Dennys
March 19th, 2007, 10:21 PM
:reaper: Ok, this thread is Necro'd, but in my own small way a tribute to Bunjee
SECRET AGENT GAL (Secret Agent Man - TV Show Theme)
There's a girl who leads a life of danger
To everyone she meets she says that she's a 'Scaper
With every move she makes another shot she takes
Odds are she won't get to fight the Marro
Secret agent gal, secret agent gal
They've given you a promo and shaken up your world
Beware of gamers' faces that you find
A poker face can hide an evil mind
Ah, be careful how you play
Or you'll give the game away
Odds are you won't get to fight the Marro
Secret agent gal, secret agent gal
They've given you a promo and shaken up your world
------ lead guitar ------
Secret agent gal, secret agent gal
They've given you a promo and shaken up your world
Swingin' on at GenCon tables one day
And then layin' in the Ram back alley next day
Oh no, you let the wrong die slip
you take an extra wounding chip
Odds are you won't get to fight the Marro
Secret agent gal, secret agent gal
They've given you a promo and shaken up your world
Secret agent gal.....
Land of Heroscapers (Hotel California)
For Grungebob
4/14/07
In a dark Indy game room, cool drink by my side
Warm smell of the plastic, cards lined up just so right
Cross the room in the distance, I saw a shimmering sight
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to brace for the fight
There he stood in the doorway;
I heard the tourney bell
And I was thinking to myself,
’this could be heaven but this must be hell
Then he lit up a candle and he set his dice tray
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...
Welcome to the land of Heroscapers
Such a lovely place
Such a wartorn space
Plenty of fights in the Land of Heroscapers
Any time of year, you can find it here
His mind is def’nately-twisted, he’s got Sir Hawthorne cheap
He’s got a lot of pretty, pretty figs, they look so sweet
How they dance on the gameboard, sweet summer sweat.
Some rolls I remember, some rolls I forget
So I called up my orders,
’please first move be mine
And then when the dice rolled, he got Sixteen, I got Nine
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Just you wait till the middle of the fight
And I hear them say...
Welcome to the Land of Heroscapers
Such a lovely place
Such a wartorn space
They’re livin’ it up in the land of Heroscapers
What a nice surprise, Major Q9 <sigh>
Back and forth we’re reeling,
Slip sliding on the ice
And he said ’I’ll take 9 attacks here, with Major Q’s device’
And in the gaming chamber,
He thought he’d have a feast
Then Finn stabbed it with his steely knife,
Wow, I just killed the beast!
Last thing I remember, I was
Falling on the floor
I’d just rolled five big red skulls,
and shields he rolled four
’You win,’ said Sir Grungebob,
’This game I concede’.
’You play HS any time you like,
’But you can never leave!’
Revdyer's Restaurant
By Drake Alexander
This song is called Revdyer's Restaurant, and it's about Revdyer, and the
restaurant, but Revdyer's Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant,
that's just the name of the song, and that's why I called the song Revdyer's
Restaurant.
You can get anything you want at Revdyer's Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Revdyer's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the lava track
You can get anything you want at Revdyer's Restaurant
Now it all started two Ragnaroks ago, was on - two years ago on
Ragnarok, when my friend and I went up to visit Revdyer at the
restaurant, but Revdyer doesn't live in the restaurant, he lives in the
church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, where he likes to pray, and Dund the doggin.
And livin' in the bell tower like that, he had a lot of
room downstairs where the pews used to be in. Havin' all that room,
seein' as how he took out all the pews, he decided that he didn't
have to take out his garbage for a long time.
Well me and the Elite got up there, we found all the garbage in there, and we decided it'd be
a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the Barrenspur dump.
Sowe took the half a ton of garbage, put it in the back of a red Fire Breathin Dragon,
took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed
on toward the Barenspur dump.
Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the
dump saying, "Closed on Ragnarok." And we had never heard of a dump
closed on Ragnarok before, and with tears in our eyes we flew off
into the sunset looking for another place to put the garbage.
We didn't find one. Until we came to a side road, and off the side of the
side road there was another fifteen foot cliff and at the bottom of the
cliff there was another pile of garbage. And we decided that one big pile
is better than two little piles, and rather than bring that one up we
decided to throw our's down.
