a bit of a stretch for "good".

And a bit more than 400 points.

[IAmBatman]

Originally Posted by Porkins

And a bit more than 400 points.

Just a tad!