Becoming More Sociable

I am, by nature, an introvert. A lone wolf. A private person. Unable to form significant relationships with other people. Those are all phrases my guidance counselor uses to describe me.

I have found out, from 17 years of living like that, that I don't particularly like it. I have friends, don't get me wrong. But they are few, and I have started to feel a... longing for contact with other people. While before, I was content to be by myself, to think and imagine and dream without the fear of judgement from my peers. But now I want to share my ideas. I want others to know what I think about, what I feel, what I dream. The only problem is my interpersonal skills. They are severely lacking, to say the least, which is kind of ironic, since my mom is a guidance counselor and my dad a preacher.

I decided that it would be best to just dive in, to put myself in an unfamiliar, uncomfortable situation involving other people. That was three days ago.

The first day, I saw a couple of guys shooting basketball. I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to try out my new plan. Guys make friends by playing sports and stuff. And I was passable at basketball. I'm tall, and I can jump. Can't shoot very well, but I can't have everything. So I started to make my way over there. As I got closer, I got to see them more... in scale, I guess you could say. Big. They were very, very big. Six foot five, easy. 225 pounds, easy. Suddenly playing basketball with them didn't seem like a very good idea after all. Especially after they started fighting. So I slunk back across the street, trying to seem nonchalant. I was very disappointed in myself later that day. Regardless of their size, I should have gone on up to them. Maybe they were friendly giants. That enjoyed play fighting. With blood.

The next day it rained.

And then today. I went to the Y with my brother and my dad to play raquetball (Which is a great game, btw). While I was playing my father, there was this girl that kept passing by the court. She and I made eye contact a couple of times, and she smiled at me. Here was another opportunity! And it's the opposite sex! That should be worth some bonus points or something!

After I finished playing my dad, I excused myself, saying that I was tired and needed a break, so my brother went in to play. The girl (whose name turned out to be Allison) was sitting on a bench just a couple of yards down the hall. So, trying to act casual (but failing badly, I'm sure), I walked down the hall, stopping to get a drink of water, then stopping again to tie my shoe (I know, I'm pathetic). When I looked up, she was looking at me. Dead at me. And it scared me. But I was in this too deep to back out now. So I stood up and went to talk to her.

The first few minutes were... painful. But she didn't get up and leave, or slap me, or spit in my face, or anything like that. And gradually, I started to relax, and then I started to enjoy myself. We were laughing, and talking about this and that and the other. Mostly her life, mainly because of the absence of a life of my own, and because someone told me that people will talk about themselves all day if you let them. So I let her. I oohhh'd and aaahhhh'd, I nodded enthusiastically, even told a few anecdotes myself. And I really enjoyed myself.