Satirical Review: 4th Massachusetts Line

[TheExplodingCheez]

Disclaimer: this is a satirical piece. Don't take it seriously! Oh, and thanks to Bothi for the concept of BS strategy reviews.

Strategy Review: 4th massachussetts line
first of all, let me say, I’m making lemonade out of lemons here. The 4th mass line is just about one of the most boring and weak squads out there. I mean, they have 2/2 for Christ’s sake. And to top it off, they limit your entire army to one type of figure. It’s often said that to make a winning army, just
1. collect 4th mass
2. ???
3. profit!
I guess the thing that goes in for #2 is “throw them away.” Yeah, I didn’t want to review these guys, but due to their inexplicable popularity I guess I have to. Is it possible to turn this pitiful squad into a winning army? I’m going to try.

First off, let’s look at their stats: 5 move, 6 range, 2 attack, 2 defense. Basically the only promising stat is the 6 range, but that won’t get them very far considering their pitiful attack of 2, especially with the prevalence of Hatamoto Taro to boost many figures’ defense. Their 2 defense is also pathetic, and they will die to almost any roll of 1 die or more. Now that we’ve analyzed their stats, let’s take a look at their abilities.

Wait then fire: the 4th mass gets one more attack die if none of them moved this turn. Wow, 1 die? waitta dig deep, guys.

Valiant Army defense bonus: They gain ONE defense die if your WHOLE army is valiant. That’s only a 1/3 more chance of rolling another shield.

Let’s analyze this for a second. So basically, even if none of your army moves and all your army has valiant personalities, you get a squad with 3/3. Yippee, that’s, like, average stats. But despite their utter boringness, I’ll try to do what I can to make a passable army based off these guys.

One of the only advantages of the 4th mass is their numbers. Since you have 4 men, you really won’t need any more than 1 squad of them. Anything else is pretty much overkill and a waste of points.

Also, since the 4th Mass’s range is only 6, most figures can engage them in one move after being shot. That’s why you should always move around the map to stay out of opponents’ range. Just remember, move then fire.

So far we know how to use the 4th Massachusetts Line solo: using 1 squad, moving around frequently. But what other units should make up your army? Well, valiant figures are obvious. But that’s just the problem, they’re too obvious. Your opponent is going to be expecting a valiant army, so why not surprise them by shaking things up? Throw in some wild gruts, or relentless wolves. Once you get past the limit of valiance, the world is your burrito!

Well, that’s about all the time I’ve got. Again, the 4th Massachusetts Line isn’t exactly an A unit, but it CAN get the job done if you use them how I’ve explained. Thanks for reading!

[Joseph Sweeney]

+rep.

While reading this, I almost choked on my water!

[OEAO]

Very funny!

[The CEE]

I had a hunch Hatamoto Taro was the reason the 4th Mass always perform so poorly. We need to get him banned from tournament play so the 4th Mass can finally see some action!

[TheExplodingCheez]

thanks guys!

by the way, (rant warning)

Spoiler Alert!

(disclaimer: I am not complaining about neg rep, just trying to make a point) whoever gave me neg rep for "using the Lord's name in vain"... wow. just wow. That may be offensive to YOU, but not to most people. You can't impose your beliefs on other people just because that's what you believe. And even so, this is a joke. Comedy is meant to be provocative and taken in jest. This entire article was sarcastic, so I obvoius;y wasn't trying to offend anyone. And besides, "Christ's sake" isn't even offensive. Did I say "I hate Jesus"? No. I didn't even say "Damn" or anything. Jesus isn't Voldemort. You can say his name without insulting him. Furthermore, whoever gave me the rep wrote something very petty and condescending, to the effect of "How DARE I use the almighty Lord God's name in vain! I better show some respect." If you're gonna lower someone's reputation for saying a harmless statement on the internet, at least be polite about it, as some people (like me) didn't even think twice that some people might consider "Christ's sake" offensive. Sorry to rant, but it just pisses me off when people say not to use the Lord's name in vain. (Again, I am not trying to complain about neg rep, or offend religous people... I just do not believe I should take the fall for a harmless, common saying on an internet where everyone's beliefs are present, for Christ's sake.) And, at the risk of more neg rep, I will say this: it's the internet. Grow a pair.

[Smithy Winfred]

Lol, great "strategy" Can't wait to see more

[TheExplodingCheez]

thx, I will try to put out more, but I think this is kinda my peak (in all likely hood they will all be basically pretending a good unit is bad, or a bad unit is good. but I'll see what more I can do!)

Oh, can someone move this post to "strategy articles" please?

[TheExplodingCheez]

thanks to megasilver for moving this to the right section!

edit: anyone got any ideas for the next unit to review?

edit of the edit: Oh, I didn't know "BS" was supposed to stand for "Bothi Satirical." Since I am not Bothi, I will say that "BS" stands for something else. well isn't it obvious

[XDVincent]

Really good review, now I know how to use the 4th. HAHAHA great job.

[Jexik]

You actually should move them a lot, unless you're facing an all-melee army. Height advantage is usually more important than WtF.

I think one of the most common misconceptions about the 4th is that they just sit in their start zone using WtF.

This was my old satirical review:

http://www.heroscapers.com/community/blog.php?b=753

[Neo]

I'm sorry and I know most people disagree with me, but the satirical review thing is getting really old really fast.

[DBZMagus]

The part about the prevalence of Hatamoto Taro really made me chuckle. But what's also funny about this review is that an inexperienced player could easily take this satire seriously. When I was brand new to the game they looked like a weak squad to me because of the 2/2 and my inexperience with using squads in general, and I did initially dismiss them.