That's what we did, and flew back to the church, had a Ragnarok
dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the
next morning, when we got a message to see officer Taelord. He said,
"Kid, we found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a half a ton of garbage,
and just wanted to know if you had any information about it."
And I said, "Yes, sir, Officer Taelord, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope under that garbage."
After speaking to Taelord for about forty-five minutes we
finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said that we had to go down
and pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and speak to him at the
shire reeve's station. So we got on the red fire breathing dragon with the
shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the shire reeve's station.
Now friends, there was only one or two things that Taelord coulda done at
the shire station, and the first was he could have given us a medal for
being so brave and honest, which wasn't very likely, and
we didn't expect it, and the other thing was he could have bawled us out
and told us never to be see flying garbage around the vicinity again,
which is what we expected, but when we got to the shire reeve's station
there was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon,
and we was both immediately arrested. Handcuffed.
And I said "Taelord, I don't think I can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on."
He said, "Shut up, kid. Get on the back of Braxas here."
And that's what we did, sat in the back of Braxas and flew to the
quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want tell you about the town of
Barrenspur, Valhalla, where this happened here, they got three stone
Bridges, two Kyrie guardians, and One Micriocorp Agent, but when we got to the
Scene of the Crime there was five Kyrie Guardians and three Microcorp Agents,
being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everybody wanted to
get in the Valhalla Times story about it. And they was using up all kinds of
Kyrie equipment that they had hanging around the shire reeve's station.
They was taking plaster dragon tracks, foot prints, doggin smelling prints, and
they took twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles
and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each
one was to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach,
the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to
mention the aerial photography.
After the ordeal, we went back to the gaol. Taelord said he was going to put
us in the cell. Said, "Kid, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want your
wallet and your pistol belt." And I said, "Taelord, I can understand you wanting my
wallet so I don't have any money to spend in the cell, but what do you
want my belt for?" And he said, "Kid, we don't want any hangings." I
said, "Taelord, did you think I was going to hang myself for littering?"
Taelord said he was making sure, and friends Taelord was, cause he took out the
toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and he took
out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars roll out the - roll the
toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape. Taelord
was making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Revdyer
(remember Revdyer? It's a song about Revdyer), Revdyer came by and with a few
enlightening words to Taelord on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back
to the church, had a another Ragnarok dinner that couldn't be beat,
and didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court.
We walked in, sat down, Taelord came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten
colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back
of each one, sat down. Man came in said, "All rise." We all stood up,
and Taelord stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy
pictures, and Thormun walked in sat down with a seeing eye Deathstalker, and he
sat down, we sat down. Taelord looked at the seeing eye Deathstalker , and then at the
twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows
and a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing eye Deathstalker.
And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles
and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry,
'cause Taelord came to the realization that it was a typical case of ArchKyrie
blind justice, and there wasn't nothing he could do about it, and
Thormun wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy
pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each
one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And
we was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the snow, but thats not
what I came to tell you about.
Came to talk about the draft.
They got a system here in Heroscape, theyre called status sheets,
where squad cards get injected, inspected, detected, infected,
neglected and selected. I went down to get my stats examination one
day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so
I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. `Cause I wanted to
look like the all-American kid from New York City, man I wanted, I wanted
to feel like the all-, I wanted to be the all American kid from New York,
and I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all
kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave
me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see Raelin, room 604."
And I went up there, I said, "Rae, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I
wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and
guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill,
KILL, KILL." And I started jumpin up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL," and
she started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down
yelling, "KILL, KILL." And then Jandar came over, pinned a medal on me,
sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy."
Didn't feel too good about it.
Proceeded on down the hall gettin more injections, inspections,
detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me
at the thing there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four
hours, I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty
ugly things and I was just having a tough time there, and they was
inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no
part untouched. Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the
old man, I walked in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing there,
and I walked up and said, "What do you want?" He said, "Kid, I only got
one question. Have you ever been arrested?"
And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Revdyer's Restaurant Massacre,
with full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that and all
the phenome... - and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, did you ever
go to court?"
And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten
colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and the paragraph on
the back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, I want
you to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W .... NOW kid!!"
And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's
where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the Jandar’s army after
committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly
looking people on the bench there. MotherScapers. Dice Grabbers.
FatherScapers! FatherScapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And
they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the
bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest
FatherScaper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly
'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me
and said, "Kid, whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay
$50 and pick up the garbage." He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?"
