David: “Hello, Sports Fans! It’s me, David! I’m here at the Grand Opening of Burt’s Beer Sports Bar, located in lovely downtown Bon Aqua! Joining me in the celebration is my good friend, Bob!”
Bob: “It’s great to be here, David! Let’s go in and check out the excitement that must be taking place inside at this great Grand Opening! Mmmmm, I can just taste that flat beer now!”
David (enters Sports Bar with Bob): “Wow, Bob. There’s only one customer, and he’s sitting in a corner barfing his guts.”
Bob: “Man, the Burt’s Beer must be fresh from the brewery. Still, I thought the Grand Opening would have a better response than this.”
David: “Let’s push our way through this ‘crowd’ and talk to the bartender. Hey, barkeep! Give us two glasses of your flattest brew!”
Barkeep: “You’ve got a choice: Chunky or Smooth.”
Bob (sits down): “Ewwww, I’ll go with smooth, if you don’t mind.”
David: “Do you have any tea, preferably full leaf? If you have tea bags, that’s fine.”
Barkeep: “Tea? You some sort of wise-guy? Burt’s Beer: Chunky and Smooth. That’s what we’ve got.”
David (gulps): “Uh, smooth for me as well. What’s in the chunky?”
Barkeep: “The stuff coming out of that guy over there.”
David (stifles a spew): “Smooth. Yes, definitely smooth for me. You have any bar food? I love bar food. Perhaps you have cheese sticks, or perhaps some loaded potato skins. Oh, a nice bowl of chili would be great!”
Barkeep: “Fish sticks.”
Bob: “Anything else? Perhaps buffalo chicken wings or mini-burgers?”
Barkeep: “Fish sticks, pal.”
David (looks at Bob, then back to Barkeep): “Ok.”
Bob (looks around): “Um, before you go, where are the big screen TVs? I’ve never seen a proper Sports Bar without a bunch of televisions for catching up on all the big games.”
Barkeep: “You want to watch the big game? Over there.” (points to wall)
David: “That’s a bear’s head. Looks pretty mangy.”
Barkeep: “That’s a big game. If the place turns a profit, we might put up a moose’s head over on that wall. Now, if you’re finished bothering me, I’ll get your grub.” (leaves)
Bob: “I didn’t expect much from the place, given that Burt’s Beer is involved. But I didn’t expect
this.”
David: “Yeah, I guess they put all their money into sponsoring our battles. They certainly don’t put any into their beer. And judging by the looks of things, they didn’t shell out a lot of bucks here, either. Excuse me, mister. Are you going to be ok?”
Customer (looks up): “Never felt better. Fantastic Grand Opening, eh?”
Bob: “Yeah, you can just feel the electricity in the air.”
Customer: “That’d be my pacemaker.” (opens shirt to reveal a long scar)
David: “That’s ok. We’ll take your word for it. Sorry to have bothered you. Oh, look, our food is arriving.”
Barkeep (sets two paper cups of Burt’s Beer onto the bar, and pushes a plastic basket of fish sticks towards Bob and David): “Enjoy. If you leave without a tip, I’ll kill ya.”
David (looks into basket): “Excuse me.” (touches one fish stick) “These fish sticks are still frozen.”
Barkeep: “Of course, stupid! The box said ‘Frozen Fish Sticks.’ Now if I cooked them, they wouldn’t be frozen any more, would they? Here’s your tab, and don’t forget the tip.”
Bob (pulls out wallet and tosses $20 onto the bar): “Will that cover it?”
Barkeep: “Yep. I’ll let ya live. Oh, there’s something happening over at the big game!”
David (looks): “Yes, those are called
flies. Bob, I know you hate to eat and run as much as I, but we need to get ready for the upcoming battle.”
Bob: “Let’s get out of here.”
Barkeep: “Hey! Don’t you want a to-go box and your beer?”
Bob: “I’ll take the beer. Give the fish sticks to that guy over there with our compliments.”
Customer (finishes buttoning his shirt with some difficulty): “Hey, how did you know it was my birthday?”
Bob: “Lucky guess. Let’s go.”
Outside…
David: “Well, Bob, Burt’s certainly knows how to put on a party! But we’ve got a fantastic battle coming, and it’ll feature figures from C3G’s latest wave!”
Bob: “That’s right, David. And you won’t believe the map where the battle is going to take place: Hol Hall. It’s a stunning new map in the design phase at C3G. Let’s take a look at that beauty!”
David: “Wow! We’re going to have four teams, with team paired as team mates. Team mates haven’t yet been decided, but here are the participants:”
Team Hawkman
Hawkman, Hawkgirl, Hawkmen of Thanagar x 5, Atom
Team Capt. Marvel
Capt. Marvel (Billy Batson), Doctor Fate, Science Police x 4
Team Supergirl
Supergirl, Red Tornado, Aquaman, Vixen
Team Black Adam
Black Adam, Zatanna, White Martian x 2, Parademon Shock Troopers x 1
Bob: “That looks great. And the battle will be sponsored by the good folks at Burt’s Beer.”
David: “Let’s go over to Buffalo Wild Wings.”
Bob: “Lead the way!”