And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench
there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I
said, "And one shotting Q9." And they all came back, shook my hand,
and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about climbs, dice grabbing,
fatherscaping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the
bench. And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of
things, until Thorngrim came over, had some paper in his hand, held it
up and said.
"Kids, this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna-
know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-
you-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting-
officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say", and talked for
forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had
fun filling out the forms and playing with the quill pens on the bench there,
and I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it
down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the
quill pen, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the
other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on
the other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the
following words:
("KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?")
I went over to Thorngrim, said, "Thorngrim, you got a lot a darn gall to
ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm
sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench
'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army, burn ninjas,
orcs, castles and villages after bein' a litterbug." He looked at me and
said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you fingerprints
off to Utgar."
And friends, somewhere in Utgar’s Castle enshrined in some little folder, is a
study in black and white of my fingerprints. And the only reason I'm
singing you this song now is cause you may know somebody in a similar
situation, or you may be in a similar situation, and if your in a
situation like that there's only one thing you can do and that's walk into
the shrink wherever you are ,just walk in say "Rae, You can get
anything you want, at Revdyer's restaurant.". And walk out. You know, if
one person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick and
they won't draft him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony,
they may think they're both faggots and they won't take either of them.
And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in
singin a bar of Revdyer's Restaurant and walking out. They may think it's an
organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day,I said
fifty people a day walking in singin a bar of Revdyer's Restaurant and
walking out. And friends they may thinks it's a movement.
And that's what it is , the Revdyer's Restaurant Heroscape Movement, and
all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it come's around on the
guitar.
With feeling. So we'll wait for it to come around on the guitar, here and
sing it when it does. Here it comes.
You can get anything you want, at Revdyer's Restaurant
You can get anything you want, at Revdyer's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the lava track
You can get anything you want, at Revdyer's Restaurant
That was horrible. If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing loud.
I've been singing this song now for twenty five minutes. I could sing it
for another twenty five minutes. I'm not proud... or tired.
So we'll wait till it comes around again, and this time with four part
harmony and feeling.
We're just waitin' for it to come around is what we're doing.
All right now.
You can get anything you want, at Revdyer's Restaurant
Excepting Revdyer
You can get anything you want, at Revdyer's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the lava track
You can get anything you want, at Revdyer's Restaurant
Da da da da da da da dum
At Revdyer's Restaurant
SECRET AGENT GAL (Secret Agent Man - TV Show Theme)
There's a girl who leads a life of danger
To everyone she meets she says that she's a 'Scaper
With every move she makes another shot she takes
Odds are she won't get to fight the Marro
Secret agent gal, secret agent gal
They've given you a promo and shaken up your world
Beware of gamers' faces that you find
A poker face can hide an evil mind
Ah, be careful how you play
Or you'll give the game away
Odds are you won't get to fight the Marro
Secret agent gal, secret agent gal
They've given you a promo and shaken up your world
------ lead guitar ------
Secret agent gal, secret agent gal
They've given you a promo and shaken up your world
Swingin' on at GenCon tables one day
And then layin' in the Ram back alley next day
Oh no, you let the wrong die slip
you take an extra wounding chip
Odds are you won't get to fight the Marro
Secret agent gal, secret agent gal
They've given you a promo and shaken up your world
Secret agent gal.....
Land of Heroscapers (Hotel California)
For Grungebob
4/14/07
In a dark Indy game room, cool drink by my side
Warm smell of the plastic, cards lined up just so right
Cross the room in the distance, I saw a shimmering sight
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to brace for the fight
There he stood in the doorway;
I heard the tourney bell
And I was thinking to myself,
’this could be heaven but this must be hell
Then he lit up a candle and he set his dice tray
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...
Welcome to the land of Heroscapers
Such a lovely place
Such a wartorn space
Plenty of fights in the Land of Heroscapers
Any time of year, you can find it here
His mind is def’nately-twisted, he’s got Sir Hawthorne cheap
He’s got a lot of pretty, pretty figs, they look so sweet
How they dance on the gameboard, sweet summer sweat.
Some rolls I remember, some rolls I forget
So I called up my orders,
’please first move be mine
And then when the dice rolled, he got Sixteen, I got Nine
And still those voices are calling from far away,
Just you wait till the middle of the fight
And I hear them say...
Welcome to the Land of Heroscapers
Such a lovely place
Such a wartorn space
They’re livin’ it up in the land of Heroscapers
What a nice surprise, Major Q9 <sigh>
Back and forth we’re reeling,
Slip sliding on the ice
And he said ’I’ll take 9 attacks here, with Major Q’s device’
And in the gaming chamber,
He thought he’d have a feast
Then Finn stabbed it with his steely knife,
Wow, I just killed the beast!
Last thing I remember, I was
Falling on the floor
I’d just rolled five big red skulls,
and shields he rolled four
’You win,’ said Sir Grungebob,
’This game I concede’.
’You play HS any time you like,
’But you can never leave!’
Revdyer's Restaurant
By Drake Alexander
This song is called Revdyer's Restaurant, and it's about Revdyer, and the
restaurant, but Revdyer's Restaurant is not the name of the restaurant,
that's just the name of the song, and that's why I called the song Revdyer's
Restaurant.
You can get anything you want at Revdyer's Restaurant
You can get anything you want at Revdyer's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the lava track
You can get anything you want at Revdyer's Restaurant
Now it all started two Ragnaroks ago, was on - two years ago on
Ragnarok, when my friend and I went up to visit Revdyer at the
restaurant, but Revdyer doesn't live in the restaurant, he lives in the
church nearby the restaurant, in the bell-tower, where he likes to pray, and Dund the doggin.
And livin' in the bell tower like that, he had a lot of
room downstairs where the pews used to be in. Havin' all that room,
seein' as how he took out all the pews, he decided that he didn't
have to take out his garbage for a long time.
Well me and the Elite got up there, we found all the garbage in there, and we decided it'd be
a friendly gesture for us to take the garbage down to the Barrenspur dump.
Sowe took the half a ton of garbage, put it in the back of a red Fire Breathin Dragon,
took shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed
on toward the Barenspur dump.
Well we got there and there was a big sign and a chain across across the
dump saying, "Closed on Ragnarok." And we had never heard of a dump
closed on Ragnarok before, and with tears in our eyes we flew off
into the sunset looking for another place to put the garbage.
We didn't find one. Until we came to a side road, and off the side of the
side road there was another fifteen foot cliff and at the bottom of the
cliff there was another pile of garbage. And we decided that one big pile
is better than two little piles, and rather than bring that one up we
decided to throw our's down.
That's what we did, and flew back to the church, had a Ragnarok
dinner that couldn't be beat, went to sleep and didn't get up until the
next morning, when we got a message to see officer Taelord. He said,
"Kid, we found your name on an envelope at the bottom of a half a ton of garbage,
and just wanted to know if you had any information about it."
And I said, "Yes, sir, Officer Taelord, I cannot tell a lie, I put that envelope under that garbage."
After speaking to Taelord for about forty-five minutes we
finally arrived at the truth of the matter and said that we had to go down
and pick up the garbage, and also had to go down and speak to him at the
shire reeve's station. So we got on the red fire breathing dragon with the
shovels and rakes and implements of destruction and headed on toward the shire reeve's station.
Now friends, there was only one or two things that Taelord coulda done at
the shire station, and the first was he could have given us a medal for
being so brave and honest, which wasn't very likely, and
we didn't expect it, and the other thing was he could have bawled us out
and told us never to be see flying garbage around the vicinity again,
which is what we expected, but when we got to the shire reeve's station
there was a third possibility that we hadn't even counted upon,
and we was both immediately arrested. Handcuffed.
And I said "Taelord, I don't think I can pick up the garbage with these handcuffs on."
He said, "Shut up, kid. Get on the back of Braxas here."
And that's what we did, sat in the back of Braxas and flew to the
quote Scene of the Crime unquote. I want tell you about the town of
Barrenspur, Valhalla, where this happened here, they got three stone
Bridges, two Kyrie guardians, and One Micriocorp Agent, but when we got to the
Scene of the Crime there was five Kyrie Guardians and three Microcorp Agents,
being the biggest crime of the last fifty years, and everybody wanted to
get in the Valhalla Times story about it. And they was using up all kinds of
Kyrie equipment that they had hanging around the shire reeve's station.
They was taking plaster dragon tracks, foot prints, doggin smelling prints, and
they took twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy photographs with circles
and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one explaining what each
one was to be used as evidence against us. Took pictures of the approach,
the getaway, the northwest corner the southwest corner and that's not to
mention the aerial photography.
After the ordeal, we went back to the gaol. Taelord said he was going to put
us in the cell. Said, "Kid, I'm going to put you in the cell, I want your
wallet and your pistol belt." And I said, "Taelord, I can understand you wanting my
wallet so I don't have any money to spend in the cell, but what do you
want my belt for?" And he said, "Kid, we don't want any hangings." I
said, "Taelord, did you think I was going to hang myself for littering?"
Taelord said he was making sure, and friends Taelord was, cause he took out the
toilet seat so I couldn't hit myself over the head and drown, and he took
out the toilet paper so I couldn't bend the bars roll out the - roll the
toilet paper out the window, slide down the roll and have an escape. Taelord
was making sure, and it was about four or five hours later that Revdyer
(remember Revdyer? It's a song about Revdyer), Revdyer came by and with a few
enlightening words to Taelord on the side, bailed us out of jail, and we went back
to the church, had a another Ragnarok dinner that couldn't be beat,
and didn't get up until the next morning, when we all had to go to court.
We walked in, sat down, Taelord came in with the twenty seven eight-by-ten
colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back
of each one, sat down. Man came in said, "All rise." We all stood up,
and Taelord stood up with the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy
pictures, and Thormun walked in sat down with a seeing eye Deathstalker, and he
sat down, we sat down. Taelord looked at the seeing eye Deathstalker , and then at the
twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles and arrows
and a paragraph on the back of each one, and looked at the seeing eye Deathstalker.
And then at twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy pictures with circles
and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each one and began to cry,
'cause Taelord came to the realization that it was a typical case of ArchKyrie
blind justice, and there wasn't nothing he could do about it, and
Thormun wasn't going to look at the twenty seven eight-by-ten colour glossy
pictures with the circles and arrows and a paragraph on the back of each
one explaining what each one was to be used as evidence against us. And
we was fined $50 and had to pick up the garbage in the snow, but thats not
what I came to tell you about.
Came to talk about the draft.
They got a system here in Heroscape, theyre called status sheets,
where squad cards get injected, inspected, detected, infected,
neglected and selected. I went down to get my stats examination one
day, and I walked in, I sat down, got good and drunk the night before, so
I looked and felt my best when I went in that morning. `Cause I wanted to
look like the all-American kid from New York City, man I wanted, I wanted
to feel like the all-, I wanted to be the all American kid from New York,
and I walked in, sat down, I was hung down, brung down, hung up, and all
kinds o' mean nasty ugly things. And I waked in and sat down and they gave
me a piece of paper, said, "Kid, see Raelin, room 604."
And I went up there, I said, "Rae, I want to kill. I mean, I wanna, I
wanna kill. Kill. I wanna, I wanna see, I wanna see blood and gore and
guts and veins in my teeth. Eat dead burnt bodies. I mean kill, Kill,
KILL, KILL." And I started jumpin up and down yelling, "KILL, KILL," and
she started jumpin up and down with me and we was both jumping up and down
yelling, "KILL, KILL." And then Jandar came over, pinned a medal on me,
sent me down the hall, said, "You're our boy."
Didn't feel too good about it.
Proceeded on down the hall gettin more injections, inspections,
detections, neglections and all kinds of stuff that they was doin' to me
at the thing there, and I was there for two hours, three hours, four
hours, I was there for a long time going through all kinds of mean nasty
ugly things and I was just having a tough time there, and they was
inspecting, injecting every single part of me, and they was leaving no
part untouched. Proceeded through, and when I finally came to the see the
old man, I walked in, walked in sat down after a whole big thing there,
and I walked up and said, "What do you want?" He said, "Kid, I only got
one question. Have you ever been arrested?"
And I proceeded to tell him the story of the Revdyer's Restaurant Massacre,
with full orchestration and five part harmony and stuff like that and all
the phenome... - and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, did you ever
go to court?"
And I proceeded to tell him the story of the twenty seven eight-by-ten
colour glossy pictures with the circles and arrows and the paragraph on
the back of each one, and he stopped me right there and said, "Kid, I want
you to go and sit down on that bench that says Group W .... NOW kid!!"
And I, I walked over to the, to the bench there, and there is, Group W's
where they put you if you may not be moral enough to join the Jandar’s army after
committing your special crime, and there was all kinds of mean nasty ugly
looking people on the bench there. MotherScapers. Dice Grabbers.
FatherScapers! FatherScapers sitting right there on the bench next to me! And
they was mean and nasty and ugly and horrible crime-type guys sitting on the
bench next to me. And the meanest, ugliest, nastiest one, the meanest
FatherScaper of them all, was coming over to me and he was mean 'n' ugly
'n' nasty 'n' horrible and all kind of things and he sat down next to me
and said, "Kid, whad'ya get?" I said, "I didn't get nothing, I had to pay
$50 and pick up the garbage." He said, "What were you arrested for, kid?"
And I said, "Littering." And they all moved away from me on the bench
there, and the hairy eyeball and all kinds of mean nasty things, till I
said, "And one shotting Q9." And they all came back, shook my hand,
and we had a great time on the bench, talkin about climbs, dice grabbing,
fatherscaping, all kinds of groovy things that we was talking about on the
bench. And everything was fine, we was smoking cigarettes and all kinds of
things, until Thorngrim came over, had some paper in his hand, held it
up and said.
"Kids, this-piece-of-paper's-got-47-words-37-sentences-58-words-we-wanna-
know-details-of-the-crime-time-of-the-crime-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-
you-gotta-say-pertaining-to-and-about-the-crime-I-want-to-know-arresting-
officer's-name-and-any-other-kind-of-thing-you-gotta-say", and talked for
forty-five minutes and nobody understood a word that he said, but we had
fun filling out the forms and playing with the quill pens on the bench there,
and I filled out the massacre with the four part harmony, and wrote it
down there, just like it was, and everything was fine and I put down the
quill pen, and I turned over the piece of paper, and there, there on the
other side, in the middle of the other side, away from everything else on
the other side, in parentheses, capital letters, quotated, read the
following words:
("KID, HAVE YOU REHABILITATED YOURSELF?")
I went over to Thorngrim, said, "Thorngrim, you got a lot a darn gall to
ask me if I've rehabilitated myself, I mean, I mean, I mean that just, I'm
sittin' here on the bench, I mean I'm sittin here on the Group W bench
'cause you want to know if I'm moral enough join the army, burn ninjas,
orcs, castles and villages after bein' a litterbug." He looked at me and
said, "Kid, we don't like your kind, and we're gonna send you fingerprints
off to Utgar."
And friends, somewhere in Utgar’s Castle enshrined in some little folder, is a
study in black and white of my fingerprints. And the only reason I'm
singing you this song now is cause you may know somebody in a similar
situation, or you may be in a similar situation, and if your in a
situation like that there's only one thing you can do and that's walk into
the shrink wherever you are ,just walk in say "Rae, You can get
anything you want, at Revdyer's restaurant.". And walk out. You know, if
one person, just one person does it they may think he's really sick and
they won't draft him. And if two people, two people do it, in harmony,
they may think they're both faggots and they won't take either of them.
And three people do it, three, can you imagine, three people walking in
singin a bar of Revdyer's Restaurant and walking out. They may think it's an
organization. And can you, can you imagine fifty people a day,I said
fifty people a day walking in singin a bar of Revdyer's Restaurant and
walking out. And friends they may thinks it's a movement.
And that's what it is , the Revdyer's Restaurant Heroscape Movement, and
all you got to do to join is sing it the next time it come's around on the
guitar.
With feeling. So we'll wait for it to come around on the guitar, here and
sing it when it does. Here it comes.
You can get anything you want, at Revdyer's Restaurant
You can get anything you want, at Revdyer's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the lava track
You can get anything you want, at Revdyer's Restaurant
That was horrible. If you want to end war and stuff you got to sing loud.
I've been singing this song now for twenty five minutes. I could sing it
for another twenty five minutes. I'm not proud... or tired.
So we'll wait till it comes around again, and this time with four part
harmony and feeling.
We're just waitin' for it to come around is what we're doing.
All right now.
You can get anything you want, at Revdyer's Restaurant
Excepting Revdyer
You can get anything you want, at Revdyer's Restaurant
Walk right in it's around the back
Just a half a mile from the lava track
You can get anything you want, at Revdyer's Restaurant
Da da da da da da da dum
At Revdyer's Restaurant